I had another Podcast scheduled for publication today, but I decided to postpone the Podcast until next week, and instead write this. Something happened yesterday which I want to write about. I need to write about it. The information, I hope, is interesting and relevant. But, the main reason I need to write it is because it is bothering me. Often, when something is bothering me, if I write about it, it helps me sort out my thoughts and put my mind at ease. This incident is really bothering me, so maybe writing this article will help me.
Yesterday, I needed to go downtown for something, around lunch time. So, I walked up to the main road and caught a jeepney, rode it to the downtown area and took care of my business. Everything was going well, and I was in a good mood, feeling great.
After taking care of my errand, I did some more walking downtown to the area where I could catch a jeepney to go home. Pretty routine, just like I do many times. When I got on the jeepney to head home, there were only 3 others riding on the jeepney, so 4 people including me. It was a large jeepney, and with so few people aboard, we were fairly spread out.
I was sitting all the way in the back, right next to the back door of the jeepney. Around the middle of the jeepney there was a lady around 45 or so, with a child (probably her son) who was maybe 8 years old or so. Then, there was another lady sitting all the way at the front, right behind the driver.
I decided to go ahead and pay for my ride, so I got a P10 coin out to pay (P8 was my fare) and called out “bayad” as is the local custom. I then reached with my coin to hand it to the lady who was sitting with the boy. This is the normal way of paying, you pass your fare to people closer to the driver, and they pass it forward as well, until it reaches the driver of the jeepney (or the conductor if there is one). When I reached forward with my coins, the lady looked at me, straight into my eyes, and said “NO”. I have to say, I was pretty shocked. I have never seen this happen before. I have seen people not pass fare, but never come right out and say “NO”. Instead, usually, you can see people will just ignore, or act like they didn’t hear you. But, this lady just glared at me, I could see the anger in her face. I really don’t know why, I had done nothing to her, in fact, I had just gotten on the Jeepney just a minute before I tried to pass my fare.
So, I wanted to pay my fare, but there was no way I could reach to lady sitting all the way in the front, since I was way in the back. So, while the jeepney was moving, I just stood up and walked to the front. I handed a P10 coin to the lady up front, and she gave it to the driver. I was distracted because of what had happened, and because of that, I forgot to tell the driver where I was going. I had paid P10, but the fare to my destination would only be P8, but the driver didn’t know, because I didn’t tell him where I was going. He just assumed that P10 was my proper fare. So, I called out to the driver – “Sa SM lang” or “Just to SM”. So, then, the driver knew that he owed me P2, so he handed it to the lady sitting behind him. She held it out to pass it to the lady who had refused me, and she said “NO” again.
Again, I stood up and walked forward so that I could get my change. Both the driver and the lady at the front of the jeepney looked shocked at what had happened. When I got my change, I was standing right in front of the rude lady, I turned to her and said “Ikaw ang pinakabastos!” That translates to “You are the most rude”. Ha ha… I don’t usually say things like that, but I really felt offended by this lady. The other lady, the one up in the front of the jeepney got a smile on her face, I could tell that she was happy with what I told the lady.
It really made me feel bad when that happened. I felt bad about it for much of the rest of the day. Most Filipinos are so nice and polite, and I have tried to let that trait rub off on myself too. So, when this lady treated me like that, it really struck me, and not in a good way. When I got home, I told Feyma what happened, and she was pretty happy with what I told the lady on the jeep.
I think she deserved what I told her. What do you think? What would you have done or said? My general reaction would be to just remain silent, but this time I felt pretty strongly about the lady’s negativity.
I agree with your approach. Since you made it perfectly clear that it was not known why the woman was distressed, and chances are you’d never find out anyway, you might as well put her in her place.
Additionally, you didn’t go to far with it. You just gave her a piece of your mind and the hell with it.
Nicely done, sir.
Ha ha, thank you, Chris. Yeah, I didn’t make a big issue of it or continue on glaring back at her or anything, just made it clear that she was not being very nice! 🙂
I guess we will never know what the lady’s real problem was but, I believe that you handled the situation very well. I don’t know if I would of reacted quite the same way you did.
