Live in the Philippines

Live in the Philippines helps expats with visas, moving and other services regarding the Philippines.

OK, I just don’t get it

Adjustment, Expats / by

I like to think that I am a person of reasonable intelligence, and understanding when it comes to dealing with other people.  Sure, sometimes I lose my cool a bit, but we all do that from time to time, I think.  But, something happened the other day, which just reminded me of other similar events that have happened to me since living here in the Philippines.

On Monday, I was at a local coffee shop, Blugre.  I was having my normal Monday morning coffee get-together with readers of this site.  I enjoyed the get together, as three regular blog participants showed up and we had a nice chat there.  When it was time to go home, we all bid each other farewell, and headed outside.

My car was parked directly outside the front door of Blugre in a marked parking space.  I was legally parked in a proper parking space, not hanging over any lines or anything, just a normal job of parking.  I noticed immediately that another car was parked directly behind me.  I had no way to pull out of my parking space because this other car was parked illegally behind me.  I could not pull forward or I would be inside the coffee shop.  I could not pull backward or I would hit this illegally parked car.

I could not be sure where the driver of the car was, because it was empty and locked.  Blugre is in a large 17 floor corporate center, there just was no way to know where the driver could be found, because there are a lot of offices and retail businesses inside the building.  I was kind of aggravated, to say the least.  I put my laptop in my car, locked the car and stood there near the car behind me, watching for any sign of the driver.

I waited and I waited more.  I asked around to see if anybody knew who’s car was parked behind me, but nobody knew.  Really, there was nothing I could do but wait.  I waited about 40 minutes, just standing there when the driver finally came.  I asked him if that was his car, and he said it was.  I asked him why he parked behind me like that, blocking me in the parking space.  His response?  “Because.”  No apology, nothing.  He gave me a kind of smart look as he got into his car.

Something similar happened to me about 4 or 5 years ago.  A deliver truck parked right behind me in exactly the same manner.  That time, it took about only 20 minutes of waiting before the driver showed up.  I asked him if he could move his truck so that I could move out of the parking space and be on my way.  This guy responded “No, I’ll leave when I am done.”  I replied, “but you are parked illegally behind me.”  He replied – “too bad, you are just a foreigner anyway.”

Hmm…. “just a foreigner?”  What could I do.  I got angry at him, which I should not have done, and I gave him a piece of my mind.  It just slowed him down from moving, and did not help me in any way.

Normally, I find Filipinos to be very friendly, very accommodating.  They will go out of their way to be helpful and nice.  But, sometimes you come upon people who seem to go out of their way to be mean to you.  Yes, there are people like this in every country of the world, I know that.  But, it didn’t happen to me in another country, it happened in the Philippines, and I am writing about my experience here.

Usually, I find that the people who are rude like this are people with money.  I get the feeling that they kind of go out of their way to be rude to you because you are a foreigner.  I don’t know, maybe they were once treated badly by another foreigner, and are using you for “payback.”  It’s not right, but I get a feeling that this is what is happening.

Anyway, this is not something that will ruin my life.  It’s just frustrating, and inconsiderate.  I wonder how people would react if I did the same thing?  I’m not going to find out, though, because this is simply not something that I’d ever do.

I’m just a foreigner, after all…

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Bob

    I know this may sound naive, but, in that situation, aren't able to call the traffic enforcement or police and then have the car towed??

  2. Maayong Buntag Bob
    Reminds me of time when I was a child. We all rode to an event in my dad’s pickup. When we got out of the event we notice another car had parked directly behind the pickup. Well my dad did not want to wait for this person since we wanted to beat traffic so he pushed the car out of the way with the heavy back bumper of the pickup. We did not wait around to see if there was any damage to the car but I do not imagine the car looked very good after getting pushed around by the pickup.

  3. hi bob,

    I know exactly what you feel, from where i am now it's a very common thing to happen. countless times some a**h*** will park behind me and the longest hour i waited was 3 hours. I even approached a police officer and complaint about it, the only answer i got was "just wait".

    just like you said.. I am too just a foreigner, after all..

