I believe that John Miele and I have entered in to some kind of mutual zone of conscientiousness. A couple of weeks ago, John wrote about body hair, and I followed him when I wrote about shaving in the Philippines. Lately, I’ve been wanting to write an article about being an expat and that causing you to be stuck in some kind of limbo between where you are from and where you currently live, then John wrote his article yesterday about Expat Life. I’m not trying to copy John, but we seem to have similar thought patterns in our heads lately! That could be a good thing, or a bad thing, I suppose. Let’s just say it’s good and move on!
I guess that lately I have been thinking about life as an Expat, and what it is all about. Much of what John said yesterday is certainly true for me. But, some of what I have been thinking about goes beyond that too. John made a point yesterday that as foreigners, we will always be different here in the Philippines. We are not, and never will be Filipino. Even if I ever choose to become a citizen of the Philippines, which I have considered, I will still be different than most people here. The United States is a melting pot where people are different, yet blend together to create the “American” person. The Philippines is no melting pot, my friends, and it doesn’t claim to be either. In fact, I think that very few places are melting pots, as the USA is. A few other places might be too. Australia comes to mind, although I personally don’t think it is a melting pot to the extent that the USA is.
Since coming to the Philippines a decade ago, I have “melted” to some extent, adapting some Filipino ideas and ways of life. So, if I decided next week to pack up and move back to the States, I would not fit in there anymore either. I am different than the average American. I think differently and I act differently now than I did before moving here. Nothing wrong with that either, it’s just a statement of fact. If I went back to live in the USA, I would no longer fit in the way I did when I lived there. Perhaps I would revert back to who I was then in many ways, but I don’t think that is a certainty, and I actually think that I would not melt back fully. So, I think that no matter where I live now, I am going to be different than the normal person in that place where I choose to live. That’s just the way it is.
We are all molded by our life experiences. One of the biggest experiences in life that will mold you is the place where you live, things like:
- Standard of living
- Norms of daily life
- Attitudes of the people where you live
- Language
- Food
- Culture
All of these things play a role in molding us into who we are. When we start moving to other places where each thing on that list is different, well, it changes us. Maybe we won’t ever fully mold in with our new living place, but we also won’t be able to mold back to the place where we came from.
Oh, you can move anywhere you want, even back to where you started at. But, as far as your personality, your likes and dislikes and such… once you’ve been an expat you can’t ever go back again.
I’ll leave you with this quote from American Author, Journalist, Poet and Screenwriter, James Agee. He said:
“How far we all come. How far we all come away from ourselves. So far, so much between, you can never go home again. You can go home, it’s good to go home, but you never really get all the way home again in your life. And what’s it all for? All I tried to be, all I ever wanted and went away for, what’s it all for?
Just one way, you do get back home. You have a boy or a girl of your own and now and then you remember, and you know how they feel, and it’s almost the same as if you were your own self again, as young as you could remember.
And God knows he was lucky, so many ways, and God knows he was thankful. Everything was good and better than he could have hoped for, better than he ever deserved; only, whatever it was and however good it was, it wasn’t what you once had been, and had lost, and could never have again, and once in a while, once in a long time, you remembered, and knew how far you were away, and it hit you hard enough, that little while it lasted, to break your heart.”
Hi Bob;
So true, so true. After 4 years in the Navy and three trips to Europe, I went home for a months leave, after a week my Father noticed me staying home more often than the first week. He asked why and I told him all my friends had changed, he smiled and say; “You’re the one that changed, son, they’re still stuck in Boston.”
LoL Paul your getting old, your quoting your dad a lot lately.
Boss;
You’re not wrong there, but I did it 40 years ago also. My head has worn out two complete bodies.
Dads are still the best, under appreciated I think.
🙂
Paul T, I remember having that feeling after coming back from Korea after two years, but it was not until 5 years in service that I figured it out.
Bill;
That proves Bob’s point!
😉
Hi Paul – I think your Dad had a good head on his shoulders! 😉
Hi Bob,
That’s very deep, Bob.
For those who already have a few San Miguel beer….reading this will make one cry.
“You can never go home again”….very true……very sad.
Hi Dr. Long – I’m not sure that I’d agree that it’s sad. It’s true, but it could also be considered a good thing.
Isnt that the point though – if I.. sorry I mean WHEN I move to the Philippines I dont ever want to go home again. The whole point of becoming an ex pat is to change your life surely? 🙂
Paul is quoting his dad lately!!! LOL 😀 to funny. I get the same when I go home to visit family. I’m the one that changed not them. They are stil doing the same thing in the same town. But Bob As long as mom or pop is stil alive you can always go home. Thats what I say but thats IMHO. being like Mr. Paul I choose to serve my country but living there has lost its luster for everybody wants to move to the USA but less americans are afraid to move to another country unless you have the money or balls to do it. Pardon My French. Yes I do agree you are a product of your enviroment and pick up the new ways of life. I have Flipino friend who is in the navy and he says that hes moving back home when his time is up he’s from Subic Bay Area and told me I should think about checking that area out also.
SSG Aydelott, Chris
Hi chris – Ha ha… my Mom is still alive, but she can come to the Philippines for vacation and visit me! 😉 My Dad passed away nearly 20 years ago already.
Gee Sir Bob, I agree with the Dr Long….that’s deeep, reel deep stuff!! Gonna try some deep stuff myself, here we go.
The article has a nostalgic feel about it -the we’ll meet again, don’t know where, don’t know when but I know we’ll meet again one sunny day kinda thing.
I’m going back to Australia very soon, just taking a break from the Pines a while, I’ll let you know how it feels to be back in da old country.
I’m a bit worried because, maybe the people I left behind in OZ are older now and we do not have much left in common? Things have changed a lot in the west, maybe I have been left behind. I cannot imagine paying my electric bills via the internet, I am happy to queue up for two hours to pay mine.