Yeah, that is true, Gary, we will never know. My impression was that she just did not like foreigners for some reason, but I can’t be certain. Funny thing was that her young son had been watching me, seemed curious about having a foreigner ride the jeepney. I had been thinking of talking with him a bit, but after the reaction of the mother, I decided it might not be a good idea! 🙂
There’s always an odd one when you’re out there dealing with so many people. It was rude, but I’m not surprised. My younger son, when he rode jeepneys every day, told me some of the strangest stories about things that happened on them.
Hi RT – It did really surprise me. I ride the jeepney a lot, and this was my first time to experience such hostility from another passenger.
Hi Bob,
I think you handled the situation quite well. If that was me, I would have told her, “wtf” is your problem lady? Why don’t you go fly a kite?? lol. I am surprised that there are people like her, usually pinoys are very friendly, I have been away too long from the country and to experience something like that will really pissed me off!
Good for you!
Hi to Feyma
Vivien
Hi Vivien – Thanks. You know, it was kind of funny, because the very day that Feyma wrote about racism that she had experienced in the USA, this happened to me. Strange coincidence.
Hi Bob,
Who knows–maybe the woman was dealing with some mental illness issue, or was dealing with some personal problem, and acted out towards you. You might have been one of others she had treated the same way that day. Seems like an odd reaction on her part, but your reaction was an honest one.
I guess anytime one of us is out in a public situation, unusual things can be witnessed more readily.
Hi Queenie – Yes, hard to know! I did not get the impression that she was mentally ill, but mental illness can take many forms, though. I will say, she was not “buang” (I know you speak Bisaya, so you know what I mean), but perhaps some problem was weighing on her.
Yeah Bob,
and a short jeepyney ride is not much time for any probing questions for her. Maybe I would have said Na kay problema day? Is there a problem? Maybe she had had some bad experiences with foreigners on the jeepney in the past, and just reacted on reflex.
I’d just chalk it up to experience, and try not to take it too personal, but that was a buang situation
in general, and it does take all kinds to make a world haha
Queenie
Maybe so, Queenie. I was thinking that maybe she had a bad impression of foreigners whether it be from a Jeepney ride or some other experience.
You’re actions were beyond reproach. I don’t know if I would have thought to say what you did to the rude passenger. When things like that happen to me,, I think of better things to say long after the event has taken place! I wouldn’t dwell on it. I’d just pass it off to the human condition.
Hi Ronald – Thanks. There was a day when I would have really gone off on her and given her a REAL piece of my mind! I have grown beyond that, though, and what I gave her was enough to let her know that her actions were not appreciated. I guess it was a growth opportunity for me, and in my mind, I passed the test. 😉
I don’t feel you were not justified to express to the lady that she was being rude,as she was acting in a rude manner to refuse to pass your fare as customary, but I feel there was another option in how to deal with the situation. As you stated in your article you don’t know why she was acting this way as you had never met this woman before. Maybe another approach would have been to simply ask her why she was refusing to pass the money. I think a polite inquiry might have revealed the reason for her bad feelings and possibly created an opportunity to heal those negative feelings or at least demonstrate that you were not deserving of the treatment you received. I’m not suggesting that we should never defend ourselves or allow others to mistreat us without responding but maybe the first response could be an attempt at understanding as opposed to immediately chastising a person for their behavior.
Yes, David, your suggested approach is different than mine, and maybe yours was better (and maybe not). It is not something I considered, perhaps I should have.
That is very rare, never had that happen to me., some people just rude I guess.
Same here, Carl Duell, a totally new experience.
Wow, sorry you had that happen. I’ve never seen anything that rude on a jeepney. 🙁
I guess we all encounter rude behavior from time to time. My Dad told me if we let others effect our attitude, then they are controlling our behavior, not ourselves. So since then I just smile, and tell them God is with them always.
