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Philippine Culture / by

Gossip.

Tsismis (the Tagalog and Bisaya word for Gossip).

It’s rampant in the Philippines!

Filipinos love to make tsismis.  There are even lots of TV shows devoted to tsismis.  Gossip shows.  Mostly, that’s showbiz stuff, which I really don’t care about and don’t watch, but from time to time I find myself stuck in a situation where such a show is on.  Yes, tsismis or gossip is a big deal in the Philippines.

But, wait.  It’s not only a Filipino thing!  Gossip is big among expats too!  Often times, I hear gossip about foreigners from other foreigners.  I’ll see somebody in the mall or at a restaurant, and inevitably, it’s…

Hey, Bob, did you hear about John (insert whatever name you want here)?  He’s shacked up with four new girls in an apartment over in such and such neighborhood!

Or….

Hey Bob!  I heard that Steve has gone broke and is getting into such and such illegal business!  He’ll end up in jail.

Whatever the case may be, you can imagine that as the rumor spreads, it gets wilder and wilder.

Did you ever hear about the game where you whisper a secret into one kid’s ear, and then he whispers to the next person, and then by the time it goes through 15 or 20 kids and comes back to you, the story is totally different from what you told the first kid?  It’s almost that bad when it comes to expats spreading rumors about each other.

Frankly, I’ve come to the point where I don’t even listen to the stuff, in fact, I try to avoid those who are constantly spreading tsismis.  When I see them coming, I turn and go the other way!  Well, I try to avoid them almost that much.  Of course, sometimes you get caught in a place where you have to listen, but I try not to.

Of course, you can always figure that the wilder the rumor, the more likely that it is not anywhere near being true.

My question is, why do expats fall into this whole rumor-mill thing?  I mean, if we are all expats, and we need a bit of a support system here, wouldn’t it be better to stick together and not spread wild rumors about each other?  I feel that it would.

Perhaps expats see the local tsismis tv shows and they fall into the trap themselves, and since they mostly know other expats, they make up rumors about them?  I find it sad, though, when such things happen.  Sometimes, the rumors are so wild that if the rumor were heard by a local law enforcement official, there could be repercussions for the individual that was being “smeared” by a rumor.  Don’t get me wrong, if somebody is breaking the law or causing trouble in some way, I don’t have a problem with them being punished, but if it is a case that rumors have been made up, or have morphed with each passing of the rumor, then that’s just wrong, and could cause serious problems for somebody who does not deserve it.

In many ways, I find that expats here in the Philippines don’t offer much support to each other.  In fact, not only do they not support each other, but I know of a lot of instances where they actively tried to cause trouble for another expat who did not deserve it.

It’s a sad situation, and I personally have gotten to the point where I just don’t socialize with very many expats anymore because of it.  Oh, I have a few close expat friends that I have known for years and that I trust implicitly.  But, you have to be careful when choosing such friends.

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Comments

  2. Very very true Bob, all of it!!!
    As to your comment “you have to be careful when choosing such friends.” That goes true even back in the states. Choosing TRUE friends in this day and age is not a easy thing. The bad thing is I trust everyone till they give me a reason not to and only hope that I don’t get burned too bad.

    If anyone comes to me and starts to talk about tsismis I will tell them I don’t want to hear it and if you can’t talk nice about someone then don’t talk about them to me. If they don’t want to talk to me anymore after that, it is fine with me. The old saying, the truth hurts and if you don’t like it change it.

    • Hi Bill – I am like that too… If I indicate to them that I really don’t want to engage in gossip they either stop, or continue… if they continue, I really have no use for it. 😆

  4. I hang out a local McDonalds mostly with the same group of men. We talk politics back home, the state of things here and from time to time we talk about other expats. Usually not in a derogatory way but factual stuff. Also, about illness, new girlfriends, breakups with GF’s or Wives, computer issues, monetary issues. These are things guys talk about all over the world and not just in the Philippines. As for being supportive to one another I think that exists within the confines of budetary and other considerations but all in all as friends we do things with and for each other. Buying stuff on trips to the bigger cities, offering rides…. again the usual stuff. There is another larger group that hangs together also at McDonalds and they talk along similar lines but honestly in all the groups (abot 6 total) I have spent time here with none talk about anything abnormal than as I said groups do all over the wrold. I don’t find that there is anymore gossip here than anywhere else I have been. Now yes I have run into a couple of expats that have ill feelings about other expats but I find that comes about from having a monetary relationship that has gone south or one has an alcohol problem. More along those lines but in the overall scheme of things most is quite normal at least what I have observed. Maybe I got lucky with the people I hang out with.