When I go back to the old country, could my friends ever appreciate the smell of fried dried fish? Or watch a good cock fight? Or marvel over the fisherman catching fish with dynamite. Or enjoy the aroma of a backyard burn first thing in the morning? Or even see a dozen or so rabid dogs lazing along the road? Could he appreciate the musty smell of the canals as you drive by in a Jeepney which have roofs low enough to knock your head each time you stand up?
Could he imagine the organised chaos that is traffic here? And vehicles driving with the lights off at night? How would I explain to my old mates that Italy and Greece have yet to be discovered and that we debated that the Earth is truly round? That if you wanted a teachers position you can buy one for 50,000 pesos?
How do I explain to my mates back in the old country the beauty and quantity of women here? Balut, I won’t even try to tell them that one.
Oh and of course Wowowee, nah they would never believe me either. Life is different here my friend, very different and so am I, oh what stories I could tell but when they ask me what was it like in the Pines?
I’ll say it was warm, very warm.
No, my friend* only Ex-pats can understand where they are now and where they were back then!
Ain’t life grand!
Warm… very warm. I believe, Boss, that you have come up with the only description that your Aussie friends could truly understand! All the other stuff cannot be understood unless it is personally experienced.
For those of you who never wanna go home back to the good, old USA, here’s one for you:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDk0IX-gtZQ
Ha ha, John… I like Bobby Bare…. but I am already home! Davao is my home! 😉
Hi, Bob:
That song, “Detroit City – I wanna go home” , touches my heart whenever I hear it, and I am not even a native-born American. It was the collective song of Bravo Company, 2nd Battalion, 7th Infantry, 3rd Infantry Division, based in Aschaffenburg, Germany, in the 60s when the song first came out. We sang it out of loneliness and homesickness for the good, old USA. Never mind that I wasn’t native-born American, heck, I sang it along with the rest of the troops silently in our bunk beds long after taps had sounded.
I don’t know about you guys, but for me, the USA is where it’s at. It is my adopted country. I love the Philippines, too; it is the country of my birth, but I would never, ever leave the USA and live in another country for whatever reason.
Regards.
Hi John – We all have our own preferences, and nothing wrong with that. For me, I will probably never set foot on US soil again in my life. I simply have no desire to go back there, or need to. Using your words.. “for whatever reason.”
Good 1 John. But my home is where i lay my head at night ;-D. And at the moment it changes every 2 to 3 three years, I will always be an american and visit anytime I want but the world is to small and time is to short to not live your life by what makes you happy as a person. Sorry about your Father Bob did not mean anything negative about my comment. But since your mom visits you then you are truely at home.
No problem, Chris. I didn’t think anything negative regarding my father… was just passing that along. My Mom has been here to the Philippines 3 or 4 times since we moved here.
Hope this comment is not too far off the thread of “can’t go back home again”, not so much as returning from RP to one’s former home in US, but in my instance of returning to my hometown after 38 years. Have been back every year or more so in the past years. This year my mother will be turning 100 years old on Aug. 18, but she now is terminal, she is ok for now, maybe a few weeks , maybe a few months. She is still alert for a few hours a day, usually in the late afternoon. The family house is occupied by my niece and is not available. Longtime friends will provide me with lodging. Their lifestyle is different from mine and we probably would not still be close friends if I were still living there. Yes, the situation is different now. It feels less like like home than ever before. Looking forward to seeing mom for the last time. That is all I think about.
I’m sorry to hear about your Mom, Jade. I hope she is comfortable.
Jade I wish you peace during what I personally know is a hard time. We went through that with my mom past year and 3 weeks after leaving there (“home”) where we shared our last Same birthday, she passed in her sleep…finally peace for her at 84. Always hard. Now as a soon retired Fed and former jarhead, my new asses and I look forward to a new home in PI, ..her home and my future home…Our home and our new baby. Cycle of life. I look forward to meeting you some day, as well as many others on the site. Safe travels and peace. We were all raised by the Greatest Generation.
And I realize that was 2010 for you.
u know why u dont need to come home mate itis that u have your little bit off the old us of a in your heart mate and no matter where u are from itis the same for us here in australia u always be australian as u cannot take a australian out off a australia mate no matter we u live
god bless from peter martin tassie…..
Ha ha…. so you are carrying a piece of Australia wherever you go, Peter? That’s great!
LOL Pete me mate I know wot yer mean, taking me missus with me to Oz an she’s a bit afraid of going to the west but I says to her…. don’t worry luv, I can take the girl out of the barangay but I’ll never take the barangay outta the girl. She loves hearing that now.
lol and there is the one for a bar girl to that gos like this u can take the girl out off the bar but u canot take the bar out off the girl……… all the best there bosss god blesss
too rite Pete, too rite. lol.
Wow, that picture was before the iconic Mindanao Bob haircut (lol).
I agree. When I returned to the US I definitely had a different viewpoint which few of my friends could relate. That was after only two years away.
America does not always achieve the “melting pot”, but it is an ideal towards which most nations do not strive.
That picture was BMB – Before MindanaoBob – ha ha…. yeah, my hair was a little different back in those days. That photo was taken near GenSan, Gary, in Tinoto at the beach on my son’s birthday. Problem is, I can’t remember which son was having a birthday that day! I think it was Jared’s 1st Birthday, and that is him in the photo. I don’t know for sure though… oh, getting older is a hard thing to deal with! 😉
I think a lot of countries – probably most – don’t even try or want to be a melting pot. I am not sure if that is good or bad, though. For most countries, immigration is not a major part of who the country is, so a melting pot is the furthest thing from their minds.
BMB
Agreed, but even without immigration, a number of nations have very deep ethnic / cultural divisions – a little melting might not be a bad thing 🙂
We had lunch this weekend in Tinoto. Nice view from the patio at South Point Divers.
Hi Gary – Tinoto is a nice area. Back in the days when I used to go out there, there was no South Point Divers, although Don Partridge had a place out there on the cliff, where I believe South Point is today.