Hi Bill, thanks for sharing that, I think it is a good idea.
It was my first time too.
Half the time I am in a Jeepny I get smiles as I am so bloody tall and almost crawl inside them lol, least I haven’t encountered any rude people , just smiles and some laughs at me.
They do tend to be short inside!
it was ur turn Bob , u good now lol
Bob,
When we ride the jeepneys or multicabs alot of times the kids will ignore you and not pass your fare forward. A couple of times the driver did not give back our change which was only 3 pesos until Anne said something. Maybe its because I was a rich foreigner, but who knows. On a different note, a few weeks ago a couple of American friends of mine and Myself got on a jeepney that was empty. We drove quite a while before getting another passenger. When that next passenger stepped up into the jeepney she stopped and her eyes got big when she only saw 3 big kanos riding. I had a laugh about that.
I usually find the kids to be the most helpful, PapaDuck. Surprised you experience them being unhelpful like that.
I wonder if the woman was shocked when you said something to her in local language ?
I recently relayed to Bob, an item that was brought to my attention about someone who claimed to be from New York USA who caused a disturbance in some kind of museum there in Davao and was quite rude to the staff there. You never know, maybe the woman on the jeepney worked there or heard about the incident from someone else and since then has a negative attitude against foreigners, especially Americans. It is too bad when things like this happen.
Maybe she thought I was the guy who acted badly in the museum, Bob!
Bob I commend you fore you are always defending the people here in the Philippines and I guess it is because you love this land and it’s people. I do too! That is why I travel all over preaching the word of GOD to them. But I too have ran into many rude, disrespecting people in my travels. Face it, not all Filipinos like us. Why? Many foreigners come here for a visit to abuse the young girls here and then head back home. They have their nose up in the air and feel they are better than any Filipino. I have met and chastised many of them my self. Maybe this woman in your encounter has had a bad experience with a foreigner of this caliber and now she has no respect for any of us. Just saying.
Budrick! perhaps some native people do not like foreigners trying to shove the word of God down their throats like the Spaniards did a long time ago. Times have changed since then and Missionaries and Evangelists are no longer welcome in many parts of the world! Let’s face it Sir! You are a dying breed, no offence intended!
You did the right thing Bob so you shouldn’t be bothered. Would have done the same. You are a normal person Mate! Hehe 😉
You did the right thing Bob! I don’t think I would have been so polite! I am getting tired of the constant stares and name calling though! Afar cry from my old job as a Police Officer!!!
Keep up the good work Bob!
Thanks, Richard.
I have learned not to focus on the how rude someone is but on my reaction to how rude a person is. When someone is rude to me it indicates to me that person has a problem and I am part of the solution to that problem if i will do biblically what i am called to do by forgiving him or her and then praying for God to work in that person’s life. Therefore, i use incidents like this to know who to pray for as I know something about this person and what to pray that others do not know.
Gene Wagstaff
Thanks for your suggestion.
Good move.
I am good, Michael.
Thanks, Budrick, what you say makes sense.
Thanks for your input, Ike.
Thanks, David Taber
Sometimes, the best reply to an insult or to rude behavior is “wow”.
It’s taken me a long time to get over the impulse to call the spade a spade. And I still struggle with it now and then, but I generally find no upside to telling someone off when all is said and done. I usually end up being more irate for a longer time and the guilty party feels justified in their rudeness, using my angry response as evidence supporting their prejudice.
I’m not sure how I’d have reacted in the moment, but I’d like to think I’d follow up the “wow” with an awkward pause, then maybe see that she gets a good close look at my backside while I slip past her to pay. Then I’d wink at the boy for good measure and try to get a smile out of him… maybe even say “good bye” to the kid on my way out.
Hi John, I think the problem for all of us is thinking of the best response on the fly. Usually it comes to us later.
I keep an extra “wow” in my pocket for all occasions these days. I first started using that with family members (down South) who insisted on sounding like racist jerks in my presence. It put a quick end to the problem without getting them angry at me.