  4. hi bob,

    the moneyed and the powered people (the mighty) are on the loose again. Happened to me a few times when i was vacationing there. We were in my sister's passenger's jeepney just off of the Diversion Road in Buhangin when suddenly we heard a "thump" in the rear. I looked at the driver, but could not really make an eye contact because he was wearing his arrogant-looking, dark sunglasses. He didn't care getting off his vehicle, didn't care to offer any apologies or explanation at all. Instead he gave us the look of "now what you gonna do?" kind of look. My brother in law was going to confront him but we told him to just let it go. Glad my brother in law didn't because we found out he was a cop when he took a left turn to some police headquarters somewhere in bacaca.

    That's one of the many reasons that i dread living back there. There's just too much unfairness. You can't count on the cops if you're just a nobody there. There will be nobody to police the police.

    janet

  5. Yes Bob, very frustrating indeed, but what can you do without sinking to their level? Unfortunately, there are idiots like this all over the world. This particular idiot probably thinks he is driving a posh car, but you and I both know he's driving a fifteen+ year old thrice discontinued model that would be worth a few hundred us dollars elsewhere!

  6. Hello, Bob and good morning to you! honestly, am seething with anger while reading your post.Some people are just mean and inconsiderate and are a shame to my home country or to any country for that matter.Let's just hope that they're a minority and such incidents don't occur often.However,it doesn't mean that this kind of behavior should be condoned by the authorities in-charge.

    This is the first time i've posted my comments here but truth be told that i've been a consistent "visitor" to your site for two years now. Needless to say, am a LIP addict, as what my hubby says. Everytime am on your site he'd tease me, "oh, my wife is on vacation, she's in the Philippines again" LOL. I like this site very much, as well as the Mindanao Magazine. I wish you could post something about my hometown/city of Bislig one of these days, Bob, i'd really appreciate it very much.

    Thanks so much, and best regards to you and to your family.

  7. Hi Bob,

    That was really aggravating. Is there absolutely no recourse for you? In the first instance for example, could you not call the attention of the security guards of that building? you are a regular there & I'm sure the parking lot they provided should be their concern as well.

  8. Bob:

    In Abu Dhabi, parking was so scarce, that double, triple, or even quadruple parking was allowed… BUT, if you did it, you had to leave a piece of paper with your phone number on the dash (Took me living and driving there 3 months to figure out the "system".

    Like you, asses like that get under my skin. I'm not certain I would have shown the same restraint as you, probably to my own detriment (Don't even get me started about those idiots who park 1" away from your driver's door. In my youth, I used to carry an icepick in the car for retribution purposes…I've grown up a bit since then). As to the money, I truly think you are 100% right. It is always those who think that wealth or power equals a free pass (How many number "8" plates do you see driving like maniacs on the road here?)

    Noting your picture above, the old Joke:

    What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? The BMW has the pricks on the inside.

  9. Hi Robert G – Things don't work that way here, unfortunately. I've never seen a tow truck here, in fact. Traffic enforcement…. they simply won't get involved in something like that.

  10. Hi Larry – Maayong buntag pud. Ha ha… to be perfectly honest, I considered just pushing him out of the way by backing into him, but I decided that wasn't a wise move! 😯

  12. Win some Lose some Bob ..I had a similar incidence happen to me too ..A truck parked behind me at a country fair and it was 2 1/2 hours before he came back and moved …Phil n Jess

  13. Hi janet – Yes, I don't know why, but the people with money and/or power just feel like they can do anything. It is very upsetting sometimes. Thankfully, it doesn't happen often, though.

  15. Hi nene – Thanks for dropping by! I hope you are enjoying your "LiP Vacation" today! 😉

    For sure, guys like this are only a tiny minority. Most Filipinos are great people!

  16. Hi roy – I did talk to the security guard (the building security – there is no extra guard for the parking lot) – he just shook his head and said that he didn't know. Not sure what else I could have done! Well, I could have followed Larry's father's suggestion and pushed the guy with my bumper! 😯 Somehow, though, I think that might have caused me some trouble! 😆

  17. Hi John – Ha ha… I love that BMW joke! That made my day. Believe me, the thought of a key to his side panel, or an ice pick crossed my mind, but I decided that was not the right way to go. I don't like doing stuff like that, and it can come back to haunt you, especially here if you are dealing with one of those "power" guys.