I have mixed feelings on the melting pot thing. Ethnic/Cultural divisions are certainly not a good thing… but when the melting pot gets going, you lose that cultural and ethnic identity. It’s a win-lose situation in my mind.
Yup, that’s where South Point’s at.
I hope that Don is doing well. It’s been a long time since I saw him or heard from him.
A lot to think about here. Even though I am only in my fourth year living in the Philippines, I know it’s an absolute fact that you can’t go home again … at least not in the sense that it will ever feel the same.
I even went back to the US for a couple weeks in February 2010. Was it my home country? Oh, you bet, and there were a lot of things I liked. But the broad spectrum of Americans are so “tunnel-visioned” and unconscious of the rest of the world that I didn’t “feel” at home there.
I don’t know how to write this sentence without sounding arrogant … but I’ve often been called that (or worse) before, so I’ll just say it … once you have lived abroad, especially in multiple countries and societies as I have … totaled it up once and I’ve lived outside the US for more than 9 years now … you get downright frustrated by the ignorance level of many Americans.
It’s still “my” country, and it is still a land of almost unimaginable wealth and opportunity, and sometimes the “American way” is in fact the best way … but other ways can be better at times too … and the real definition of ignorance is refusing to acknowledge what you don’t know … or knowing that you don’t know and still refusing to learn.
Some may call me arrogant, but many of my fellow Americans are so ignorantly arrogant I can’t abide them … perhaps never will.
It sounds silly to say, because in many ways my freed9ms under the laws are much less here in the Philippines, but in many ways I have much more freedom to live as I want to here in the Philippines.
I’m not lumped into a social norm by my age group or the fact that I now posses a Medicare ID card, I am not welcomed (or shunned) by people who classify folks by political leanings … none of my neighbors give a care if I be “Liberal”, “Conservative” or any of those other argument-producing labels. It’s refreshing. An literally liberating, once you lose the US-centric mindset.
I can, of course, physically go home any time I chose … but I’m no longer the same person who once lived there.
Dave Starr,
WELL SAID!
I wish I could put my similar feelings into words as well as you did!
Thank you, Jade
Hi Dave – I think you summed it up pretty well. In fact, I will go one step further…. I don’t mean to offend any of my American brethren, but I will say that many American attitudes are arrogance based on ignorance. Many Americans have little or no idea of what is outside their own borders, yet they think they (we) are the best. How can you think you are the best, when you have no idea what else is out there?
Bob, as I am still living in the U.S. I have the opportunity to speak to “Americans” daily. Few, if any, exhibit the arrogance or ignorance you accuse us of having. Who are the typical Americans I’m referring to? They are second generation immigrants from India, former Vietnamese imported after the end of the war, decendants of Latin American “undocumented” immigrants and many more. So called “white” people are not the majority, they are a minority. Myself, I’ve had the opportunity to live in and/or visit more countries than I can count.
Working for a multinational company, I have the opportunity to interact with people from all over the world (several from the Philippines) working here on H1B visas. Most say conditions in the U.S. are much better than back in their home country.
Please don’t misunderstand. I believe the Philippines has many fine qualities in it’s favor and I sincerly appreciate your attempts to educate me in the finer points of culture. Making blanket statements that most or even many Americans feel this way based upon the small sample you’ve encountered is in and of itself somewhat ignorant and arrogant.
Hi David – Firstly, it seems like I touched a nerve in you, and if I said something wrong, I apologize to you for that.
Regarding your last paragraph – I never said anything about the Philippines, and it’s qualities. I am talking about being an expat. It really has nothing to do with the Philippines. I also never said that “most” Americans are ignorant, I said that many are. And, believe me, I have not talked to only a “small sample” of Americans. I lived in the USA for 36 years of my life after all! Please not, also, that many others agreed with my statement that many Americans are ignorant about other countries and cultures, so it was not only me who felt that.
I have, in the past, talked to Americans who don’t even know where the Philippines is. I have talked to Americans who think that Mexico is part of the USA, and Canada too. I have talked to other Americans who don’t understand that New Mexico is part of the United States of America. Is that ignorance? I believe that it is.
David, you say that white people are not in the majority, they are a minority. I just checked the US Census Bureau statistics, and they say that white people are the majority in the USA, and in fact, a sizable majority, being 79%.
You say that you have lived in a lot of countries, and I am very happy for you. However, statistics show that only about 20% of Americans even own a passport, and only a fraction of those who own a passport have ever traveled overseas. So, you, my friend are not typical, nor am I.
I don’t know, David, perhaps you don’t understand what “ignorance” is. It is not stupidity. Ignorance is being uninformed on a subject. I am ignorant on a number of subjects myself, as I am sure you are. Everybody is ignorant about something, but that doesn’t mean they are stupid. On this topic, I do not believe that I am ignorant, though, nor do I believe myself to be arrogant, which you have accused me of.
Hi bob,
if “Necessity is the mother of all invention” then “ignorance is the mother of all stupidity”.
as William Gaddis once said… “Stupidity is the deliberate cultivation of ignorance.”
just a thought.
Hi dans – Personally, I disagree. I do not think that stupidity and ignorance are related, or at least not closely related. I mean, I am very ignorant about the mating habits of the housefly, but frankly I don’t care. If I was stupid that would mean that I am unable to become informed on the subject, but the only reason I am ignorant on it is because I choose not to learn about it! 😉
hi bob,
Necessity and Invention are not related as well but they do fit nicely in a sentence and somehow it stands true.
for me, ignorance is not about being uninformed about certain things, ignorance is a lack of knowledge or lack of desire to improve the efficiency, effectiveness or usefulness of one’s action, ignorance can happen when those who can benefit from knowledge are unwilling or unable to find knowledge and assimilate to it.
If a person choose to cultivate his ignorance and when it grows, it will lead to stupidity, thus, William Gaddis quote somehow fit together.
imagine this, a person who never left his house and choose not to see what is beyond his backyard can become stupid and cannot use his own thinking to adapt to his surrounding?
