Probably one of the most difficult things to adjust to for a foreigner living in the Philippines is getting used to the fact that things are done differently here! Believe it or not, it takes years to figure out the simple fact that you are not back home any longer, and almost everything is done differently here. I know it took me about five years to stop getting aggreviated when things were done in what I considered an “inferior” way.
A friend and I have a little “inside joke” that we say to each other, if we see something done in a way that we don’t think is right. We say… “We ain’t in Kansas anymore.” Remember the saying being used in the old Wizard of Oz movie? 😉
It really is true, you see things all the time that people are doing, and you just know that if they did it the way that you had known all your life, it would just work out better, be easier, more efficient, etc. But, remember, you are just one person! Also, they way that “Juan” is doing it is the way that he has done it all his life, and the way his father and his grandfather did it. So, for him, there is no question about how to do it.
You may be asking yourself… what is “it” anyway? Well, just about anything you could imagine. How about eating? Here, they eat all their meals with a fork and a big spoon. No knife. It is very different than I am used to, I use a knife and fork, and a spoon from time to time. The way I do it works for me. The way they do it works for them! They look at me like I am crazy, eating rice with a fork! The way they eat rice, it doesn’t all fall off the utensil, I’ll give them that. The way I do it, from time to time it falls off.
Just keep in mind, in most cases, it’s best for you to just accept the way that they do things. On a few things you might need to teach somebody to do it your way. For example, if you have a cook, or a house maid who does your cooking, and she cooks your steak until it has the consistency of shoe leather, she will need to learn to cook it the way you like it, she is your employee after all. But, if you are going over to your mother-in-law’s house for dinner, you probably should just accept it the way she cooks it! You can always stop off at a restaurant on the way home, right?
The best advice for living here, and learning to “roll with the flow” is to just accept as much as you can. Don’t be too judgmental!
i remember an old saying lol when in rome… do as the romans 🙂
That's true, Ken! Just not always easy to remember! 😉
I am back in the states for a while and I still eat with a spoon. Seems to work out better. Except at Resturants I have to use a fork. I lived in Maasin City for five years and still my wife and I have a house on the sea there. In Michigan now near Detroit.
Ha ha… that’s good to hear, Matt, you must have really adapted when it comes to utensils! Personally, I have never gotten into the spoon and fork thing myself…
Agree with the go with the flow part. In my first try of living here, I tried to set thing right in the way I was taught in the states. That only drove me out of the country. Not just financially, but mentally and emotionally. Ten years later, armed with a little more maturity, there are some things you can change about this country, and some thing you can't. But if you can't live with it if you want to stay. Otherwise, you'll spend the rest of your time being cynical about everything around you. Just go with the flow. And before you kow it, it becomes a part of you. Then you'll realize it makes sense afterall. Then you'll become cynical on the way they do things where you camer. Funny how things work out in the end. Till next time….
Hi Julius – I have learned, like you, that no matter how hard you try, you will not change the way they do things here. To tell them to do A, then do B afterwards is as foreign to their thinking as their method is to ours!
Hi Bob—I recall reading a quote from a successful U.S. ambassador awhile back:"You can think, talk, and act anyway you want in a foreign country–as long as you do these thing in your head." Till next time….
That's true, Julius! Whoever said that was a wise Ambassador! The problem is that if you engage your mouth before thinking of the repercussions you can easily fit into the "ugly American" role, and that's not good. It all relates back to the discussion that we had a while back about controlling your anger in public, rolling with the flow, etc.
Goes right to my favorite comment about living here .. those who ask about the cost of things are asking the wrong question … the question that has to be asked is can you adapt to doing things the Philippine way … because the Philippines is not going to adapt to you.
I also can say that although there are probably many things that will always seem 'wrong" to me, Inj ust 7 months I have learned that a lot of things done "wrong" are not 'wrong" at all for the folks doing them. Too many Americans arrive with the idea that they are superior in knowledge, experience, common sense, etc. Maybe a few are, but most of us would starve to death in a month if it weren't for the kindness of the Filipino people making allowance for our "better ways". Sit back, relax and enjoy the ride.
Hi brian – I am a strong believer in the K.I.S.S. system!
Hi Jon – Ha ha… I had a nice salad tonight for dinner. Can’t imaging trying to have eaten it with a spoon! 😕
Hi Jul – Yes, the brooms are very different aren’t they? I hate trying to use one of those little short brooms for sweeping the kitchen or whatever. I always feel that it is going to throw out my back! 🙂
Hi Dave – That pretty much matches my experience too. Even when you mentally know that "they" are doing it the right way for them, it is still very hard to shake off that feeling that they aren't doing it in the way that you consider right. Like I said, it takes time, thankfully, I have had enough time to overcome that feeling in the most part.