  21. I'm glad you wrote this up, Bob. I know it is not only my grouchy old personal disposition that causes me to feel there is a distinct anti-foreigner flavor creeping into life here in the past few years.

    There are certainly plenty cases where foreigners have been rude and treated Filipinos bally … so there's some justification … but lately I sense a distinct animosity developing. I dunno, I hope I am wrong, but I really duislike it. Irt appears to me that General Ermita's "they all look alike to me" statement was more than a mispeak.

    The average driver here, especially with parking, will do things he/she would never do face to face to another person, so you do have to take the fact this discourtesy involved driving into context.

    I have to laugh at the comment regarding calling the police. That's exactly the sort of thing I try to convey when people ask me questions about living here … so often focused on costs and little else. "Culture Shock" is a lot more thna just eating balut or the smell of durian. Americans, in particular, are used to having government services at out beck and call … it don't quite work that way here.

  22. Hi Dave – Thanks for commenting and sharing your thoughts. Yes, culture is an important aspect of living here, and like you say, it has little to do with the smell of bulad or the price of rice. The prices and a few other things are topics that get all the attention from people who decide to move here, or are thinking about it. Honestly, the price of a meal at Jollibee is such a minor part of living here that it is almost laughable to make that a big concern or focus of your thoughts about living here. The only reason that I don't find it laughable is because the people who are asking don't know any better, they think that is the big concern.

    One thing I hear from a lot of Americans and others is that "the culture in the Philippines is just like it is in my home." Well, it might look and seem that way while you are vacationing, but it simply ain't so! There is a lot to learn, and incidents like this are just the tip of the iceberg. 😆

  24. Great article, Bob. You did the right thing. When things like this happen, just think deportation. It would be hard, but "kill them with kindness." The world can't handle that because they expect you to act crazy. When you don't, they don't know what to do or say.

    For my fellow expats, I called "first" for the initial towing business there in another 10-20 years. (Joke only)!!!

    Larry's first comment was indeed funny, however, people are killed here for far less.

  25. Hi Bob not to many cars in our province mainley tricycles and when they block someone in they just push him out the way, but peoples
    rude behaivor is world wide.

  27. Hi Ed – Indeed, when you act in a way that people don't expect, they don't usually know what to do! It always is kind of fun to watch the reaction.

  30. Bob,
    I had 1 parking incident a while back. I was at the Post office. The building is on a corner and the curb is a large diameter curve. I parked but because of the curve, there was some space by the rear of my car. While inside, a small car came along and nosed the front of his car in the inside between my car and the curve. I came out and got a ticket for double parking.
    If at times, if I need to stop at a store and their parking is full, and I park along the curb, I tell the guard that my car is parked and to let me know if someone has to get out.

  31. My first thought when I read this was. "I wonder if their were about 20 young Filipino men around that could use 20 pesos" Would have been funny to see the drivers face if he came back and the car was upside down. No I'm sure I wouldn't have done that at least not without a proxy 😉

  33. Hi Bruce – Ha ha.. they gave you a parking ticket? Now, just curious, was it a citation? Because they give what they call "parking tickets" here which are just fees for parking! If you park down in Uyangeran sometimes they give you one of those things, and it is nothing but a parking tax, doesn't mean you did anything wrong.

  34. Hi John H – When I started reading your comment, I thought you were gonna say to get 20 young Filipinos to push his car out of the way. When I read about turning it upside down, I spit out my coffee! 😯

  37. Maayong buntag Manong Bob. I think the man has an Anti-social Personality Disorder. I would probably give him 15 minutes, and if he didn't turn up, I'll start a fire under his car. Bound to get someone looking for him if not the fire truck, or someone anyway. It might not get you out any quicker, but it will be an entertainment while you wait. Did anyone say anti-social? 🙂

  38. Hi Christine – Maayong buntag pud. Kumusta ka karong adlaw? Hmm.. fire? It might spread to my car, though! That would be a problem! It might feel good, though, until it spread to my car! 😯

  39. I know it might spread to your car, but I think the adrenaline of getting even is priceless! 🙂
    Besides, if your car get damaged then good excuse to claim insurance and get a new one. LOL! I'm just feeling wicked Manong Bob coz my PI holiday is getting close. Pag-amping land diha…..