Indeed, John.
I live in the south. All I can say about you comment is …..wow.
I think you read too much into what I said, Steve. Some of my family have very different views about things than I do and such views are more commonly held where I grew up. But when it comes to family members making derogatory comments about ethnic groups – or anyone who disagrees – especially in the presence of my children, I feel it’s wrong to say nothing at all.
Expressing dismay without attacking – for me – hits the right middle ground without picking a fight. And it gives me an opportunity for a teaching moment for my kids. I learned the “wow” response from someone else who was thoughtful enough to share it with me and it’s served me well. Just passing it forward…
Bob, I think you handled it well. I’m sure she was completely taken aback when you spoke to her in Bisaya.
Your knowledge of Bisaya is really quite useful in situations like this. I remember when Becky and I were in Abu Dhabi, she was at work and her boss had a meeting with someone. Rebecca is completely fluent in Arabic. They guy visiting the office needed a document and said, “Just have your stupid Filipino secretary type it up” in a Saudi dialect of Arabic. Rebecca said, in perfect Arabic, “Would you like it typed in English or Arabic? Are you sure you want something so important typed by stupid little me?” The reaction was absolutely, 100% priceless. (To be fair, the a-hole gave her 1,000 dirhams as an apology, after eating his words… Her boss just laughed about it.)
I’ve only encountered outright hostility a couple of times here, but it is important to note that there are people here who simply do not like foreigners. Period. Just as there are people like that in the USA or anywhere else. Certainly, OFWs face this quite often. There was recently a big controversy in Singapore against Filipinos. Look at all of the anti-immigrant rhetoric coming from the USA nowadays.
This is also why I get pissed off when I see other expats making asses of themselves. It makes all of us look bad.
Hi John – Yes, being able to speak the language is a hugely helpful tool. And, it does work well in this type of situation. It shows that I am not a typical foreigner, but rather have shown respect for the culture by taking the time to learn to speak the language. That is exactly why I used it in this situation! 🙂
I think you handled it perfectly Bob! Rude people need to be told that they are rude! Don’t lose any sleep over it my friend!
Thanks, Heinz!
Well said. You handled it with class.
Wow, thanks, Brian! 🙂
Hi Bob –
At first blush, I probably would have reacted the way you did. Upon further reflection, however, I think I would have just blew it off and smiled at her to see if that would soften her demeanor. I wouldn’t be interested in finding out what was bothering her. only to see if I could get her to smile. That’s my nature. Also, if I were a foreigner in that situation, I would be mindful of the caveat to foreigners that I could be deported for insulting her by calling her “bastos” despite her rudeness.
Hi John, I do not believe there is any possibility of being deported for what I said.
i like u dear
Bob maybe she was just having a bad day but you handled the situation pretty well, i was also shocked that she refused to help you pass the coin to the driver coz i didn’t encounter such rudiness everytime a rode a jeepney even once but i agree that she’s quite rude and don’t worry i doubt if you will be deported for what you said.
Hi Rebecca. Thanks. Yeah, even if the Commissioner of the Bureau of Immigration was on the Jeepney, I don’t think there would be any possibility of deportation.
Haven’t seen you here for a while, Rebecca. Thanks for stopping by.
Bob I totally agree with what you did, she deserves it, if I was in the jeep I would be ashamed of what he did to you , never in my experience riding the jeepney that anyone would refuse to hand over the fare, its automatic inside a jeep to pass a fare between passengers,
Thanks, Daniel, I appreciate your thoughts. You know what what is kind of funny? Sometimes on a Jeepney I can sense that people think I won’t pass the fare, but I am always happy to do it. I enjoy seeing the surprised look on their face when I take their fare to pass it. 🙂
Times they are a changing Bob! Jeepneys will disappear in a time because it just have to be done something for the air pollution! In Cebu they are trying to figure new BUS routes and when the jeepneys are gone from the cities we don`t have to talk anyone but just sit quiet in our places “disturbing” anyone. It will happen just like in every “Western” countries sooner than later. We just sit there alone with our nose forward or if we were lucky as having a window seat, chasing with our eyes the real life on the street if we can catch that for a second or two! 🙂 This is called “a progressive breakthrough” here in my home country. Boy, I miss “It`s more fun in the Philippines!” I hope my sarcasm did help you to think that you had a very important experience and cleared it up with a result 10+ ! Peace into your mind and soul!
