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Did I choose correctly?

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Yesterday, I wrote about the big “controversy” that broke out on Compuserve.  BrSpiritus made a comment saying that when he married here in the Philippines, the decision was controversial among his family and friends.  When I read that, it reminded me of an incident that happened to me when I first came to the Philippines.

In 1990, I spent the first 7 month of the year writing letters to Feyma, we were Penpals.  After 4 or 5 months, I had developed some deep feelings for Feyma, and I had a strong desire to spend the rest of my life with her.  I didn’t tell too many people about this, because I wasn’t sure that things would work out.  I told only 3 or 4 people, including some family members and one or two of my closest friends.  All of the people that I told were supportive, and I was thankful for that.

I scheduled a trip to the Philippines, with the intention to meet Feyma, see how we felt about each other, and if things worked out as I expected, I hoped to make Feyma my wife.  As the time for my trip came closer, I went over and had dinner at my best friend’s house one night.  I was scheduled to leave for the Philippines in just a few days, so naturally our discussion focused on my coming trip.  My best friend’s wife, Mary, opened up and started talking to me.  She asked about Feyma, and I told her all I could about her.  Mary told me that she had a friend that she wanted to introduce me to.  She told me about what a wonderful girl this was, and how she and I would be just perfect for each other.

I explained to Mary that I really wasn’t interested in meeting her friend, because I already had deep feelings for Feyma, and I was so excited to meet Feyma, and how I hoped that everything would work out as I expected, and Feyma and I would be married.  Mary would not relent, though, she kept talking up this friend, and encouraging me to meet her.  No matter what I said, the talk never stopped.

After a while, Mary slipped and said something that I think she had been trying to hold back.  “Well, my friend is married right now, but she is planning to get a divorce soon, and then you and her will be perfect for each other!”  Oops!  I already was not interested, but this just sealed the deal for me.

There was never any doubt, I was already hooked to Feyma, even though we had never met in person.  We had written to each other, seen photos of each other, and talked on the phone, and I knew in my heart that Feyma was the right woman for me.

What do you think?  Did I choose correctly?  Was Feyma the right one, or should I have given Mary’s friend a try?

I have no question in my mind! Tomorrow, August 9 is our 18th Anniversary.  Seems like it was just yesterday!

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Hi Bob,
    WHAT SORT OF QUESTION IS THAT? of course you did. You are happy, contented and have good family around you, what more could a man want.

    Steven

  2. Happy anniversary Bob and Feyma. May you both have many many happy years more to come.

    Personally, I don't look back into what-ifs.

    Cheers,
    Ellen

  3. Hi Bob,
    Firstly,Happy anniversary to you and Feyma,from myself and Joradin. With many more to come.
    You really did the right thing in ignoring your friends wifes clumsy attempts at match making.
    There is something almost magical about Philippine women, that all us lucky guys that have had the good fortune to be married to one can relate to.
    Have a great day Bob.
    All the best.
    Dave & family.

  4. I personally can see why you chose a Philipino women to marry Bob, not once yet have I talked down about anyone that I've met there and even the ones that live here in America are very well mannered and content in life. I've traveled in Europe and all over this country here and I can say that I'm still overwhelmed with the pure respect that Philipino ladies seem to have in their lives there (as well as all others too). It's a refreshing venue that I will be very happy to persue as you did. Happy Anniversary!!!

  5. Hi Bob. Yours sound similar to "Sleepless in Seattle".

    Feyma and you are truly MFEO.

    Happy Anniversary.

    (meant for each other 🙂 )

  6. Hi Steven – asked the question, I was really just being facetious. Your statement is so correct! Thank you.

  7. Hi Ellen – honestly, I wasn't really looking back at what the what if, I was really being facetious by asking that question. It's something I never really wondered about and didn't even care about. Then or now. Thank you for your best wishes. See you tomorrow?

  8. Hi David Pennell – thank you very much, we appreciate your best wishes there. It's nice to hear from you, when we'd be back in Davao?

  9. Hi Tim Walker – think you much! I'm sure he that you, like me, will never regret going down that road. Good luck to you!

  10. Hi Dr. Sponk Long – I never thought about that, but you're right about the movie. Thank you much for your well wishes.

  11. Bob
    CHOOSE is a bit of a odd word to use. You were brought together by a Higher Power. You have been blessed with a wife, children and a lasting marriage. Some people search for this their entire life only to come up empty and never find what you have.
    Bob you are a fortunate man to have what you do. I also am very fortunate as you and will be celebrating my 24th Anniversary in 2 weeks to my lovely brown wife.