  40. Hi Bob,

    A couple of weeks ago I saw a story on the TV news here in Toronto. Seems someone was trying to back into a parking space at a shopping mall when suddenly some guy in a small car drove straight into the same parking spot.

    When the guy who stole the parking spot came back after shopping he found his small car on its' side! Police are still trying to figure out how it happened.

  43. Hi everyone, I have to admit, I too am a LiP addict…are there meetings I can go to for this problem!! 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

  44. Hi Danny – You know, this is funny, because I have a list that I keep of potential articles I am considering writing for the site. One of my articles that I have listed is "LiP Addiction" – maybe I'll do it… we'll have to see!

  46. Kamusta ka Bob,

    I have to admit…after waiting the first 15 minutes, I would have been furious, and my first thought would have been to call the police. But obviously, that wasn't the answer either…so what can you do but bite your tongue.
    I remember working downtown in Washington, DC about 20 years ago now, and a guy came driving up in the back alley we were parked in with our work trucks, and just parked his car there,it was one of those MG's, a tiny little car, an hour later it was still there, and we had to pack our things up to go home for the day. Well, we had about 8 of us working on the crew that day, and we picked up that car and wedged it in between two dumpsters..would have loved to have been there when the guy got back to his car, but we were long gone before that happened.

    Take care Bob,
    Danny

  48. Hi Danny – If you called the police for that here, they wouldn't do anything about it. Well, they might do something – laugh at you. Other than that, nothing. They have more important things to worry about, like snack time! 😆 Just kidding on that last part. 😉

  49. Seriously Manong Bob, the man is inconsiderate! My guess is, either he knew a Kano own the car and has grudge on any Kano, or he is suicidal. My brother told me stories of people getting shot or stabbed just because of a parking spot!

    It would indeed be tempting to pay stray/beggar children to vandalize it. Guaranteed to flush the owner out once his car alarm starts screaming. 🙂

  51. Hi Bob, Another great article , but it is unfortunately a problem worldwide. There are many websites devoted to this topic (Google "bad parking ticket"). Some websites even give you suggestions on how to leave a comment (via an anonymous phony parking ticket on the windshield of the offending car) One good example is here http://www.prnewswire.co.uk/cgi/news/release?id=1…

    Of course this wouldn't have worked in this case for you but you may get a chance to use them at a later date. 🙂

    Over here in Europe, in the old towns, the streets were made for horses or horse and wagon. Very narrow and not much room for parking, so they park half on the sidewalk and half on the street. Diagonal parking puts almost half of the car on the sidewalk. The law says they must leave room for a person to pass! Sometimes it's barely enough room to pass sideways between the car and the building. Fun!

  52. Hi John – There is some good news… with those cars up on the sidewalk like that, nobody can park in front of them. Nobody can park behind them either, since the street is too narrow! 😆 Sounds like a solution to me!

  53. Hi Bob – React? Well, I find that an 8 ounce ballpein hammer speaks angrily much, much louder than the human voice – especially when focused on a headlight! 😆

    Of course, just kidding! 😉

  54. Hi Bob.
    Pity you were compltely blocked in. If you could have gotten out. Then my friend do what i do let the air out of all four tyres they are not so keen to do it again.

  55. This is not a uncommon thing in the Philippines with people parking anyway they like, Especially if they have a nice vehicle because they feel they are above you. When you see peoples attitudes like this you can especially see how corruption can become such a easy way of life for some.

