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Friends going out

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Just wanting to write a follow up on the “Dear Feyma: Please Advise” column that I wrote a few weeks ago. I got a private email and said that he is happy to be married to an older lady. And that she stayed in the house not in the bar hanging out. I responded to him and told him “good for you.” I’m really happy it worked out well for him.

I knew some friends in the States before that said similar statements as the emailer said. I also knew a friend in the States I think she was the youngest one on our group of women. She married a guy from Hungary but a US citizen already. He must be on his 50’s at that time. The girl being young, likes to hang out with her other set of friends a few times a week and go disco dancing and drinking. The husband sometimes complained and told us ladies about the rendezvous of his wife and we told him to tell her. He just gave us a grin. Really I think he just didn’t care of what his wife was doing as long as the she comes home to him. The wife really drinks, she even told us girls that we should go out one night bar hopping. Hmm, a few of us said we’ll pass on that.  A lot of us don’t drink so its a waste of time to go out. She told us that just hanging out at one of our friends house without any liquor is totally boring. I think she got bored with our group. Her and her hubby moved to California later.

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That lady, when she visits the Philippines, the whole time she’s here she will go out with her friends partying. One barbecue party with our friends and both of us were invited I asked her what does her husband and her family think of her being as if she’s a party animal she was just smiling and she’s really proud of it though. She said

hubby doesn’t know I’m partying hard in the Philippines when I’m there. He knows that I go out but he didn’t know I party hard. Of course my family were against it but nothing they can do about it.

The thing is if they will tell the husband the wife will make herself good to her hubby and hubby will believe her and she will tell hubby to cut off the support for the family. Her dad is in bad health so in short they really need the support. I heard of the statement first from this lady about “the reason I go out and have fun now because I have the money now. I grew up poor and didn’t have fun before.”

I know some friends married to foreigners who were in their late 40’s and like to hang out in the bar a few times a week without their husband. They drink, play pool or poker and other games. They like to hang out a lot now since they had the money to do it. They didn’t have this kind of life growing up.

I met a friend a few years back here in the Philippines. She’s in her early thirties when I met her, she’s married to a foreigner. He must be in his mid seventies. I could tell you both the lady and the guy both loved each other. He is a little sickly and just wants to stay home all the time. The lady on the other hand wants to have friends and she hangs out with her friends a lot. She said that she didn’t have time to hang out before because she had to work hard to support her family. Since the husband wants to stay home she would  just wait until the husband fell asleep then she would go out with her friends. She would just tell the maid that she’s out and be back later. The husband knew that she went out a lot of nights each week to be with her friends. She said when I meet her that she goes out at night but she’s faithful to her hubby. I haven’t seen and heard from here in a long time now. I wonder if they’re still here in the Philippines. I’ve known a lot here in Davao that go out and have fun. They still are married to their respective husband. As long as they have the trust I guess that works. If the husband agreed with it then why not.

It just different in everyone of us. I just don’t want to go out and hang out in the bar. I just don’t have the time and desire to be there. I just want to spend time with my hubby and kids. We are happy just hanging out on our backyard and doing the barbecue. That is really our fun time. Tell me I’m weird but its okay. We are just different.

Cheers!

Feyma

Feyma Martin is a Columnist here on the Live in the Philippines Web Magazine, she is the wife of site Publisher, Bob Martin. Feyma is originally from the Philippines, but went to the USA for 10 years after marrying Bob in 1990. Bob & Feyma moved to the Philippines to live permanently in 2000.

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chris
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chris

Hi feyma i am glad that my wife doesnt drink as i am not into discos or the pub scene ,we went out one night to my sisters wedding reception and my wife had a fair bit of varied alchol to drink not going silly but just continuous well this changed her mind the next morning about drinking she didnt drink much in the phills and i dont drink much here either i think tht if we lived there and she wanted to go out all the time partying i think i would have to revaluate the marriage ,if you… Read more »

Mark G.
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Mark G.

Hi Feyma,
Bob is a lucky, lucky man!
Ingat,
Mark G.

Dan
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Dan

Hi Feyma..great post always fun to read your posts here…You have a special way of saying stuffs and like to read your posts..No! You are not weird..You just vaule what you have there and your family and your Husband lucky to have you and know you fell lucky and proud to have all of them….and of course I know they know that…maybe it is the others that are weird..a lot of men and women are like that..always looking over the fence for greener grass..never quite happy with how things are now in their life or with what they have and… Read more »

jack
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jack

You are defiantly not weird! I think you guys are the norm. I never dealt with this as my wife and I are the same age, well actually she is a year older then me but we share the same views in life. Both of us did the bar etc thing a long time ago and have no need to “sow our wild oats”. The BBQ in the back yard thing is the best. Being married to a 70 year old at the age of 30 is 40 years difference. Of course shes going to go out on him lol… Read more »

Paul Thompson
Member

Hi Feyma; My wife has her habit of every afternoon going to her mother’s house, about a 5 minutes’ walk away. There she visits with her brothers and sisters and her mom. While there, they play bingo, or cards and yak-yak. The rest of the time we’re pretty much together, going to friends houses or meeting them for lunch or supper. Or using our new “Mindanao Bob’s Deluxe BBQ Grill”, we just built. Her sister and she take the car to town to do shopping once a week at the market, and I go, if we’re shopping on the Subic… Read more »

BuckeyeBob
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BuckeyeBob

Disco…too funny! LOL!!!

Tom Martin
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Tom Martin

You are not weird. You have your priorites straight and that is a great accomplishment. Life is about choices and all choices have consequences. All choices have posititves and negatives and you have to weigh them to see what is best for you and your family. Of course I am a prude and believe if one chooses to get married they should also make the choice to stay out of bars and drinking without their spouse. I have no problem with a group of women getting together to talk and socialize. I have no problem with a group of men… Read more »

lenny2000
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lenny2000

A Man’s a fool if he lets his wife go out and drink and party like that. Again if your a real man your wife will be a real woman to you..

Marjorie
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Marjorie

Hi Feyma In most walks of life were there is quite a gap in the spouses ages the youngest one feels they must still go out on the town like when they were single. There are people who realise each has to give a little leeway to the other, but there are plenty of activities to do without behaving disrespectfully to your partner. It seems to be more prevalent even among partners that are around the same age of each other. In some cases ‘womens rights’ have been taken a bit too far. they then wonder why there marriages end… Read more »

Jawz
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Jawz

I honestly don’t understand the desire to go out to discos and bars. Maybe it’s just me. I know back home, people my age would like to have parties around bon-fires. When I talked to Americans online in cities, they’d talk about ‘clubbing’ (something I never heard of). I guess it differs for youth in locations. Here though, many of the youth I have known seem to see going out like that as ‘liberated’ behavior. I saw this brought up about a star from Davao, and relating her to this behavior. It is also a stereotype put on Ateneo students,… Read more »

Paul
Guest
Paul

Hi Jun – That fact-checked Wikipedia cite I put in my response will provide a map for each region AND a list of each province included in the region. (I confirmed those lists with info provided by the NSCB database that can be reached – after a little navigation – from the NSCB website address cited.)

BuckeyeBob
Guest
BuckeyeBob

Your not weird. You are just a good,faithful woman who loves her family:)

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