Live in the Philippines

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How’d it happen?

Family, Transportation / by

Mayang and Clara return from spending the day in town with my new old 1996 Honda. I notice that they were both very upset, and both are trying to tell me what happened at the very same time, or to put it mildly, the same story in stereo.

After settling them down, I asked; “What happened?” When my wife said “Honey, honey (Not the same as Major-major) there is a big hole it the tire, and we don’t know how it happened”. Now the odd part was, I’d just backed the car into the carport, and had felt nothing wrong with it. I went looking to see if I find this big hole which allowed the tire to stay inflated. There was no hole, but there was a thin slash about one inch long (Sorry, I don’t do metric, it’s an American thing.) not very deep at all, but serious enough to cause excitement among the twins. I could not accurately date when it happened to the tire, but the ladies were sure it was that very same dreadfully day. Were they not telling me something?

Then it started; the speculation as to what happened. They both had nothing, no answer to aid in their solving of this great mystery. And the term “Stuff Happens” (not what I wanted to write) has no meaning here. That’s when they both turned to me, expecting the guy whom has been driving since 1964 to provide the answer. But, I was as much in the dark as they were. But; if it’s scenarios they wanted, then who am I to deny it to them. Here is the list I presented right off the top of my head. (I can do things like that!)

  1. You might have run over some guy with a knife in his hand, and he stabbed the tire as you fled the scene. (Instantly rejected)
  2. The traffic Warden ran out of chalk, and marked the tire with his blade, as an alternative (Received a mild head scratch)
  3. The kid at the supermarket was angry because you didn’t return the cart to the front of the store (No response)
  4. The dog did it. (Angry response)
  5. You sideswiped the only curb in town that carries a knife.(Confusion)
  6. You passed to close to a speeding Roman Chariot? (They never saw Ben Hur)
  7. A retired Papal Guard was demonstrating how he saves a Cardinal with only his Swiss Army Knife. (Major head scratching)
  8. Some nefarious vandal did it. (The one I liked, and they did also)

Each of my explanations was mulled over and examined, while the whole time, I’m only having fun, yet I’m wise enough to not let them know what I’m doing. I’m not normally a chuckle head, (Yeah right!) But I had consumed a few beers that afternoon while they were gone. Yes, I know that is no excuse, but it is my reason. The final consensus was it was just one of those unexplainable mysteries that forever will remain unanswered, similar to those such as; where Jimmy Hoffa is, or which Congressman voted for that dumb law, and was like a cat trying to bury it now in kitty litter.

The next day I took the car to the Goodyear Tire joint, after prudently checking my spare tire and verifying that all tire changing tools were in good working order. Now the “Kuya Greg”, or the foreman of Goodyear, checked out the tire and told me it was a cosmetic wound only. (All this time and a Plastic Surgeon was all I really needed?). But while the Honda was on the lift I took a good look at all the tires, and decided that a Jeepney driver could get another 200,000 miles out of them but not me. They were done as far as I was concerned. And anyone who has read anything by me in the past will know that with my new car stereo I’ll never hear the rubber slapping the side of the car when it finally blows out.

Now that I’m reassured that I’ll be doomed to drive my new old car for the remainder of my time here, up to and including my last great ride here on Earth. The tires (okay tyres if you speak the Queens English) were now on the schedule, due for replacing next month. As I ordered a new set, and they’ll put them on when they arrive from Mega Manila.

The ladies never found out I was joking around with them, and now both are happy that I got the problem looked at by Kuya Greg (Who is the sage of all things TIRE!). Who is also an honest man, for he could have told the ladies we needed new tires that day, and I wouldn’t have been able to order the set I wanted. Quick question: “Why don’t they make whitewalls anymore?”

Peace and tranquility has been restored in Bataan, my car is getting new shoes soon. Life is again as it should be. I still choose to live and drive here, and will try to do both with safety in mind. ‘ Nuff said, bye for now!

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Paul: the obvious explanation is that they ran over a duende or nuno and that his sharp bones cut the tire…

    You and your car better get to a priest or albularyo quick and remove the curse that both you and the car obviously suffered!

  2. Paul sounds like Mayang and Clara’s Transmission Synchros
    were working perfect.If they both could say the same thing at the same time and have the same look at the same time then the transmission synchros were shifting and working fine so all their gears in their head (brains) were working the same….Sounds like you were a gear or so ahead of them however……funny post…..as usual.

  3. Paul,

    Something sounds fishy. Its a small slash and I would not have noticed it, maybe the ladies ran over something and feel guilty. Anyway, accidents happens and you needed new tires.

    I just picked up my new Ford, lets see how long before I get into a fender bender in Manila traffic.