Thanks you Leo, interesting and thought provoking comment. I hope that jeepnies last long enough that I don’t see the day when they have gone. I really like them.
I viewed a comment stating you could have handled it in a different manner, but let me just say it’s easier to sit here and read the incident, thus, having more time to process how one would handle that situation. Now remove oneself from reading the incident and put yourself in the ‘heat of the moment’ when you have mere seconds to respond or not to respond.
When one thinks of the in the moment human nature reaction – I believe Bob handled it well. The lady flat out refused multiple times. I don’t think it’s a bad thing to check someone on how they leave you feeling. We do it with children, right? Why can’t we correct the behaviors of an adult when you find them being rude to you? If Bob was to be deported for something as minor as that then I would not want to live here.
Maybe, just maybe, he did her a favor? Perhaps she will go home and realize that she was in fact being rude and perhaps she may respond in a more civilized manner next time? If we don’t know something is broke – how can we fix it? I hope she also thinks about how some foreigners love this country enough to want to learn their language so they can talk to the locals in a manner that embraces ‘good will’.
Bill
Very good, Bill! Thinking the “lady” and “matters behind the curtain”! She just did want to “split it out” what she might have had an experience from some jerk “Joe”!? I`ve noticed much more foreign jerks than Filipinos on the streets in the Philippines! Don`t have to go to bars to look and seek!
We can only hope, Bill. I was not mean to her, but I did let her know what I thought. I didn’t raise my voice or anything, just said it in a matter-of-fact way.
Hi Bill –
There is no doubt in my mind that you were referring to my comment because I was the only one who brought up the subject of deportation. But, first thing first.
In the last paragraph of Bob’s article, he asked: “What would you have done or said?” To that question, I gave an answer straight from the heart. However, I didn’t say that Bob “could have handled it in a different manner”, as you stated. (You said,, “I viewed a comment stating you could have handled it in a different manner,”)
There is a big difference. I said, I – not Bob – would have just blew it off and smiled at the lady to see if that would soften her demeanor. Is that to you the same as me telling Bob that he should have handled it in a different manner? I would never suggest to Bob that he should have done what I would have done in the same situation. Bob and I are two different people with different temperaments. That being said, shouldn’t we be expected to react differently from one another to the same situation? Exactly what do you find problematic about the difference in opinion? That it doesn’t agree with what Bob had done?
Secondly, with or withut the benefit of hindsight, my knee-jerk reaction would be the same even “in the heat of the moment”, as you put it. I would still give the lady a big smile despite her rudeness. That is my nature. I am a teaser. The sulkier the person, the more I would try to coax a smile out of her. There is one other factor that changes the whole picture for me, and it is perhaps the main reason why I would have reacted in the manner I have already described. It is the fact that she, despite her uptightness, is a woman with a baby on her lap. You or anybody can disagree with me on this all you want, but it doesn’t change my perception about how she came across to me
Thirdly, I strongly disagree with your opinion that you don’t think “it’s a bad thing to check someone on how they leave you feeling”. You are entitled to your opinion, but to me it is a VERY bad thing to be lecturing a complete stranger, period, but in public and in a public conveyance, no less, and probing into her private life to find out what what was bothering her just to satisfy your own feelings? LOL
Lastly, the thing about deportation. I didn’t make that up. I wasn’t even aware that such a law exist until I started reading LiP.
http://liveinthephilippines.com/could-you-be-deported/
Hi Bill – Bob with his character and standing in Philippine community has 0% chance of being deported over such a matter. Just my opinion.