Hi dans – Well.. I must say that I agree that if a person allows himself to be ignorant in too many areas, he will at least appear to be stupid, and may actually be stupid. All stupid people are ignorant, but not all ignorant people are stupid! 😉
hi bob – I think stupidity is the by product of too much ignorance.
Dave,
I am currently residing in J-ville Fl and I fully understand what you mean by ignorance here in America. I was talking to some of my co-workers and was telling them of my plans to move to the Philippines in 3yrs when I retire. Boy if you could see the puzzlement on their faces. They asked me why would I leave the Greatest Country on Earth for a third world country? That statement their is the reason they would not understand. I always ask them how many of you been to another country most say never, some say on a cruise for a couple of hours, and others stae they only been to Georgia a couple of time.
Most Americans have blinders on and can’t imangine life beyond their own pocketbook and front yard. And for them to go outside of their own world and live in the real world would be to much. Americans are now a days spoiled and think the world is second to them, owe how they have forgotten how many people gave their lives, blood and fortunes for the freedoms they now enjoy.
Hi Michels – your last paragraph hits the nail squarely on the head!
Michels, while I don’t disagree with anything you’ve written, in regards to Americans and their blinders, isn’t that likely the case for anyone, regardless of country of birth. I’d venture the vast majority of people anywhere in the world can’t see beyond their own country until they’ve traveled elsewhere.
Bob: Total coincidence, but we tend to think alike. I actually wrote the article after reading a blog post somewhere (I can’t remember exactly where now) that was ranting about how Filipinos ought to be grateful that expats want to live here.
My cousin has lived in Japan over 40 years. Anyone who thinks that Filipino culture is rigid or racist has never seen anything until they have lived in Japan. He is very much the “foreigner” when he returns periodically to the States (His accent has also changed after speaking Japanese for so many years.)
A German colleague of mine in China also has the same problem, though less so since he’s lived in about 10 countries. Germany is “home”, but not “home”.
A Dutch colleague lived 17 years in Dubai before returning to Holland for two years. He’s now returned to Dubai. He said he felt like a “stranger” in Holland now.
Some may disagree with our position, but you change and continue to evolve, like it or not.
Hi John – I can certainly understand your feelings and those of your colleagues that you mention. The feelings are much the same as mine. All we can do is accept it and move forward.
There is a term, “third culture kid” which defines the “phenomenon” of home not being like “home”.
I really believe in that, Katrina.
You can never go home again as one writer put it. The only reason I even go back to the U.S. is because my daughter and granddaughter still live there. While materially it is blessed (appealing after living in the Third World) I still have no desire to live there again. Do I miss some aspects? Of course! It is our homeland after all. But as many have put it here it just isn’t what it used to be….and the changes are not for the best.
Hi Miguk – I certainly understand that some of us have to go back from time to time. For me, I don’t believe I’ll ever go back.
oddly enough I miss the food I can’t get here the most…our comfort foods mainly
Hi Miguk – I have found that Feyma has been able to cook almost any kind of food with local ingredients, if she just gives it a try!
Some foods are just lost in translation….southern food mostly
Hi Miguk – I guess I am lucky… no translation needed. Feyma lived 10 years in the States and knows how to cook American foods, and how they should taste. I lived 10 years in Louisiana, so I know and enjoy good southern cooking! 😉
Hi Bob – Guess I’m just different. I’ve always felt a bit “foreign” regardless of where I’ve been. I certainly don’t want to be totally the same as others – I wouldn’t be able to tell which hat is mine!
😆
Hi Paul – If I implied that any of us are or ever have been “totally the same as others” I was mistaken in the way I wrote my article. I do not believe that even the great melting pot ever makes any two people totally the same.
You are absolutely right in my opinon, “You can never go home again” if you expect it to be as it was when you left.
I keep the thought of going home in the back of my mind constantly because of health issues and not having a spouse. It sometimes over whelms me being in a foreign country alone 70’s and bad health.
I ponder the thought of going home and realize one of three things can happen, 1. I can go home and it will be no better than here, 2. I can go home and it will be the same as it is here and 3. I can go home and it be better. The odd are 2 out of 3 I will not realize any benefit out of returning to the States.
As my life moved on when I came here so has the lifes of my friends in the States. I only have one friend in the States that I keep weekly or twice weekly contact with via email.
My new experiences in the Philippines have changed my out look on life. The extravagance and waste of Americans irritate me more now than it did when I left and it bothered me greatly when I left. I do not understand why Ophra needs 3 to 5 houses at at time costing millions and millions of dollars each when she can only live in one at a time.
There are things in the Philippines that I will never like, but there are lots of things in the U.S. that I never liked before and will not like in the future. As I have said before when you move you exchange one set of problems for another and either you adapt or drive yourself crazy.
Being back there recently just reinforces my sterotype of the spoiled, whining, ignorant, ugly American who basically think the world revolves around America….and Palin is just the poster child for the shocking number of fellow Americans who are ignorant…and aggresively proud of being so!
Hi Miguk – While I don’t attribute it to any certain politician or political party, I believe that ignorance is one of the things that is killing the USA. For the benefit of those who might not understand, I want to explain that ignorance is not the same as stupidity. Americans are not stupid, but many, perhaps most, are quite ignorant. They don’t know about the rest of the world, because few have experienced it.
They don’t know, and they don’t want to know. Even speaking a foreign language is looked on with derision if not suspicion. Strange that such nativism exists in a country built on immigration and that owes in continued and future prosperity to immigration.
That’s true, Miguk. So few Americans even make the effort to learn more than one language! 😆
Funny how people who are only one or two generations away from being immigrants are so quick to pull the ladder up so no one else can have the chances their families got.
You are so right on that, Miguk. Basically, all of us are immigrants in the USA, but people seem to have forgotten that.