😀 I can accept about everything, but if I was to say what has taken me the longest to "attune" myself to, it would have to be business, not my own I don't have one, but dealing with say a refund, or say a cell phone company, electric company, returning something to the mall, wow I know when I am about to do any of that stuff I had better pack my lunch, take a sleeping bag with me and some candles because I am bound to be there all day and all night, only to be told I am missing something:mrgreen: lol I was laughing at your post about the silver ware (chara) thinking, rice and fork and spoon? does not compute (robbie robot, lost in space) we use our hands with rice, lol, i love your choice of subjects though, they got great beats!
Hi Dave – When it comes to refunds and such – I don't even bother. Once I buy it, it's mine already. Getting a refund is full of hassles and pitfalls, and I figure I'm better off to just eat the loss, especially if it is a matter of me buying the wrong thing or something. If it is a defective item, that's a different story. I let Feyma take care of that! Ha ha…
K.I.S.S
😀
I love the whole big spoon thing. When my wife moved to the USA she wanted to learn how to make a green salad (her family joked we were eating "grass"). It was a good first salad but a challenge to eat with a spoon 😀
Sweeping the yard is done differently in the Phils. I love to sweep the yard the Fil way using the broomstick from "bikog" of the coconut leaves. I have a hard time sweeping the yard in the US with the "fan" like broom and its an eternity to do with it!
Hi Jason – 😕
I don't know if this is just my wife or if it is a Filipino thing. She has been in the U.S. for almost 6 years.
When pie is served here in the U.S. normally the plate is put on the table with the point of the slice pointing toward the person that is going to eat it. I guess that is becuase most people start eating pie at the point of the slice and eat the crust last.
My wife does it exactly opposite. The crust toward me and the point toward the center of the center of the table.
I don't even ask anymore, I just spin the dish around. 🙄
Dan
Hmmm, I read this post (and comments) with interest. I'm a Filipina, US-based for almost 3 decades now. I must admit I'm losing touch with some of my own culture because I have lived here for so long and have only been back to the Philippines once and only briefly. Without much thought, I've totally acclimated to the ways here that I do "as the Americans do" w/o much thought. Eat with a fork & knife, even at home! Also because most of my meals are eaten out, that "Americanizes" you in a hurry.
I'd like comment on our Filipino way of eating with a spoon and fork. My thoughts (and mind you I don't have any studies to backup my claim) are that this might be driven by a practical need. If you notice, most Filipino meals are eaten with rice (staple food) and 1 or 2 side dishes. Most of the time, 1 of the side dishes would either be fish or meat cooked in broth (ie, in Tagalog terms — sabaw or "broth"). Examples, sinigang na bangus, sinigang na baboy or the different varieties of "nilaga"… I'm sure your Filipino wives can explain these culinary samples I mentioned.
Now back to my thoughts to ponder. Can you imagine eating sinigang or nilaga w/o a spoon? Well, of course, I hear a distinct suggestion already. Someone would say, eat the solids with the fork and sip the broth straight from the bowl! But no, we just don't do that. Another aspect to eating with these "broth-y" dishes is that Filipinos tend to scoop some broth and "lovingly moisturize" their plate of rice as they eat their
meal. So now the rice is soft and has the flavor of the broth, rather than being a lump of white grains and bland to the taste.
So happy group of ex-pats, I hope my "theory" makes sense. That's just my observation. Your post actually did make me think about the silverware aspect of our (Filipinos') eating habits.
Thanks for the opportunity to hypothesize!
Hi Dan – I never heard of that habit of serving the pie crust side first! It reminds me of a TV commercial they have here, though. Pizza Hut here in the Philippines advertises with people eating their pizza starting on the crust end, because the stuffings that they put into the crust are so delicious the people want to eat that end first. I wonder if her habit came from seeing that?
Hi Angie S. – Interesting thoughts about eating with a fork and spoon. I think that what you are saying makes sense. However, I'll take it a step further. Filipinos eat with only a fork and spoon. Americans (and other cultures) eat with a fork, spoon and knife. When Filipinos eat something like a piece of meat or anything that needs to be cut up, they cut it with the edge of the spoon. Why is that? For us, if we have a liquidy type dish (like soup) we certainly use a spoon for that! What do you think?
you know I took to eating with the fork and spoon rather early on, but even my wife worries that someday we may not hve money… she's used to living off of Bagoog and rice but I am not. Truth be told I went through my poor time already when rice, soup and PBJ sandwiches were all I could afford. Also about the silverware… ever notice that most stores sell silverware by the each item… not in sets like we're used to. It's a cost cutting measure. Now I have a theory about the origin of the spoon and fork method, just bear with me. We know the US Army left tons of stuff over here after WWII hence the Jeepney came into being. What if that also included the US army "Spork Set" used at that time period? After the Japanese were pushed off the islands we were feeding the people here, so maybe the spoon and fork combo that was distributed with rations just became a part of culture here… like the Jeepney.