    Happy Anniversary Bob 🙂

  12. Hi Bob.Congratulations to you and Feyma.We only live once and should always do what we feel is right for us regardless of what others think,it is our life.Your story reminds me of something i once read many years ago,"Always follow your dream,but beware, as many people will try to steal your dream",regards Chas.

  14. Hi Neal In RI – I think choose was the right word. What I meant when I wrote that was did I choose correctly by coming to the Philippines, or should I have chosen to stay in the US and pursue my friends matchmaking. I know in my heart to know that I did the right thing, and I thank you for your comment.

    Congratulations to you and your wife. 24 years is a very long time, and you must have a good thing going there.

  15. Hi chas – thank you very much for your nice comment. I really do believe in the saying that you put there, although I tend to not worry much about that last part. I believe the following your dreams, or following your passion is really the key to a great life. I try to live that way myself, and I feel that I'm somewhat successful at it.

  17. Hi Bob

    First, to answer your question, OF COURSE you both made the right choices and as you say it was more of a rhetorical question from you .

    When i married Ann, i was a little worried about the reaction of my family, like you i wasn't going to let anyone influence my decision but nevertheless i didn't want to alienate my family members. There is a lot of prejudice in the world and i don't have the time, the energy or the inclination to try to persuade even family memebers that i was making the correct decision, i just made it and was delighted to find, that ALL were very happy that we were happy, so, that worry disappeared.

    So, i do understand the thoughts of some persons to try and say to you, look somewhere else but i know you and Feyma are strong persons and are happy in your own decisions, but you do have to be prepared to face people who think it is their duty to make you think again

    Fortunately for me and for you too, we were having none of it, and worked out great for us didn't it Bob 🙂

  18. Hi rick b – thanks for your comment Rick. Lots of interesting information there. When I married Feyma, I did get a very negative reaction from my grandmother. However, after family immigrated to the US, we went to visit my grandmother. As I recall, it took about 30 seconds before Feyma won her over! When it comes to my family, in regards to Feyma, my problem is that everybody loves Feyma, and I got kicked down a notch. I've pretty much been told by all of my family that if Feyma and I were to divorce, I might as well move down the road, because Feyma will still be part of the family. 😆

  19. Hi Bob, Like me, you have made the best choice to go to the Philippines. Even though some have tried to persuade me to think differently my heart was set on marrying Rowena. We are meant for each other. Thank you Bob for this website. It is an encouragement for us to persue our dream of returning to the Philippines permantly.

  21. Hi Bob

    Congrats to both of you on your Anniversary.

    Your question……well……. your the only one that can answer that but it sure looks positive to me.

    Jack

  22. Hi Bob,

    Congrats to you and Feyma.

    Isn't it funny that when you find someone you think is just right there will be someone out there that will tell you they are too tall/short old/young and the inter culture thing will always pop up too. Religion differences. Color(and I am really refering to the culture not the skin color cause I really dont think that is the issue), even social standing in the community.

    Rick is right that you dont want to allienate your family, but those people closest to you should be able to see that the other person makes you happy. Sometimes that may take time as you both said.

    Any relationship is really really hard work, and if there are other factors in it like religion, culture etc then makes it, in my mind, harder. But the fact that you and Feyma, Rick and Ann, and all the other people that have commented have really good realtionships is inspiring. Especially given that you have all moved countries, which is stressful to anyone, had to adjust finances, always a sore point.

    Guess what I am saying is well done all of you and your partners. And please will someone write an instruction manual?

  24. ya meet some1 ur happy with and u got outta the USA , which by the way has been raped and plundered by our wonderful elected "officials". U made a good judgement call Bob…as Bob Marley says….dont worry …be happy…cheers mate !

  25. Hi Bob,

    Congratulations to you and Feyma on your Anniversary!

    My wife, Elvira and I will be married for 19 years this December. One thing I've noticed is this. The men I've met who have married Filipinas tend to be happily married. And the ones who didn't marry a Filipina wished they did!

  27. Hi Carolynn – Thank you very much! I find it inspiring reading comments from everybody who participates here! And, I appreciate it very much.

    Instruction manual? I'm still trying to figure it all out!

  30. Hi Randall Jessup – Thank you, and congrats to you and Elvira on beating us out by about 8 months or so! You know what… I've noticed exactly the same as you among my friends who are married to Filipinas!