Hi Tom – Of course, we all have our own preferences and ways of thinking, but personally, I believe that you are better off here. There are people who can care for you here when your health deteriorates. Back in the States, it’s likely that an older person will end up in a nursing home with poor quality of life. I personally believe that there is much more flexibility here on that sort of thing, and at a lower price too! Good luck to you.
Wow Bob. You literally brought a tear to my eye with this one. I left home 15 years ago. I went back for my Mom’s funeral, my Dad’s 80th, the occasional holiday etc. but over the years I have grown further and further away from my old friends both literally and figurativally. The next move is to Samar sometime in the not too distant future as it feels more like home now then home ever did. Home is truly where the heart is. No matter how hard you try to fit in you never feel quite ‘right’ going back to where you started. Now cut out making a grown man cry!
Hi Mark – Wow, I hate to bring a tear to anybody’s eye! 😆 I hope you are over that!
Best of luck on your pending move to Samar!
Hi Bob
I only moved into another county. You are right returning to your old home (in my case my old village) it is not the same. You are a different being to the one that left.
Similar to the quote Peterjoy gave. Here we say ‘you can take the man out of Yorkshire, but you can never take Yorkshire out of the man’. Just replace Yorkshire with your own home place.
Marjorie
One thing I can attest to personally, Marjorie… once eaten, you can never take the Yorkshire Pudding out of the man! 😉
It is just the opposite for my wife. We left here years over 30 years ago so she has had a hard time readjusting to the Philippines…..and she still has no desire to stay here and ignores my not-so-subtle hints to the contrary hahahaha
I’m glad you enjoy Yorkshire Pud.
There is a little story about the pudding. I’ll send it to you when I find where I put it lol
Marjorie
Hi Marjorie – I’ll be looking forward to that!
Morning Bob from J-ville Fl,
Read the post by John M and it made me homesick. Now reading your post haqs not only made me homesick but extremly motivated to get back to the Philippines.
As you know I’ve lived overseas for ten years in the navy before being forced to return home.
Boy did I go through some culture shock and it is still changing but not in the way I could feel being comfortable living here till death. I guess when you incorporated another culture into your life marry a woman from that culture. You assimulate into that culture weather you realize it or not. I’ve raised my kids here hoping that they can get the American Dream. But for my wife and I our hearts were left in the P.I. and the morales and values that we grew up with are still there. Can’t say that for America they point fingers and play the blame game from Goverment all the way down to the family. People here in the US just don’t Man Up Anymore and take responsibility for their actions.
It’s funny the only real friends I have are married to Filipinas I guess thats because they understand about TFC, Dried Fish, Wowwowwee and lip pointing. 🙂
Hi Michels – I suppose that the smell of dried fish cooking over the fire has lead to many a brotherhood! 😯
Hi Bob
Isn’t the saying “Home is where the heart is”. From everything I have read that you wrote, you are home. You are a Philipino. You are just an American-Philipino, just like Philipinos in the USA are Philipino-Americans.
With the heat in the P.I., you would think it was a melting pot. Maybe an oozing pot.
Hi Allan – I don’t consider myself Filipino. As far as my attitude and my cultural self… I am somewhere between American and Filipino. I don’t fit into Philippine society totally, and am sure I would not fit totally into American society either.
No offense meant for posting this, but after reading about the things you guys don’t like with the present generation of Americans nowadays it reminded me about this video i saw in youtube which i thought was made up, well guys, you be the judge.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6W3T7MTh4M
Yup..that pretty well sums it up for a big percentage of the people we have here now…very funny but very true..I am not sure what they teach in school now days..but I no this..back in the 60’s when I went to high school..they did teach history and other subjects that over all was good for a person to learn…I have no idea what they teach now days..other, than most of the teachers get paid way more now than they did when I was in school and I belive they do less now than then…I do not think even 50% of those that get out of high school now could off the top of their head name all 5o states….So…if this funny stuff on U-tube is a example of what we have for smart people here…….in 30 more years the USA will be a 4th world country…I by passed 3rd world because I think a lot of those countires that some one classified as 3rd world… have more smarts than a lot of what is growing up here have………here if you have a i-pod plug stuck in your ear or your cell phone to your ear most of your waking hours and your fingers texting all the time you pretty much think you are special..I smile when I read about all these poor people that lost their 6 fig income jobs or this or that and how they are crying the blues now days and just makes you wonder…If they were smart enough to get a 6 fig income job..they were stupid that they thought the good times would last forever and did not prepare for days that might not be so good…of course if they did not do good in history or understand history then of course they would not be able to undertand how to prepare for the good and the bad that comes with life……and now our wonderfull goverment here keeps extending unployment benifits to these poor helpless folks out there…not to many years ago ..who ever heard of 99 month unemployment benifits! Our Goverment now is pretty much like a lot of people in the USA are now…..”spend way more than they make” and people in a lot of the poorer countries can only spend what they have in their pocket..so maybe in a way that is a good thing…but probably take a lot more hard falls here, before people get that idea that there really is not a free lunch and it really is each persons responsiblity to learn how to think and plan and not be depending on some one else to take care of you or depend on your goverment..so maybe the people over all in the Phillipines are more happy ..even thou they have far less that most have here in USA…maybe that along with a few other good reasons is why a lot of people that choose to go live there….never want to come back or when they do go back…it not the same…
Hi Dan – Thanks for sharing your feelings, and thoughts. Yes, schools are a little different now compared to when you and I were kids, no doubt.
Miles,
That video is so true and damn near remind me of some people I knew. HaHa I liked how everybody got the continent/country of Austrailia as a threat by saying it was N.korea or the France one was to funny. But the said truth is its funny but also pathetic because ignorance is not bliss its just being (stupid x stupid = No Common Sense about the Real World) if this was not a skit then I should run for President as an Afro American Republican promising the People that if they invest in ID-10-T’s that the econmy will rebound and the National debt will be wiped out providing more jobs and better heath care. I am willing to bet a nice wager that I might win a couple of states with that as my campaign pitch. HA!HA!HA
For the non military folks an ID-10-T’s =IDIOTS
But I love my country dearly that is no doubt but I can not understand the complete ignorance of a good portion of my fellow American’s
Very Respectfully,
SSG Aydelott, Chris
US Army
Thanks for sharing, Miles.