    • Don;
      I was wondering how they noticed it? Oh, the fish were in the trunk, as they had been shopping. I missed a good one there, something about a swordfish!
      Every time I was the car I find a new nick or ding, if the car was new I’d go ballistic, but it’s 15 years old, so I just have a beer.

        • Paul T.

          Good article Paul, very funny. Maybe it was just a warning that you needed new tires, so it was a good thing after all. When you get a dent or ding in a new car its just christening like they do with newly built ships like you can relate too. I remember a movie years ago called “christine” which was about a 50 something chevy that was possessed. Everytime it wrecked or was damaged it fixed itself. Now that would be nice to have. Have a nice day and drive extra safe until you get your new tires.

          • Randy;
            Only the mind of Stephen (or is it Steven) King could come up with a car like that, did you know the book and the movie were boycotted by the Auto-Mechanics Union’ The Paint and Body Union, and also the Car Makers Union.
            The Car Makers, reason is that the movie left an impression that America still made good cars, and they couldn’t have that out there.
            I was at the commissioning of one of my ship’s. the old lady kept banging the bottle against the bow, without breaking it. I turned to the XO and said; “They should have made the ship, out of glass bottle’s.”

  4. Gremlins those green devils they cut my brakes back in high school and know this. My wife is trying to get me to buy a diffrent car because ours needs new tires and instead of putting money for the new tires it could go towards a new car. Her logic falls a little short but intresting ,she is trying very hard to we bought a honda she wanted this time she is tempting me with a ford.I own a ford f 150 not great on gas but a good write off on the old taxes,farm use.

    • Eric;
      My wife loves her new old Honda, she’s the reason I don’t have a new car. We keep it clean and running well, and I’ve not made a car payment since 1978 (That’s the part she really likes). It’s so cheap here to rebuild an engine, or even a transmission. Body Shops and upholstery shops do great work on the cheap. A set of tires are nothing in the grand scheme of life.

  5. To me I think they just hit one of the umteen million potholes, but I like yours better, it gets the head strach response.

  6. Paul – i dont want to go behind Kuya Greg’s back, but I suggest that you never take a side wall cut too lightly. If it is on the part that runs on the road it has steel threads in it, but i think that in the sidewall of most tires there is no steel- and thus they are much more succeptible to blow outs. I’m no expert- but a side wall blow out is no laughing matter-especially about 120 kph uh, 60 miles an hour

    • Ian;
      You are right, it can be dangerious. I’ll have new tires this week, and one safe part about driving here is the traffic in Olongapo, you can not get your car over 30 mph at any time. I see Jeepneys and buses with tires so slick you can see the smog inside the tire. One of my mechanics will put my old tires on his car and drive them another 100,000 miles. But I agree with you, if unsafe, dump them.

  7. Paul your life in my opinion has too much stress. I suggest you purchase something liquid, make it cold, put on some music you enjoy, find a little garden spot with a fish pond and just chill. Have you not ever thought of this?

    • Ron;
      Great minds!
      That is how I spent yesterday afternoon. I’m quite stress free today. I think I’ll follow that sage advice often! Thank you sir, you just might have saved me from hypertension.

  9. Could have been from a sand barrel on the side of the road where someone put the snow shovel back handle first, leaving the ice scraping edge sticking out of the barrel. The tire must have lightly brushed against it !

    Good article Paul, the world needs more articles like this one LOL !

  10. Bob;
    That term ice scraping, would that pertain to snow cones, that they sell at the beach? (LOL)
    Here in Bataan if someone left any barrel on the side of the road it would be missing in 60 seconds, the shovel; it was gone a minute ago.
    My brother on Cape Cod for some reason fills up my Face Book page with pictures of the snow he shovels, I’ve not figured his reason yet, is he trying to make me jealous?

    • Maybe he is sending you all of the snow pics to give you something to view while enjoying a San Mig in the warm tropical climate. When I was outside shoveling snow, don’t you think thoughts of my visits there crossed my mind ? I sent a few of my own snow pics to some of my friends there too LOL .

      • Bob;
        Now I understand why he does it. He’s jealous of me! Aren’t there people, who you can hire to shovel snow? I’d wait until it melted myself.

  11. Paul;
    Something did happen and my guess is your asawa and her sister thought you would go balistic. But you handled them like an old pro that you are cool as a cucumber an had alittle fun as well. Yea the twin thing is amazing my grandbabies are identical twins and sometimes they just look at each other and start laughing and talking in a foreign tongue and you are clueless as to what they are saying.

    • Hello Mr. Mike;
      The funny thing is if they had come home in a jeepney carrying the steering wheel, I just would have asked if everyone was okay. But having a little fun and a cold beer is what keeps me happy. Twins are special, wow twin grandbabies must be extra special, you’re a lucky man, and busy too.