  31. Happy Anniversary Bob & Feyma! Glad to have met such a great couple, even if it was separately.

    Good luck with the seminar, Bob.

  32. Hi Bob – H A P P Y A N N I V E R S A R Y ❗

    The first 30 years are the toughest. After that, life is just a bowl of cherries! 😆

  33. Congratulations Bob and Feyma. Sincere best wishes for the rest of your lives together. You both are inspirations and greatly appreciated.
    Karen

  35. Hi Paul – Thanks for that, Paul! Wow, I'm more than half way through the hard part! That's good to know! 😆

  37. Hi Bob ,
    happy anniversary to Feyma and you.
    For me , in a few months Concepcion and me will be married 25 years.
    Never regrets,
    I only sometimes think , why did i not married her when i was younger ?
    I was 42 years that time , and allready know her about 4 years .
    Then maybe by now our youngest daughter had finished school and
    i could been living in illigan.
    Now we have to wait for 18 more months.
    But staying in good condition i hope i will be on my way.

  39. Hi bob,

    Happy anniversary to feyma and you, i hope your marriage will last until your last breath.

    It makes me feel wonderful hearing that feyma was accepted by your family in an instant and win their hearts. I feel sad because the opposite is happening to my wife's very close friend who is married to an american, they been married for 10 years and had 2 children, when she went to the states last year to meet the in-laws, things are not the way she expected. prejudice of course. I wonder how many more of her suffer from prejudice in the hands of the in-laws.

  40. Hi dans – I am sorry to hear about your friend. Personally, I think that prejudice is rather rare today, compared to years ago. But, any prejudice is not acceptable!

  41. Hi Bob,

    Best wishes to you and Feyma on your anniversay. I hope my coming marriage to my Filipina beauty is as blessed as yours. Congratulations!

  43. Hi Bob-I think 18 years says it all.Happy anniversary to you both and we wish you many more to come.
    Best wishes.
    Jim & Marilou.

  44. Bob- WILL YOU PLEASE STOP TELLING EVERYONE HOW HAPPY THEY WILL BE IF THEY MARRY A FILIPINO WOMAN.

    Before you know it the R.P will be invaded with western men looking for a Philipino wife, and your paradise will be lost! 😆

    Best wishes to you and Feyma and congrats for your anniversary

  46. Hi anthony – Thank you so much! I try to contain my joy and make people think that I'm miserable, but I just can't seem to get it through! 😆

  47. kamusta bob
    you have me thinkin here bob.i met my fiancee online and we chatted and were just friends for 3 years before we decided we wanted to meet in person and see what progressed.well right now we are approved for her to come here to usa and we will marry here.im so exited to show her my culture and wonders of america.we are curently working on papers for my son to gain citizenship through me instead of fiancee visa.i have to say everything is wonderful since i have Marygrace (my fiancee) in my life.you know bob when we first met in person i knew that she was everything i ever seek in a wife.my uncle was right when he told me filipina was the best for wife in the entire world.no disrespect of other ladys from other countrys hehehe.
    salamat bob 😎

  48. hello again bob
    i think its really good you never even considered marys friend and see what happened .she was MARRIED still.feyma is a great wife to you bob. you and your family is truely blessed.
    happy anniversary
    salamat bob

  49. Hi Ron W – I am excited for you Ron! I wish you the best of luck in your pending married life! You are right about Mary's friend…. I never even considered her!

  50. Hello, Mr. Bob and to everyone!

    My mother, a Filipina and a loving mother and wife, has always loved my father even to this day-even though he passed away nearly 20 years ago; and she never chose to re-marry despite the fact she had several suitors since my father’s demise. She still visits his grave often, sometimes even by herself, despite her ageing condition.

    In your case, I believe you alone can answer your own question. What does your heart tell you anyway? Your readers, myself included, that since you traveled from the other Far Side of the World to meet someone special who is ethnically and even culturally different from you, despite the temptations and hurdles, believe you did so. But as they say, true love knows no boundaries. (I think I’m beginning to sound like a love radio DJ!) 😀

    I hope you’ll have more fruitful, fun and fantastic years together, wherever you may be in the world (preferably here in the Philippines, of course!) By the way, I’m not exactly sure if you have figured this one already, or maybe you can ask your wife, whether this is true or not: “Ibang magmahal ang Pinay!!!” Best wishes on your anniversary!