Great video. Let’s see, where’s France? Oh there it is, just a little south of Indonesia. The last guy was classic, “…he’s from Texas, he’s gotta be right.”
Interesting post and interchange of ideas! I always feel that “Home is not a Place but in the Heart”. Half of the year, my Home is in the Philippines(Marinduque) and the other half is the US( Northern California). Good Day to all you my friends and readers of LiP!
Nice thoughts, David.
You hit a home run with this article Sir Bob, still drying the tears…..
Glad that you liked it, Boss.
Hi Bob- Having lived and worked in Africa for ten consecutive years I have to disagree with you as I went back and settled in to life again in the UK. It was difficult as people whom I associated with could not comprehend my former life in Africa not having experianced it for themselves. But in time and especially with young children you do after the itchy feet have cooled just get on with it. Twenty years later we found ourselves on the move again to the Philippines and if circumstances changed and we had to go back to the UK again so be it as home is where the heart is for you can make a life and fit in wherever you may be.
Hi Jim – No problem for me… we’ll just have to agree to disagree on this one, my friend!
Hi Bob- I know how you feel about the Philippines but it must be difficult to really feel at home here in the true sense when you as a foreigner are not allowed to own land or a house that you have bought and paid for. Even worse in my opinion if you rent property you definately have no roots as you are never stable in that regard.
I’m not suggesting that one cannot enjoy the lifestyle, culture, weather or its people but at the end of the day you are still a foreigner on the books of the BI and as such subject to the laws that permit you to stay. The only way you could change this is to apply for naturalization and then there is definately no going back.
Regards.
Jim.
Hi Jim – I am very happy with my life here in the Philippines. We are certainly able to own land through Feyma, and Feyma and I have been married for 20 years, so I am not worried at all about the land being in her name. Personally, I have no problem with renting at this time either. You and I are both subject to the same Philippine laws in terms of immigration. Are you unhappy with your life here?
Hi Bob- I am certainly not unhappy living in Talakag as if I were I’d be back in the UK where we have a second home. The point I was making was we as foreigners cannot own land or property in our own name. It does not worry me as like you after 27 years Marilou still has not thrown me out yet!!! The crux of the matter is no matter how you feel about the Philippines and its entity you are still but a foreigner in a foreign land until one day you may be permitted like our wives and children to hold duel citizenship. Because of the laws here they are loaded very much in favour of the national not the Expat resident and until such time as that changes I could never give 100% of my heart to a country no matter how much I love living here that does not give 100% back in return.how many times Bob have you seen written on Blogs and Groups that we are only visitors to this country?
Regards.
Jim.
Hi Jim – I do not believe I have ever written that we are only visitors here in this country. I have written, and suspect this is what you are thinking of, that we are guests here. The fact is that we are not visitors (at least I know that I am not) because my visa says that I am a resident here, not a visitor. It is true, though, that we are here based on the willingness of the Philippines to allow us to stay here. I am eligible to become a citizen here if I want to, as I meet all of the requirements. You will too in time. So, we have a choice which would allow us to own property, and also to stay here regardless of what anybody else wants. It’s up to you whether that would be right for you, and I will also decide if it is for me.
I follow what both you guys are saying but I sympathise with Jim on the security factor.
I found out recently that I had built a house on a property that is not owned by the family that lives in it including me, the land was only promised to them. Yes, I know now that the landlord and my family are related, that is how the house was able to be built but those, err, minor details weren’t conveyed to me at the time. So I am a defacto houselord but not the landlord and that does not sit well with me.
This means if the landlord wanted the land back, or if my partner gives me the boot, I’m up sheetcreek without a paddle.
For me ownership of the land gives me security and so the called “roots” factor.
People fight and have fought for the land they own, not the land they rent.
Hi Boss – I understand you.. but for me, it is just not something that I worry about or care about much.
hi Jim,
I know how you felt about not owning properties in the philippines under your name and I know how much of insecurities involved with it. I wish the philippines has a law allowing any foreigner to own land – only if the philippines has a small population and a big land area, however that is not the case.
Philippines is slightly larger the size of arizona or perhaps not even close to it, with its ever growing population (90+millions) and with the actual livable land, philippines is not as big as you might think.
another factor to consider is the amount of money a common filipino can save to buy a house compared to a common american, it simply cannot match it. it is lot easier for a common American who makes 40k a year or any foreigner for that matter to buy a house than a common filipino who can barely make 5 dollars a day to buy or build a small house.
If the philippine government would allow foreigners to own properties, the end result would be a sky high price for any property for a common filipino but not for a foreigner, it is actually happening now, there’s a condo building in my city and majority of the owner of the condo units are foreigners, when the condo building was first opened, they are promoting it for a common filipino can own one for a cheaper cost, however, many filipinas married to a foreigner buy the units and some of them buying a multiple units, until the owner of the building pumped the price up as many foreigner are still willing to buy it, because it is still cheaper for them even after the increase of the price. – this has been happening for many years now and yet there is no law allowing foreigner to own land, how much more if there’s a law allowing foreigner to own land?
take davao for example, house rent are higher in davao compared to manila? why? because more and more foreigners are now living in davao.
I can understand your hope of owning a properties, but you must also understand there’s a high percentage of filipino population (70% or probably more) who don’t own one because they cannot afford it.
Hi Dans- I understand where you are coming from but whats the diffrence between a foreigner owning land or property and the foreigners wife owning it? The Philippines must be one of the few countries in the world rich or poor that does not allow direct foreign ownership. As I said before our property and land here is in the name of my wife and eventually our son and daughter will aquire the title on our demise and will most likely sell both house and land as they have no real intension of ever living here as to them its only ever been a place to come on holiday.