  12. Senior;
    By the way yuo could of said a dog with braces must of bit the tire when they were driving.

    • Hi Mike;
      My wife was reading over my shoulder, and got mad because there was dirt under my fingernail in the picture up above. I told her they would figure it was from the tire. As both her feet started tapping, both of my fingers started typing. So for the record: “The dirt was caused by my stinking my finger in the tire!” (Take that anyway you want to.) (lol)
      BTW: Dogs with braces? Okay shipmate (lol)

      • Senior;
        If you didn’t have dirt under your fingernails once in a while I would think you were a PrettyBoy!! Tell your asawa that pretty nails belong to Pretty Women not old saliors shipmate. 🙂
        Daughter and grandbabies moved out Saturday. AYE!! Peace and quite think I’ll have a beer an imported SMB at That.

  13. Paul,

    As i am a “smart a**”, i do these same things to my children and wife very often. lol I like to see them picture the things im saying before they tell me im just crazy. lol I love the article, brings a nice smile to start my day along with my coffee.

    Oh.. and by the way. There are some companies that still do make White walled tires. They actually make them to todays standards and road requirements. Mostly because of the demand from restoration vehicles. As i found when i was finishing my “58 Buick.. just didn’t look right without the white walls. However as im sure you can guess, they are very expensive. I did not bother with them, untill it was time for resale of the vehicle. That was over a decade ago.. so i don’t remember the company names.. (Think im getting oldtimers), but im sure a few searches on the computer can find them if anyone really wants white walls.

    • Craig;
      50’s Detroit Iron with whitewalls and Baby Moon Hub Caps, now that’s what cool means. The chance of finding whitewalls in the Philippines is as good as you finding an honest man in Congress. They don’t make them anymore. (Well, whitewalls maybe!) I’ll just do without.
      My wife and daughters, and now my granddaughter are so used to me saying odd things, they all just roll their eyes at me now. But they can’t make me stop.

  14. Paul – I’ve seen some jagged curbs do this. I know my misses likes to take jabs at curbs from time to time. Curbs often win! 😀

    • Bill;
      I think you’re right about the curbs, they can be leathal, and they do win, My wife has a thing about people on sidewalks, they get in her way.

      • Hi Paul,
        I think it’s pieces of broken glass (courtesy of the “Captain”) that you run over in your garage that did that to your tire. Next time handle the “Captain” with love and care and you won’t have any problem with your new set of tires.

  15. Paul,
    “Now the odd part was, I’d just backed the car into the carport, and had felt nothing wrong with it, … But I had consumed a few beers that afternoon while they were gone.”
    Was this before or after the SMB’s?

    • Steve;
      Even with a couple of SMB’s I can still park better than my wife. I could have easily passed the California Highway Patrols Roadside Olympics. Plus I own the only car on the street.
      So the correct answer is: “YES, after the SMB’s.” You got me!

      • Sorry Paul, was not trying to be a blog “cop” here!
        Good thing you are getting new tires. Any cut in the sidewall could be dangerous. Got to have good tires so you can make that run to get more rum!

  17. Hey paul,
    You missed your calling as a privite investigator.

    BTW, Coker tires makes white wall tires. I was thinking about gettin some for the Studebaker.
    Also, somebody, makes these whitewall inserts that are just a white rubber ring about 3 inches (2.54×3=7.62cm) wide that are held on the tire by the bead and the rim. I saw them on ebay.

    • Hudson;
      I used those whitewall inserts when I was young and poor, I found that they look good when parked, and over sixty MPH they flapped.
      You must (It’s a law) have whitewalls on all Studebaker’s, and don’t forget the baby moons.
      You can only get Coker tires if you own a DeLorean (Another law).

  18. Saw some of those whitewall tire “inserts” in Manila, but 10k for a set of four seems a bit expensive.

      • Paul..if you want white walls..on your tires…then just call your white wall man and have him come over with his can of white paint and brushes and sure he can fix you up, and maybe one of those creative body shops there can pound a few beer cans together to make some baby san moons…

        • Dan;
          Do you think for a minute back in the 60’s that my friends didn’t paint their tires. Plus only 300 sets of baby moons were ever made, if you had a set, they were stolen. Hey, the baby San Moons was funny!

