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I’ve fallen in Love again

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Bob & Feyma Martin - 28 Years of Marriage
Bob & Feyma Martin – 28 Years of Marriage

Yes, it truly happened

I have fallen head over heels

Feyma left the Philippines in May, she is working in Alaska right now. Well, maybe I should say that she is in Alaska, but leave the working out! She is employed, but they work when there is fish (she is working at a Seafood Processing plant there). This has been the worst year for Alaskan fishing in several decades from what I have been told.

Work has been sparse. Some days Feyma will get 3 or 4 hours of work, from time to time an 8 hour day, and sometimes she will get overtime, but rarely. A lot of days, though, there is no work at all.

This is a mix of good and bad

There is a good side to not getting much work, and that is that we get to spend a lot of time chatting with each other. We do an occasional video chat or voice, but the Internet is very spotty there, and expensive, so those things are rare.

The bad side, of course, is that she went there to work and earn money. Feyma has a special goal that she wants to attain, and I support her on that. No work, no money, takes longer to reach her goal. Another downside is that if I spend the whole day chatting with my wife, I don’t get a lot of work done. 🙂

Chatting and interacting with my wife, though, is worth the work waiting a bit, I can assure you of that.

Today is a big day

Today, August 9 is our 28th Wedding Anniversary. Yep, 28 years ago today, August 9, 1990, Feyma and I were married in General Santos, Philippines. It is a day that means a lot to me, and her too.

Seems like it was just yesterday.

But I recently fell in love again

I have loved Feyma for longer than 28 years. When I was “courting” her, I already knew she was the one that I would marry (if she would have me), and I did. There has not been a day in those 28+ years that I did not love Feyma.

But, recently, I fell in love with Feyma again. We were already in love, but for each of us, our love has grown much deeper.

Because of our “plenty of time for chatting” Feyma and I have gotten into some really deep and long chats recently. We have, more or less, always had a good marriage. I mean, no couple goes 28 years (or even 2 years) without arguing, fighting, or having disagreements. That is normal. But, it has been a good 28 years.

One day, late afternoon here, late the previous night in Alaska, Feyma “signed off” from our chat and went to bed. She was hoping for work the next day.

After Feyma went to bed, I started thinking about our marriage, and how good it has been. But, I was not satisfied. Not being satisfied can be good or bad. In this case, not being satisfied was a good thing.

The next time I was able to chat with Feyma, I told her what I had been thinking about. I told her that I was not satisfied with the quality of our marriage. Sounds critical, don’t you think?

Well, it was not critical. I told her that our marriage was great, but I wanted for the two of us to step up. I wanted us to always be open and honest with each other. I asked her to tell me where I needed to improve, and I told her where I would like to see her improve.

Know what? It felt so good to open up like that.

Over the past few years, our marriage has been at its peak in terms of happiness. Perhaps that has come from my near-death experience in 2016, it showed us that life is fragile. Perhaps not, but our marriage has been great. But, in the past couple of weeks, since this “I’m not satisfied” conversation, our marriage has stepped up. We did not just move up a level or two. Nope, we moved to a whole new stratosphere. It has been amazing.

At a Wedding that we attended about a decade ago
At a Wedding that we attended about a decade ago

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

The old saying about absence is true for us. Last year was the first year that Feyma went abroad to work. We saw last year that our marriage improved.

After over a quarter century of marriage, and spending all of our time together, we had come to take each other for granted. We learned not to do that.

This year has been another skyrocket situation. Our relationship has become amazing. My wife is amazing, so our relationship should be too. What did I ever do to deserve her?

I do miss my wife

I miss Feyma, I am not going to lie about that. But, I know that she has a goal that she is working toward, and I support her. There have been other benefits for us, like the skyrocketing of our relationship.

I only see things continuing to get better and better. It is like we just got married last week.

So, yes, I have truly fallen in love again. With my wife.

Happy Anniversary, Babe. I love you!

Reader Interactions

Comments

    • Thank you very much, my friend! I hope we are less than halfway through our marriage.. let’s see, that will put us at 56 years or more.. 🙂

  3. Happy Anniversary Feyma and Bob and many more to come. It is good to hear that your love for each other is growing deeper and may it always continue that way. Best Wishes for the future.

  4. Happy anniversary Feyma and Bob i hope you have another 28 year’s together.
    God Bless

  5. That often is the case, Bob. When husband and wife are still very much in love after being married for many years, a temporary separation for whatever reason and especially for an extended periodf of time, absence from one another certainly does make the heart grow fonder.

    Absences also gives one the rare opportuniy for deep introspection not usually achieved when you’re together, sometimes because of the demands of daily routine. Now in Feyma’s absence, you suddenly remember those random moments and missed opportunities in the past when you could have told her, “I Love You” for no reason other than to reaffirm your love for her,. But, you didn’t because it just did not occur to you at the time to say it. Now you regret not having taken advantage of those missed opportunities and couldn’t wait until she comes home to make it up to her.

    Don’t worry, Bob, I’m on the same boat. My wife is away on vacation to Europe for an entire month with my daughter and some friends. I just remembered that I forgot to say, “I love you”, as we waved goodbye to one another as she disappeared from view past the security checkpoint at the airport. Happy anniversary!

    • Our separation has been very difficult, John, but it has really stepped up our relationship for each of us.

      When we are together, I think Feyma and I always say “I love you” at least 100 times per day. But, it has more meaning now.

      Thank you, John.

  12. Hope the anniversary was good! I’m glad you did something for her which I’m sure brought a smile to her face.

  14. Beautiful sentiments Bob. You are both very lucky and it is luck that you created. -Rob

  15. Hi Bob,

    Sorry to hear about the bad fishing year. That is most surely hurting a lot of folks. Nice read on your relationship with your wife. Happy anniversary to you and Feyma!

  16. Great read! Happy Anniversary! My wife and I hit 15 years next month and you are absolutely right on when saying being away makes the relationship stronger. I spent 3 of those years separated from my wife serving in remote locations and every time our relationship grew stronger. Congrats again and cheers to many more.

  18. Congrats Bob and Feyma. I do believe our marriage is about adjustments on both sides. Like you it seems we have grown together to have a tighter bond and understanding. We are lucky guys!

  19. Congratulations Bob and Feyma! Thanks for sharing your story. The best relationships are always worth working for. May you both have many years of happiness ahead.

  20. Bob,
    Hope you had a wonderful anniversary. Sorry for the late response as we were out of town.