One area where you’ll find a huge difference between the Philippines and Western countries is in the way people deal with each other. In the West, we pretty much say what’s on our mind. If there’s something we don’t like, we say what we don’t like. Here in the Philippines, and pretty much throughout Asia, that is not so much the case. People go out of their way is not to be critical of others, and for good reason. Causing someone to lose face is very serious, it could even be deadly.
As a foreigner here in this culture, this is a lesson that you really need to learn, and learn quickly. You don’t want to criticize somebody publicly in front of other people. If you do so to severely, it could result in serious problems. Last year, American Lola wrote an article on this topic. I wanted to revisit it, and maybe highlight it a bit. The reason for this is because this is such an important topic in living here that it is something we all need to remember, and follow as much as possible.
When you cause a Filipino to lose face in front of his friends or family, you are in for trouble and you need to figure out what to do. If you don’t, there’s no telling what could happen, including death. That would be extreme, but it does happen. Basically, I would suggest that you need to show some humility, and apologize in front of the same people that witnessed the event. If you don’t do that, the person who lost face will not regain his honor. Basically, if you take no action to correct the problem, revenge might happen, and it might happen even years later. These things are not easily forgotten.
American Lola’s article is very good and quite complete. I recommend reviewing it from time to time, and try to take the lesson to heart. I know that in the past I have acted in ways that caused people to lose face, and that’s not something I’m proud of, but it’s also good if I can take my lesson and grow, and avoid the problem in the future. That is something I think I’ve been able to do, and hope I will continue to do in the future.
Saving face is very important here.
hello bob
i guess the filipino are very touchy when it comes to losing face huh.i know a few times when i was walking in panabo when there was a bunch of guys hanging around they would talk very bad of me but when they was alone or just a couple of them they had nothing to say.mabe bravery comes in numbers there huh.well i guess its alot like here as well.i guess im a guest there so i remained calm but if it happened here in usa i would have said something back to them.mabe it would have helped if i knew bisaya huh lol.no matter what country im in i am allways respectful as long as im respected in the same manner.i guess my view on this is im not going to give anyone a hassle and im not going to take any grief as well.its worked out very well for me so far.
salamat bob
Hi Ron W – you did the right thing by just not saying anything in that situation, I think. This be safe than sorry. And, in the end, it really didn't make any difference to you.
if filipinos lose face, they'll sulk and do tampo. they'll give you the cold shoulder and if amends are not done, that person will not have a favorable opinion about you for a looooong time.
think before speaking i always say…
on the other side of the coin, we filipinos are thick-faced when it comes to sarcasm. we have difficulty grasping the concept. you'll just get a blank look.
to robW: yes, courage comes in numbers… but i feel this applies to everyone, not just pinoys.
Hi juls – very very true. Everything you said there is true. Thank you for sharing that.
hello jules i have to agree with you there.actually this island where i live is mabe worse to be truethful.i mean no disrespect to pinoys ever.i have a lovely filipina fiancee now in manila doing her interview. i love philippines.
salamat jules 😉
Hello Bob,
How is the research on your injured wrists going?
Losing face any culture whether asian, western or any other culture, has always been an issue. I do not know anyone who likes being criticised in public or in front of their family. If they do they most have a very low opinion of themselves. The trouble with a lot of people is that they do not know how to say sorry and if they do it is not said with any sincerety. We all have our pride and like to
Sorry pressed the wrong button.
Part 2: be respected for what we are. So when somebody comes along and insults us, naturally we do not like it and as men that when the fun starts. So what do we do, one take it on the chin, not many can do that. 2. lash out physically or 3. sulk and plan your revenge, by stirring the family or friends. Alternativally known as raising a possie and go get the baddie.
So are filipinos much different from anybody else, I do not think so. As I said non us like to lose face in front of our friends or family.
Many a war started over losing face, or not getting out of a bad situation because of it.
Steven
Hi Steven – I'm making progress as far as my wrist is concerned. Making some changes in my lifestyle and my work habits has really helped a lot.
You're right, Steven, saving face is a worldwide thing, although I think it's a little more intense here in Asia. Thanks for your comment.
Hi Bob,
This is a good topic recall as it will certainly help people who plan to visit or even settle in the Philippines. In addition to what you've already mentioned, Filipinos would not only lose face through criticicms but also calling names just to make his buddies have something to laugh at. The problem is, Filipinos are fond of calling names not only to foreigners but also to co-filipinos. When you call him/her a name as a reply to what he/she calls you (specially if it is more laughable than the way he/she gives you name), she/he will take it personally and will think of a revenge in any way. Most of the cases start with a jokes or sarcasms and it's happenning between you and your Filipino wife or husband.
put a little asian sensitivity about losing face
add that hispanic macho culture (over 3 centuries of spain)
a dash of that american nationalistic pride (55 yrs … & counting?)
a sprinkle of good ol' crab mentality.
a pinch of moro/malay sensibility.
mix & mash anything you want to throw in because the pinoy culture is a little bit helter skelter.
… that's only a piece of the recipe, but i think it comes close to being pinoy.
(i've come across many asians who don't consider filipinos asians. i think its we because we don't really blend in well with the other asian subcultures.)