🙂 Well, actually I do the same, even very worried how it will happen to the air around them every time they run in a thick black cloud of diesel smoke….still “Save the polar bears..!”
No doubt that this reply, mentioned for Bob about jeepneys, will show me also one of the jerks, too! Pointing with 1 finger to someone else gives you 3 more showing yourself…lol! But the main thing is that Bob don`t remember any more where the subject was started! Left behind! Past is passed! No worry in the Philippines!
The Jeepneys in Davao don’t belch much smoke. In fact, I find it rare to see black smoke. I have seen it in other cities around the Philippines, no much in Davao, though.
hey good article and a fair question
thanks for speaking up about your hat tip with a lady on the jeepney ride.
still it shows a lady adamant that farangs are in a dubious light
mothers may well beware of white men in general even the more presently
one could naturally apologize without question to accommodate such a lady
simply because it is unmanly to discount a lady in distress on any account
for example recent public news of abuse by a foreigner surely rings alarm bells
lately.on radio i heard an Australian got convicted along with his Pinay wife
that kind of foreigner has the effect of one of bad apple spoils the whole box
Hi Timbo. Farangs? So Thailand! 🙂
You are so right, though that we foreigners are judged as a group based on the actions of others in the group, which is quite unfair, but unavoidable.
Hi Bob
If the lady had no apparent illness then it’s quite possible she has a dislike for foreigners that abuse the culture and just clumps you into a group. Just my opinion of a possible reason for the behavior.
Quite a few Filipinos I have met in Dumaguete view foreigners as bad people and create a stereotype of all.
Maybe she was disgruntled because she is half your size being a Filipina and you pay the same fair. I’m sure people want more because of my size at times. Lol.
Ha ha… funny. 😉
Yes, it was my feeling that she simply disliked foreigners, but there is no way to know for certain.
Bob
you probably been around people like this before in a Jeepney, just with so few people in this one made you notice them more.
Imagine the peer pressure of a full jeepney or someone else reaching over such a rude person to get your fare. You wouldn’t even have noticed this person. But this time there wasn’t a full jeepney so you had no choice to notice this rude person.
I think there are more people like this we just don’t notice that much.
True, James. There are all types of people everywhere in the world, no doubt!
There are weirdos everywhere..
Hi Jon, nice to hear from you! Weirdos everywhere? That is the understatement of the year! 🙂
Bob maybe she mistook you and thought you were Tod Hoffman with out the goatee
Ha ha.. yes, my old friend Todd! 🙂 Perhaps so!
Hi Bob,
My wife has said on occasion that money is dirty because a lot of people touch it. My wife does pass the money on the jeepney, but maybe this lady has a stronger fear of touching money. Did you see the lady touch anyone else’s money while on the jeepney? James Speight mentioned that some people probably never touch the money, but people do not notice because there are many other hands to pass the money. It may be this lady has a policy basically where she is not going to touch the money. You are probably right though that she doesn’t like foreigners and she did seem rude.
Some people are kind of paranoid about germs. The Ebola virus comes to mind. I saw a tv news program where a doctor in the US who had volunteered to treat the missionaries who contracted Ebola in Africa got many nasty e-mails from people saying that they were endangering the heath of the US by bringing the people infected with the disease to the US for treatment.
Of course anything is possible, but it was my impression that she just didn’t like foreigners. Not wanting to handle money would not explain the hateful glare that she gave me.
Bob, your reaction to this woman is natural. Sometimes test on our character comes in a bizarre way. feeling bad to what happened was a “good” thing it show your character as a real person deep inside, not arrogant, considerate and compassionate. Thats why your blessed with wonderful family, good bus. And living the life in the Phil. I cant wait to join you guys when get there. Take care.
Hi Ambo – Thanks for sharing your kind thoughts. You take care also.
Almost certainly she’s annoyed with foreigners…probably some bad experience with an “angry foreigner”, who knows. I’d feel a but upset like you I guess, but really, you handled it very well indeed.
That is exactly how I saw it, Jim. Thanks.