    We had this happen at SM mall but my buddy being a Pinoy was not going to have it, And his round rear steel, concrete filled rear bumper gave no quarter to the Fortuner parked behind him. His wife was in the hospital at getting ready to give birth that day. We were shopping for some comfort items for her. He got the txt to get back and look at what we found a Fortuner parked illegally behind us. The V8 Jeep wrangle had little problems moving it out of his way lol.

    But seriously consideration for others seems to be a trait lacking by many people from all parts of the world some places worse than others. I don't know if it's a cultural thing our just a personality defect.

  56. Hi Bob,

    I can't believe it! For the first time it happened to me today. I was parked as you were at a grocery store and when I came out a guy was parked right behind my car. Luckily he was just exiting the car, and after I gave him a very dark look, he said "Be right back", and by the time we had loaded the groceries into the car, he was leaving.

    Lucky for him! Thanks to your column today I had lots of neat ideas to try out! 🙂

  57. Well, you said it already, it's not a cultural thing but a personality disorder. It does happen everywhere and not only in the Philippines.

  58. hi bob,

    hahaha… I use the car's side door to put out my smoke, if you know what i mean Lol! you gotta to love the car's new paint job.

  60. Hi Frank – Ha ha.. I thought of slashing the tires, but figured that would end up costing me money! Letting the air out would be a better solution! 😆

  61. Hi Bob,
    I was pissed for you to say the least and was sitting back trying to think of a clever way to deal with the as**ole when I read the last line of Ed Griffin's comment that peiople are killed for less.
    I think my mantra would have been …..Stay away from the car people have been killed for less.
    BUT
    If I knew the guy was gone for awhile I would have paid someone to open the car and place about 8 or 10 chickens inside and watch from the convenience of a cafe or ???
    It would have been worth every minute I spent waiting for him so I could watch the show!!!!

  62. Hi Bilal – Yes, I find that people with the money for a nice vehicle think nothing of doing something like this.

    I don't really think it's a cultural thing, because most Filipinos are so kind and considerate. Personality defect? Yes!

  67. Yea that is cool 🙂 hee hee BUT now you will wait longer while the tire is fixed maybe a couple of hours Filipino time …Phil

  68. I don't care what country you are in, the people who have money or think they have money act like pigs. I truly understand what the rich familys refer to as "new money". Because such people lack any kind of class and refinement, give trailor trash $1 million and they're still trailor trash. On the unfairness thing though, I have noticed that such a thing has unleashed it's ugly head lately in the Philippines. Where does the American bashing attitude come from? I had an incident before I left where someone came to the store and started shouting at me that I should go home why do I feel the need to live over there. I was rather suprised when several people from the block came over to my defense though. Ah well, everywhere you go there's arrogance and entitlement mentality. Just because he rove a BMW he was "Entitled" to a parking space so in his arrogance he made his own.

  69. Hi brspiritus – I have experienced that anti-American treatment only a few times in the Philippines. It's not a good feeling. Thankfully it does not happen often.

  71. Bob,
    No, it was a ticket. I even had a 50 peso note in the license folder, he took the license and returned the folder with the money still inside. Now my license has the staple holes.
    Once I was almost ticked on Uyangeran for parking in a Jeepney loading area, but the officer told Elena for us to meet him around the corner, pay 200 pesos and he will take care of it.

  72. Hi Bruce – Well… that's too bad. You've been having a bad couple of days lately, no doubt! My driver's license had the staple holes too, but this year was renewal time, so I'm already a "good guy" again! 😉

  73. No it doesn't which is why I'm not fussed about it, but just as one "Ugly American" can give the wrong impression to Filipinos, one "Ugly Filipino" can do the same thing to expats.

  75. Next time just jam a mango or banana up the guy's tailpipe. Make sure it completely blocks the tailpipe and can't be seen.Then you can be the helpful guy who helps push his car out of your way so you can leave.

  76. Hey Bob, Yea even here in San Antonio we have arrogant people like that. But I found that acts of kindness are better than retaliation. When the person came back out they would have found me washing their car. And I would use my special 40 grit washing cloth for the occasion. But then that's just me. I guess I am just kind hearted.