People act like kids do in a sandbox in kindergarden. People shoud grow up and be educated to know that people who make fun of others are actually worse than they, but most poor don't understand this due to lack of education.
They keep what they learned in sandbox all the way through adulthood. Fist speak louder than words. Kind, nice kids get punched. Kids who try to embarrass a bully gets smashed mouth. Why, we do this even in the congress and the malacanang! Hmm these are supposed to be educated. So my theory doesnt work here. Maybe there are two theories!
Hi Teng – Nice to hear from you. Yes, I agree that a lot of losing face starts out with jokes. Filipinos do enjoy telling jokes and such, no doubt on that one! Often times, when I ride a taxi, the driver will make a joke about my size, because I am big. If I joke back to him about one of his physical characteristics, he will get offended, so I don't do that so often anymore. It's funny, though, that such joking is not appreciated both ways. In the states, we have a saying that one should not joke, if he cannot accept a joke as well! 😆
Hi macky – Good one there, Macky!
On an off-topic comment – I picked up a Wacom Tablet yesterday. So far, while I'm still getting used to it, I love it! Thanks for the tip.
Hi khaye – Yes, a lot of people act before they first think about their actions. It's unfortunate, but that happens a lot.
Have you noticed that we filipinos usually joke to laugh AT people, not WITH people?Notice this next time you hear someone joking or on TV.
The jokes are usually basic, and meant to downgrade someone/something.
How do the MC's on Wowowee survive? They seem to really humilate the guests on that show. I am surprised that no one gets blown away!
I think in the Philippines even a blank stare at someone can be taken as a challenge of honor. The last time I was there my wife's brothers took me to an all Filipino bar. I don't think many American guys visited that bar at all. I was glancing arond the bar, and noticed I was getting a lot of threatening stares from filipino guys. I ended up just talking to the guys I was with, or staring at the floor all night. I really didn't feel comfortable there even though I was with Filipinos.
Hey Bob
Fact not Fiction
I have some first hand experience about Filipino's not wanting to be put down in public. It happened when I visited the town of Olongapo near the old Navy Base. Another Marine friend and myself made a scene with a overaggressive street sunglass seller when he approached us as we were sitting and drinking at a open air bar. About 15 minutes later he came buy selling sunglasses again with 3 other filipino's. We ended up getting into a bit of a street scuffle and a Balisong gave me a 2 inch gash on my wrist. The scar will serve as a reminder in the future when I return to RP.
The book "Philippines Culture Shock" goes pretty deep into the RP ideas of saving face and etc. Excellent reading for any newbies and pretty much any visiter to RP
Hi khaye – Unfortunately, I think that what you're saying is very true.
Hi Rob s – ha ha, I haven't watched Wow0wee many times, but from what I've seen your correct!
Hi Neal In RI – wow, that's quite a story there. I really hate those vendors that come around trying to sell me stuff too, I guess I should be a little more careful about what I say to them.
Hi Joe Parisi – that's quite an interesting event there. I've been in a few places where I felt uncomfortable before, but I generally leave quickly, if I have a feeling like that. I can't really imagine spending time there like what you did.
http://tts.imtranslator.net/190T
😆
Bob,
I only stayed because I didn't want to addmit to my filipino relatives that I felt intimidated 😆
Hi Joe Parisi – 😆
Hi Bob and to all the others: losing face is really a global thing. But it's a very special topic here in the Philippines. I adjusted already very quickly, if Philippinos joke "about me" and laugh "at' me instead laughing 'with me'. Can you imagine how many times I heard the jokes "about having a German Shepherd with them" or other things like "ACHTUNG" (Attention) from the Second World War movies. "Loosing the face"? Also Philippinos changed during the last decades. It has been a much greater topic during the 1980s, when i stayed in the Philippines several times. Anyway; great and and important article for all those who plan to visit this country.
Hi Klaus – thank you for sharing those examples. Very important indeed.
Bob,
There's a real risk for first time visitors of unknowingly doing or saying something that causes offence. It happened to me (in a small way), but, nonetheless I felt sick in the stomach when the situation was later explained to me.
Hi Laurence – Yes, I think that all of us foreigners have said things that we regretted, and didn't even know that they were wrong at first. It's a good lesson to learn!
Hi Bob:
American Lola's article is excellent. As is all of her's. It is to bad that she is no longer writing for LIP because she is by far the most informative and complete writer you have had on the site!!!
Hi Wayne A. Derby – American Lola didn't leave, she's just on vacation. She may be gone for a year or so, but when she returns to the Philippines, she fully intends to write again on the site. I agree that she was informative, but I think other writers on the site are to. American Lola will be back, and she's welcome anytime.
Hi Bob:
I'm not trying to say that the other writers are not a positive addition to your site. They all have valuable contributions. The point I was trying to make is that in reading all of your writers she stands head and shoulders above the rest in her depiction of life int RP. A unique perspective from my point of view. It is most likely due to her extended time there.
Glad to hear she may return.
Hi Wayne A. Derby – American Lola will definitely return, she and I have talked about that, and it's not a question of "may return." She is simply taking a well deserved vacation.
I couldnt get to Lola’s article. Can you post or some such?