  51. Hi ProudPinoy, Jr. – Don't worry, I know I did the right thing.. the title of the article was just to capture attention.

  53. 😀 HAPPY ANNIVERSARY Bob & Feyma, Your 18th and I'm just getting to 6 1/2. I know you and Feyma are as happy as Rebecca & I, Hoping you both many more 😎

  55. All the best to you and Feyma on your anniversary and many years to come Bob. Some say nothing is perfect but your marriage is next to perfect for sure. Keep it this way Bob.

  56. Hi Bob
    Happy Anniversary
    My wfie and I have a story similar to yours and this post has inspired me to tell our story on my blog but it is a long story and will take a day or so to write.

  57. G'day Feyna and Bob

    ““““Happy Anniversary..
    Wishing you guys the best for more to come..

    remember the day when you feel this is it…He/She is the person I wanna grow old with..to share my life, mentally, physically, emotionally..and life that doesn't stop growing together…I am happy for both of you..for i believe you both do… 🙂

  58. Kamusata Bob,

    Bob…looks like you hit the jackpot pal, and couldn't ask for any better than Feyma. You have a loving wife who supports you in everything, and a great family to come from all of this…you sir are a lucky man.
    I hope for the same for myself and Rose, I know also that she is the one for me, and we both have so much in common.and also both have deep feelings for each other..and I know we both will have a nice and happy life..either in Philippines or USA.

    God Bless You both, and happy anniversary to you and Feyma
    Take care and salamat ,
    Danny

    PS..having computer problems..so am not able to participate as much on blog as I would like to… 🙁

  59. PS..I will be ordering your new book very soon and looking forward to learning from it….thanks Bob.

    Danny :mrgreen:

  60. Bob, congratulations to you and Femya. Like you, I met my wife jojo through penpals and like you we are celebrating our 18th aniversary this year . We were maried in her home of Baybay Leyte in MArch 1990. Like you I also always considered the term"mail order bride" not only insulting but semantically silly. Fortunately my family and friends were very supportive of our marriage. Of course my family were just happy that at the age of 46 I was marrying anyone. 😀
    Richard Wilson

  61. Hi Bob,
    You're welcome,i hope you enjoyed your day. I will be back in Davao on October 9th.I hope to meet up with you while i'm there.
    Regards.
    Dave.

  62. Hi Bob,
    Congrats to you and your asawa, May you have many, many more! As to you making the right decision, heck yeah you did! My marrying my wife (Corazon) was the best decision, I ever did! yeah it's been difficult, but what true marriage isn't?

  63. Hi ted – Thank you. Well… I would agree that nothing is perfect… but I am pretty happy with Feyma. 😆

  66. Hi Danny – Yep, I had a lucky day back on August 9, 1990! I can't argue that one. Sorry to hear about your computer problem, I hope you can work it out soon.

  67. Hi Richard Wilson – Our stories and experiences were very parallel. I'm glad that things have also worked out well for you and Jojo.

  69. Hi Adrian Mccartney – Many, many more asawas? ha ha… just kidding… I'm glad that you also made a good choice when you married Corazon!

  73. "Society is always taken by surprise at any new example of common sense…." — Ralph Waldo Emerson

    The choice of a Filipino wife makes the best sense. 18 years and counting… Happy anniversary to you and Feyma!!!

  74. First, a belated Happy Anniversary to you both!!
    Now… lessee… on one hand a lovely American Bride who will spend your money faster than you can make it, work you into the grave so she has the insurance money to spend, or divorce you after running every credit card (all in YOUR name of course) and then take you to the cleaners, or a lovely Filipina bride who will work with you to build a happy life and family, will take care of you and love you till the end of time… Hmmmmmm….tough choice. 😆

  77. Hi Dan_NY – Not belated, your message came through during our Anniversary. Thank you so much, and I agree with your assessment!

  78. Sorry I am late. Happy anniversary to both of you. Your story is pretty much similar to ours and by the 26 of august we have been married for 32 years.

  81. Congratulationsto Feyma and You, Bob! May your lives with each other continue to be richly blessed. It is wonderful to read all the many congratulatory messages. You are continuing to build a rich heritage with each other and with your children. All the Best!!

  83. Hi Bob New York – Thank you very much! By the way, I enjoyed meeting Irma and Wayne yesterday, they are nice people!

  90. I hope I'm not too late to greet you guys BELATED HAPPY ANNIVERSARY 🙂 You are both perfect match to each other. God bless!