Hi Louis – When it comes to the fork and spoon, I have often wondered if it was because it is cheaper to not buy the knife, this saving 1/3 when buying silverware. That could also date back to the Army stocks as you say. I did always notice about silverware being sold by the piece, but never really thought about it. Indeed, it is different from the USA where it is sold as a set!
Louis — I was about to post the same thing about the left behind spoons after the war. I had an old military truck year or so ago that had a mess kit inside when I bought it, WW2 US issue. The spoon was large and had U.S. stamped in the handle. It occurred to me that it might have been introduced this way, just like the Jeepney — and "Colegate". All toothpaste was just called "Colegate". "We need some colegate" meant "We need some toothpaste", even if it was Crest. My wife says this is changing in the cities and with young people, but older people and in remote areas still call all toothpaste "colegate". But I also thought of what Angie was saying about the types of food, and combined with your thoughts on cost savings by not buying complete sets of silverware it makes sense that the big spoon became the utensil that could be used for everything. I was wondering if the big spoon was around during Spanish colonial times.
Jon – You know being a historian and having been a Civil War Reenactor for 13+ years I did alot of research into how things were done in the 1860's. Spoons came to England in the 1400's and the common spoon we use now seems to have originated in Persia from the Arabs. I suspect it may have been introduced over here at the time of the Arab expansion but before then a proper sized seashell probably worked fine or just your hand. I've been to the father of a friends house in Cebu on several occasions and they live back in the "catacombs" as we call them. Never saw a fork a spoon there… always eat with your hand. But, back to spoon history… yes the first forged spoons were large, either what we would call a soup spoon or else tablespoon sized and this was around the 1500's.
Hi All!
Does the WW2 big spoon have a "hole" in the handle ? By the way, Filipinos can do away with spoon and fork. Some local restaurants go "kinamot" (by hand). We can eat with our bare hand and scoop water with it. We never had drinking water fountains in school and offices, let alone, bottled ones of varied flavors and multi purification processes, just faucets.
To Dan: I'm not aware that there's some decorum when serving pies. Lots to discover and learn from this website.
Wow, I never thought the origin of the spoon would be so interesting, but it really is!
The following is not intended to lead this thread off topic, rather I'm hoping I might stir up some interest –
I'm very interested in alternative energy and we've heard a bit about solar electricity and hot water on this blog, but what about alternative fuels? If we do retire in the RP (also thinking of Samal) I will definitely be making biodiesel from restaurant waste fryer oil or home grown and pressed coconut oil. There’s potential for a small family business, but I’ll be happy if it will allow us to run a backup diesel generator and fuel a diesel vehicle. There's also great potential for sugar cane and coconut growers if ethanol or biodiesel catch on broadly in the RP, and of course biofuels would reduce dependence on foreign oil. With gas at over $3.00 a gallon in the RP and with plentiful sugar cane and coconuts, it seems like a no brainer.
Jul – Yes, it does have a big hole in the handle!! Now my wife uses it as a gardening tool 😀
Hi Jon – When I first started coming to the Philippines brand names were used to name things – "Colgate = toothpast" "kodak = phtograph" and many others. That is indeed changing, though. I hear it much less often these days.
Hi Jul – I never heard of kinamot, I always heard eating with hands called "kamayan." What is the difference, do you know? Is it a tagalog/bisaya thing?
Hi Bob,
Let me answer for Jul, "kamayan" is the Tagalog term while "kinamot" is Bisaya for eating with your hands. Filipinos prefer this way of eating seafood and barbecue. It enhances the flavors, yumm! Just the thought is making me hungry…
OK, thanks Tina. I had never heard kinamot before! I do enjoy eating kinamot or kamayan sometimes, especially if I have rice. And, for me, I really want to eat kamayan style if the food is served on a banana leaf!
Ever wonder what the big hole in the handle of those big spoons? It's just the right size to pop open a San Miguel beer. Put the "tansan" in the hole, hold the spoon by the business end and you've got leverage to pop it open.
Some don't even need a spoon. They just use another bottle, or use their teeth. These aren't plastic-covered, twist-to-open types. These are metallic covers clamped tight to the bottle.