The reason why I replied originally to Bob’s post was to stress the point that if the Philippines wishes to cash in on the retiree type market foreigners must be able to own property and land titles otherwise they will just not come here to live on a permanent basis. Not all marriages are sucessful and many foreigners will not buy property incase their marriage goes sour and as the old saying goes once bitten twice shy.
I hope I have explained my point of view a little clearer.
Regards.
Jim.
Yes, fair enuff Sir Bob.
Boss,
My comment to Bob in his article ‘The timing just seems right” conveys my similar situation with our house building experience. Hope this is ok to say, Bob.
Jade
Bob, I guess you’re right, once you’ve been an expat, you can never go back. As you know, my wonderful Filipina wife and I were going back to the States after being here for a year, but we had I change of heart and decided to stay in the Philippines. I thought why should we go back to the rat race, have all the stress, and start all over again? So here we remain in a rural province of the Philippines, Guimaras, living a comfortable life and enjoying more personal freedom than I felt I ever had back in the States.
Hi Dave – Ha ha… I hope you continue to enjoy your stay here!
True. It’s been a struggle returning “home.” Because, like the saying goes, once you leave home you can never go back.
I feel less like myself when I am in my hometown, and invigorated when being away. Like a favorite old suit that ill fits me now. Of course, I need not mention that life is also cheaper & easier here. That’s the temptation for staying a little bit longer. But that is another topic.
I used to be a staunch Davao kid. the only one in my family’s generation to refuse to study college in Manila. I was adamant that my hometown was for me. 13 years, 2 countries & 4 cities later, I feel differently.
Things naturally change as time passes. I’d like to think I’ve become a better person having experienced things outside these borders, but my friends & family can say the same thing as they remained in Davao all these years. And sometimes, it’s much more tiresome trying to adjust & reclaim past links than forging new ones. “You can’t make new old friends.”
Hi Macky – Interesting that being in Davao makes you feel “less” like yourself… I would have thought it the opposite! But, of course, as has been said many times.. you never really can go home again. So, I suppose that is understandable too.
To prove Bob’s point, again;
After being paid off my 4th or 5th merchant ship, I went to Largo Florida to sell my house. While sitting at a beach bar with some old friends, I was telling them about living and working in Asia. Two “Young Turk’s” from Ohio, commented to each other that I was full of s__t. whereas an older retired Gunny from the Marines, on the other side of the bar, smiled at the youngsters and said; “Gentlemen, I’ve been everywhere that man has been talking about, and everything he said is true. Since Florida is probably only place you’ve been outside of Ohio, you both should get a passport, and go see what he’s talking about.”
Ha ha ha… That’s a classic, Paul! I love it! 😉
Hi Paul,
You struck a nerve. I have lived and worked near Largo, FL for the past 35 years and the Ohio reference really spun me around. First let me state that I mean no prejudice to people from Ohio or from Largo, Florida. This is initially a tongue in cheek response. But there are some curious observations that may be more than stereotypes. Largo, by definition means slow and dignified, yep that pretty well describes it; not much else. Exwife was from Ohio; [think Jimmy Buffett’s song “Suzi Cincinnati”]… Most, and I mean most people live where they live, near where they were born, because they like it there, it is familiar and therefore safe. Take someone out of that familiar environment, especially against their will and they become uncomfortable; new experiences, new social mores. Hard to re-learn. There are a few of us who do not fit that stereotype. I classify myself, Jawz and most of the rest of us similarly. There is so much out there beyond local horizons. We are sort of an elite group, not satisfied with what is familiar, yet determined to find a lifestyle that is challenging and thus exciting.
Another thought on that:
California is sometimes classified as a state of fruits and nuts. They as a whole are seen as being more liberal and less stodgy than the rest of the country. The early settlers there were not the people who stayed safely on the east coast. They were pioneers, withstanding difficulties to realize their dream of a better life. Their thinking as I see it was beyond the people who did not make this arduous trek. The perceived ‘California Mentality’ reflects this.
Jade
Hi Jade, Bob & Paul – Being an Ohio boy who, though never was near Largo but used to fish and crab off Card Sound Road, Key Largo, FL, and lived a few years in the “Land of Fruits & Nuts” before making the Grand Exodus, I can vouch that back home in the Philippines is where I’d rather be!
😆
PaulK,
I didn’t mean to single out Ohio. There are plenty of home boys in Wisconsin, it is a beautiful place as is Ohio. But the home grown mentality is common. Everywhere in the world, Philippines too. Wish we all could get over this.
Jade
Gentlemen;
The next time I relate that story, I promise I’ll not name any state, I’ll just say an unknown location in the upper regions of the U.S.A. I never intended to insult the state that’s,” round on both ends and HI in the middle.”
To all,
At this point in the comments I feel that I might relate my personal story relating to expatriation and immigration.
This is a rather long story.
My father was born Jan. 4, 1905 in Helsingborg, Sweden. His father was a teamster driving a wagon pulled by a team of horses. His mother died in childbirth when he was 12. His father apparently wasn’t able to shoulder the responsibility of raising his children alone and sent my father and his older brother Carl to the family farm near Bastad, Sweden where he lived until he was 18. He was a city boy and didn’t take well to the farm life. He never could stomach eating cottage-cheese, it reminded him too much of pig feed, soured milk. At 18 he took a loan for about $200.00 from his aunt and immigrated to the US. He stayed with an uncle, a railroad detective, in Minneapolis and worked in a ski factory there. He diligently put himself to his purpose of assimilating himself to his new culture. He learned the language quickly, taking the lessons that were offered at the time. His scandinavian brogue stayed with him for his life as this area was primarily scandinavian. He even changed his name from John Edward Larsson to John Lars Edward, hopefully to assimilate, possibly to distance himself from his unsupporting father. He moved to Superior, Wisconsin to live with another relative and eventually met my mother.