  19. Hi paul firstly who is jimmy hoffer? i have heard his name mentioned on various dvd ;sbut have no idea who it is ,also white walls ,mate you must have been around in capogne’s time hahahaha ,my wife run up the kirb the other day and when i asked her she said no never did that ,then i pointed out the scrubbing on the side of the tyre oh maybe when i go to elsa place kirb really high ,hmmm ok wheel alighnment coming up ,it is like have you checked alll the fluids this week yes all good ,then i will go and check them myself ,i think as long as it starts and goes that is all theey will worry about ,women drivers ehhhh
    chris

    • Chris;
      Jimmy was a mob connected union boss, who has never been seen or heard from again. (Google him it’s interesting)
      As for women drivers, the problem they have is judging distance. you see for years men have been telling them, that four inches is really seven inches. So who’s fault is it? (That’s going on Face Book today.) Bless me I’m good!
      As for how long I’ve been around, I’ll put it this way. On the seventh day he rested, on the eighth day I helped him invent beer.

          • Hehe.. like many people.. i think i have a possibility about Hoffa. Theres a little town about half way between Chicago and Detroit . (Capone even had a house near there, for hiding. Its a cool, huge house in the woods). There’s also a factory there that is major teamsters. My father, cousins, brother and myself (before college) all worked in this factory. Over the years you here some interesting stories.

            One day they wanted to dig and install a new lift system in back of the shop. I was helping my brother (he was in charge of location and installing the system). But they could not, cause the older men there remember that area was allready filled with junk. Or course we ask.. “What Junk?”. So, we where told one day the important union men showed up… made a huge hole and barried a Semi trailer of junk there.

            Of course, i was curious. “What kinds of things was in the trailer?” They started mentioning all kinds of things.. barrels, junk metal, boxes, etc… but each one of them also mentioned a car. They say that was only thing that seemed strange at the time.. cause the car looked to be in OK shape. But nobody there asked any questions about the junk or car.. cause who these people where.

            Now.. not a single one among the old timers, or anyone else thought of Hoffa.. but for some reason it jumped into my mind. Maybe cause (John Gotti Jr. was at the shop a few month before that)lol But asking more about when and what year, etc.. the semi trailer was burried. Nobody can remember for sure. But i have figured out that it was kind of close to that time (give or take 5yrs)

            So, eventually i decided to mention my crazy theory to my brother and cousin. They both laughed at first.. then thought more, and told me to shut up about it. Its very interesting theory they think, but with the teamsters power still the boss there, and jobs easily taken away. I was told it doesn’t matter now, so leave it alone. We will never know.

            Just thought id toss that into your Hoffa mention.. cause i still think its possible he is there. But we will probably never know.

            • Craig;
              Your brother is right, “Somethings are better left alone.”
              Don’t you agree; Don Craig?
              My grandfather was a original Teamster, he drove a horse drawn freight wagon (six horse rig) from Boston to the outlying towns, starting in 1897.

  20. Paul, they don’t make whitewalls since cars don’t have fins any more. Got fins? Get whitewalls!

    Actually, I had whitewalls on my 1999 white Cherokee, but I think I was drunk or in love or some similar nonsense when I ordered them. I didn’t use that car on road when there was a dirt track available for the next eighteen months until they were worn out and replaced with blackwalls!

    • Jim;
      Whitewalls and Fins! Gadzooks, I know you’re right!

      Offroadin’ and whitewalls? I bet that was an idea that never caught on. I had a Jeep CJ7 in Florida, after a day of muddin’ I couldn’t see my rims, let alone my tires.

      • White Cherokee with white walls? Hahahaha I’m just trying to visualize this truck on the road here in the U.S. I wonder if it had a chain license plate frame and fuzzy dice hanging from the rear view mirror?

        Paul T- Can you tell me why the Cherokees’ front wheels are set farther apart than the rear ones?

        • Ricardo;
          As to the wheelbase on the Cherokee, Jim would have to tell you that, it’s something I didn’t know. Improved steering maybe?
          Fuzzy Dice, I can’t have them here, my wife has it loaded with religious icons, and I’m not kidding, there is a plastic Jesus on the dashboard of my car. Anyone remember that song?

            • Ricardo;
              That’s up on the rear-view (Or blocked view) Mirror too, It connected to the transmission and if the car is not in park or the Rosary is missing the car won’t start. My wife has all bases covered. But, you knew that! (lol)

  21. Paul,it was them darn termites that attacked your tyres.
    You see,your wife drove through some wood chippings that stuck to the tyres,in their enthusiasm to devour the wood chippings,they mistook your tyres for Ebony wood,ha ha ha,lol.

    regards,
    Chas.

    • Chas;
      A viable alternative, an idea with merit! I’m spraying on my tires today.
      BTW: You’ve been missing from FaceBook for awhile, good to hear from you again.

      • Paul,no worries,i’m still around lol,just spending less time on the net,been busy with that four letter word,”work”.
        regards,Chas.