Hi Milper – How's it going? Hey, I've heard of another way of opening a bottle of San Mig too, but only can be accomplished by women. I'll leave the rest up to your imagination! I'm sure you know what I'm talking about anyway. 😳
To Tina:
Thanks for the explanation on kinamot-kamayan style to Bob.
To Milper: My male cousins are experts in using their teeth and the two-bottle opener. My father has this bent nail in one of our house's wooden posts and we use it in opening the bottles. Some cottages in picnic areas have these bent nails, too! It saves our
frustration when we forget to bring openers.
To Jon: Your wife is very innovative. I wonder, it might be a collectible item now adays!
Hi bob I remember the year 1996 I visit philippines I and
my wife we go for very nice restaurant in manila to eat we make order and after we start to eat and drink beer from bottle no drink in the glass, and my wife tell no drink the beer
from bottle direct with your mouth you put in your glass
and you drink your beer, I ask my wife why tell you look
the other table have philippino 1 man and 1 woman
they look me because I drink my beer from bottle direct
and my wife listen them speak in philippino language you look
this foreigner drink the beer like village people like animal
I am surprise. Because I am thinking no all philippino same.
Hi Zois,
I drink beer directly from the bottle. It stays cooler that way, plus you can just put in a slice of lime or lemon. Perfect! 😀 Maybe if I'm in a fine dining restaurant, I'll use a glass but I'll demand a chilled glass to keep the beer cold. Anyway, enjoy your beer however way you want to, they're not paying for it so who cares? 😉
Hi Zois – Like Tina said – don't worry what they think. They are the ones with a problem, why should they care how you drink your beer! I am sure you didn't care how they drank theres, so no big deal! 😉
Hi tina many thanks for your advice to enjoy the life
for me it is dificult I write english because I am greek
and I know greek language I must learn some english
because if I live in philippines I need for you for Bob
and other people read the site no problem.
Hi Bob this story for beer I drink directly from bottle
no explain why I write. I write because i know philippino people
eating by hand or with spoon in village in provinces.
because if I eat with family of my wife the 1982 eating
with hand or spoon. This story it's good for me if drink beer
directly from bottle is good surprise for me because I feel same
if I live in greece the people look you how you eat,
Hey everybody …I learned from the start to GO WITH THE FLOW and i enjoy eating with my fingers most of the time cause everyone we meet does too..fried chicken , dried fish an rice ….. mango slices and a sweet rice cake and a hot cup of milo …fresh seafood .roast pig ..and a raw fish dish my father-in-law makes with hotpepers ….I ate coconuts fresh from the tree .beside our house ….ummmm so good ..Can't wait to get back ..Phil… 😆
Hi Phil – Yep, you might as well go with the flow! None of us are going to change 88 million Filipinos! 😆
Found this article after googling "why filipinos eat with a spoon and fork." 2nd generation amboy (american-born) flip here. I was raised on spoons and forks and thought that was completely normal, until I had dinner at a friend's house (in my junior year in high school, yes, that much later)—they set a knife and fork for me and when I asked if I could have a spoon, his mom said "but we're not having soup."
Lately it's been really on my mind, the origin of the spoon and fork deal. My wife semi-jokingly theorizes that when the Spaniards colonized the Philippines, they feared that if they gave the indigenous people knives, they would put themselves in danger of being overthrown, so they taught them instead to use a spoon and fork. But now after reading previous comments regarding U.S. Army rations, that makes an even better theory. But I still have yet to really find out why!
Hi Greg – I can't say that this is 100% true, but I have been told by one person that back in the days of US rule over the Philippines, the US soldiers here had mess kits that included only spoon and fork, and many of these were passed on to Filipinos, thus, they got used to eating with only those utensils. The theory makes sense to me, and I think that it may be correct.
Thanks so much for the confirmation on that theory. It makes total sense. What's also interesting is the whole Spam and Vienna Sausage phenomena (definitely in the top 10 list of "You know you're Filipino when…"), which also turns out to be a cross-pollinization due to the presence of US troops, etc. Aw man, speaking of which, I'm getting hungry just thinking of Spam and rice. Where's my spoon and fork…or better yet, where's my hands! =)
My mom is actually from Tiguman, which is not that far from Davao from what I remember. I went to visit back in '80…when everyone gathered for the first big welcome dinner on our first night there, I noticed nobody had spoons nor forks in front of them. I leaned over and asked my mom shyly if I could ask for a spoon and fork. She chuckled, remembering I'd never eaten with my hands before. It must've taken them 15 minutes to finally find a pair of mismatched utensils. I remember them turning the kitchen inside out for that! Ah, what memories.
Hi Greg – Very interesting story. I enjoy eating kamayan style (with hands) from time to time myself.