My mothers family, her grandparents, immigrated to the US in 1880 after the family run weaving business failed due to the default of an uninsured order to some company in NYC. My mother was born on August 18, 1910 in Duluth, Minnesota. Her mother died when she was 12 and her father died when she was 17. She was left with the responsibility of her younger brother. They stayed with family friends. She went to business college and became a secretary and worked though the ’30s depression and never had a period of unemployment, she was focused and dedicated. Her brother Ernest joined Navy the and served aboard the Arizona in the late ’30’s in Hawaii. He retired in San Diego in the mid ’50’s attaining the rank of CPO. My mother is 99 now and is terminal. I will be visiting her next week.
My parents marriage was not without problems, they were like oil and vinegar, given their diverse backgrounds, but their similar upbringing held them together. They wanted for their children what they did not have in their own lives.
My parents and their ancestors searched for a better life and they found it. We are always searching.
Hi Jade, thanks for sharing your story.
I am from Ohio and don’t mind it being a stereotype because it is so true for the most part. At least those two had at least made it to Florida….most barely make it to the next state – and either Kentucky or West Virginia isn’t exactly like going to a garden spot!
W H EY ……….. Whod aney one buy Land,without the proper paper work? There are meney meney Squaters,on Private and Public Land . Verify what you are tolled and good luck. Go to the local gov. offices.and Barangay’s for assistence. Fouriners .tend to thro their dollars to hope it happens. GET HELP if you need it. I think Feyma could help or steer the land Barons in the right direction. Good luck . …………..Feyma Grate idea on the Real Easte Gig……………
I first left my homeland – Scotland – 60 years ago and have been travelling ever since . You can never really go back because your lifestyle becomes so different you no longer have much in common with your fellow countrymen. At present I am in Scotland on what my company calls unpaid leave -the 3 month period is the longest I have spent at “home” for some years and I have had time to do things that I have wanted for some time.A long term expat who lives and works in many places becomes a different breed – home is where family is , not some geographic location,many aquaintances but few friends. It is very much a trade off – every thing you gain is paid for in some way.I have had a very good life and have had a more interesting time than most and count myself fortunate to have had so much pure fun.
Hi Bryan G- From a fellow Scotsman very well put, but where ever you are when you hear the bagpipes play the hairs on the back of your neck stand up and the lump comes to your throat. Now thats what I call culture and heritage.
Och I the noo.
Regards.
Jim in the Bukid.
Hi Bryan – Wow! 60 years on the road, that is a long, long time! I can certainly understand that you are a different person now, without a doubt!
Hi Bob – I left Scotland in 1949 and had my 6th Birthday in Port Said, Egypt.My father was an aircraft engineer whose job took him to many countries and my mother and myself went along – I think I was at 10 primary schools. I had my High School and college education in Scotland and went on my travels like my father – I managed to work with him for 2 years in Iran before the revolution made things impossible. I too am an aircraft engineer with both US FAA and European EASA licences and have had a really satisfying life. I met my wife Susan in Saudi Arabia of all places due to my many Filipino colleagues.I was single again after a disastrous first marriage – my Scottish first wife was an alcoholic who finally drank herself to death.Since my marriage to my Filipina my life changed immensely – the best thing that ever happened to me – she has 2 University degrees from the Philippines and Scotland- our kids are at University in Dundee Scotland and we commute between Manila and Fife Scotland – we have a house in Paranaque. I would retire there but my wifes career keeps her in Scotland.
Hi Bryan – I know the life, my friend. When I was a kid I attended 7 different schools myself, as my father moved around a lot with his work.
Hi Bob and family,
hope you are all well there the sound of a San Miguel beer sounds great my brother is in Cebu with his family and he keeps telling me he has found paradise there, it sounds like he might not want to come home to Oz land I just booked my ticket and I can’t wait to get there as well. Australia as you stated somewhat similar to the USA a mulitcultural society we live in here and at the moment there are a few melting pots going on here. The fisherman there they must have been taught to fish by one of the great Aussie Actors Paul Hogan from memory he used the technique of Dynamite Fishing in his movie Crocodile Dundee in the US LOL.
Every time I speak with my brother on Skype he is sampling a San Miguel I think he is rubbing it in a bit, anway it will be his shout soon Bob and Boss great articles
take care
Philip
Hi Philip – I’m glad that your brother is enjoying himself here in the Philippines.
Dynamite fishing is not as widely practiced as it used to be, but you can still find it here.
Take care.
Hello all
When I was a kid, I went to 9 schools in 12 years. After a couple years of worthless college, I joined the USAF. I went to Texas, Korea, Colorado, Korea, and Florida, all in just under 6 years. Then after I got out I went into military contract working. Florida, Greenland, and 18 years in Kuwait….. I Think I know how to adjust to a new place…………….. but…………….. moving full time to the Philippines next month……………….scares me. ahhh heck
Jeff B
I had a childhood much like you describe. Adjusting here was still a difficult thing to do. Good luck to you.
Hi! To everybody. I got in this web side for teh first time since I am again considering to move to Philippines. I read Bob’s article about being an expat and I felt myself reflected to his words. From the very first moment I finished the University I was living far away from Home ; first within my own country (Spain) and later on overseas. My job is actually making me to travel all over Asia and YES I also lived in the Philippines during 4 years. I was an expat I have been eversince. I came back to my country but even although I have a good job and great friends I still feel this is not the same place anymore and I miss moving to other places and I miss even more the Philippines. It is a complicated and difficult everyday feeling to explain to anybody that never lived anywehre else than their own country but you feel like something is missing every time and you realised that you are differnet or think differnetly. I am aware about the inconveniences or disadvantages of Philippines but I can tell that teh advantages are much more and are overwhelming the disadvantges!!! You see!! now after 5 years since I left teh Phillippines I have agagin a new job offer to come back to Asia and my only plan now is to convince my wife and two kids to accept the offer!! Obviously I accepted it long time ago!!
Who knows? I wonder. will I fit back in Philippines?.
Regards.