  77. The same thing happened to us just yesterday! We were parked in one of the tallest building in downtown Seattle (Columbia Center Bldg) and some jackarse parked directly behind us. Fortunately, the driver of the car that was parked in front of us came and we were able to leave.

    Believe me, I wanted to hit that car! Some people are just rude, inconsiderate and they think they can do anything they want.

    I think if we were driving our Expedition instead of our little commuter Nissan we would have done what Larry's father did and just backed out and push that car out of the way!!!

  78. True there is indeed an "odd" filipino who seems to have anti-american sentiments but the oddest thing is that mostly this people are either fil-ams or have been in the USA. I find it really strange.

  79. Hi bob,

    hahaha look no farther, you can find anti-american bashing in politics, there are many Anti-American politicians spend their office term by just keep bashing the americans, and when they get sick.. guess where they headed to??? lol!

  80. hi bob,

    hahaha, The most expensive ashtray in the whole world! and I am richer than bill gates, for sure bill does not have the same ashtray i got. 🙂

  84. Hi David J – You certainly are a very kind gentleman. Using that special 40 grit cloth is just perfect to get any really tough dirt off the surface too, how could the guy ask more? 😆

  89. If he had parked me in and I had somehow magically managed to bring my 1975 Mercedes-Benz UNIMOG 416 with me to the Philippines — he'd have returned to a compact car. No joke…I could have backed right over it (10,000 pounds empty, 44 inch tires, 16 inches of clearance under the axle punkins with reduction planetary gears in each hub, 22- 26 inches under the frame, ultra low gearing, and a 6 liter industrial diesel motor. Fortunately for me, I won't be able to to bring it with me 🙂

    Jon

  93. Same thing happened to me and my bro-inlaw took a razor blade from his car and sliced the valve stems. The butt head had two flat tires when he came out of the mall (KCC Gensan).

  95. Wipe the car down in transmission oil , that will work too hee hee ( takes all the paint off)..I did the potato in the exhaust, backfired and blow the whole exhaust system off the car . So funny ..Phil n Jess

  97. Bob,

    There are "buttheads" no matter where you go in the world! What to do? You did the right thing and wait. Sometimes anger and the results of it could have turned ugly. In my younger days, my friends and I would have picked up the car and put it on the grass or left it in the middle of the streets. hahahaha. Once we parked a VW beetle on someones porch. You had a cool head. Plus he was not worth your anger.

  98. I lived in Madrid for a few years and this was a regular occurrence – I could not get to work one morning and decided I had enough so reversed smartly into the passenger door of the gentlemans Mercedes two or three times – he finally came back, got into his car and drove off without noticing the damage! I felt much better but in the grand scheme of things it made no difference whatsoever.

  99. Hi John – Yes, very true, no doubt there. Yeah, like you, in my younger days I could be a bit of a rabble rouser. I've calmed down a bit though! 😆

  100. Hi Bryan G – Yes, no doubt that this happens worldwide, as I mentioned in the article. In my younger days I might have done something like that… but I would not damage his car nowadays… only think about it! 😆

  101. I would have gone to the local market and got some bananas.

    Then I would have stuck one in his tailpipe.

    I would have ordered another coffee and waited.

    When the "gentleman" returned and his car would not start, I would have sisdled up to him and ask "Problem?"

  102. I would have gone to the local market and got some bananas.

    Then I would have stuck one in his tailpipe.

    I would have ordered another coffee and waited.

    When the "gentleman" returned and his car would not start, I would have sidled up to him and ask "Problem?"

  103. Hi Bob, I think part of the reason why you feel it all the more is because for the most part pinoys are nice to you. & this goes for Rey too, the pinoys who have exhibited anti-american attitude must have experienced lousy time in the states. They thought they were nice to americans and their being nice was not reciprocated.

  104. I live in Korea and this happens all the time here. Here they do it because of the lack of parking (and laziness of course), but they always have a cell phone number in the window, and they usually leave their car in 'neutral'. So it is up to you to push their car far enough out of the way so you can get out. I'm wondering if it is the same there and perhaps his car was in neutral?