    • That’s great, Dwayne! Since your talk with the local guys is so wholesome and great… it must mean that you reserve your negative tirades for here on LiP? 😆

      • You got me there lol. Don’t mean to be. Maybe I just have a lousy delivery (so I’ve been told)

        • Well, to be honest, Dwayne, a lot of the stuff you post here makes it clear to me that I would not want to be your friend if you lived in my area. I just don’t associate with such negative people. Not trying to be mean, just honest. So, when you say here how great your group of friends is and such… well, those words have little meaning to me.

          • That’s okay Bob judge me as you see fit. Bottom line is I have a great group of friends here and in the States and they know what’s what. Friends just happen and I don’t go looking for them as it is a spontaneous thing usually. I am happy and seems like you are as well and having this site gives you the importance and power you seem to like so good on you. Everyone is happy.

          • Bob

            Well Bob, birds of a feather flock together. I think people just enjoy gossip, but unfortunately sometimes people get hurt from it. Enjoy your day my friend

  5. Hey Bob, g’morning. Any gossip about you that you had to deal with? Filipinos love to gossip around esp those who have no work or have nothing better to do, I suppose. I guess the expat community around each other is the same? It’s somehow the same for those Filipinos abroad too. Instead of getting a support, it’s their own kind that will spread rumors.

    • Hi sugar – I have had problems with this kind of thing from time to time. But, as far as I know, nothing lately. I suppose because I try to avoid this kind of thing as much as possible, it may bypass me, not sure.

      • Well Bob, I did hear all those things about you, and what you did, and what you said, but honestly Bob, I dont believe any of them, well , at least ways not most of them, especially the ones about , well you know what I’m talking about – just wanted you to know that Bob !! lol

          • Bob;
            Oh, you are so right about the expat gossipers, they are here, like a bunch of old ladies at a Quilting Bee. I’ve sat at the American Legion and heard stories that were so blown out of proportion I broke out laughing. Then I’ll turn to the spinner of the yarn and ask where were they when they “SAW” that incident they are talking about? I’ve never gotten an answer to that question.
            After hearing all the gossip for the day, and as I leave, I’ll turn and say; “When I go, feel free to talk about me, and give those other guys a break!”
            One can only wish, they’ve done all the things people say they did!

  6. Hi Bob. The trouble with gossip it spreads a lot faster than the truth. Some folk seem to take pleasure in it, pity they have nothing better to think about.
    The game you mentioned, we call it Chinese Whispers.
    Marjorie

    • Hi marjorie – I had not heard the name “Chinese Whispers” before, thanks for filling me in on that. I really believe what you say is very true.

  8. So does that explain how the Philippines can be near the bottom world wide in computer access per person or household but 5th in use of Facebook ? 🙂

  10. I Think the thing about gossip is that each person can and will add just a little more to the context of the 1st gossip…so if its a hot gossip it can go from a little whisper to a book by the time it goes thru 50-100 people..and people in USA been doing gossip for ever..any one from USA..remember when you were on a party line phone line ( years ago a lot of town all you could get..not private lines ) and to boot the phone co. had live operators that said when you picked up phone..NUMBER PLEASE…..hahah no I be will to bet that there was some hot gossip in the phone co office between the live operators. Then of course on the party line…..all were like that when I was a kid back in the 50’s..if you was on a 9 party line you can bet that some one over heard your converstation and if it was interesting then a new gossip started untill the next piece of juicy gossip came along…..and so gossip was live and well over 50 years ago and still live and well today….hahaha

  11. Hi bob well gosip is not confined to any part of the world ,were i work i waas told that the blokes i was going to be working with were reknown for it and that was the production manager ,i always hear bits and peices but it annoys me as all i want to know is reality not some assumption thta has come from a group disscusion were no one knows the facts ,best thing i try to do is let it go in one ear and out the other and not dwell on it , philipinos here that my wife knows and calll her friends are just as bad have you heard about gee gee, or bernadete is doing this ahh it just pisses me of but that is human nature i suppose ,many people say to me i am a pretty serious guy i think that is because i want black and white not some fuzzy grey ,oh by the way that was a big slap in the face for dwayne oh well at least you told it in black and white
    cheers chris

  12. That’s one of the many things I like about Bob, he’s frank, he speaks his mind. He took up the cudgels for the locals, whom by nature wouldn’t always respond back to negative tirades thrown against them.
    It’s true Bob, rumors seems a pastime to some here specially to those who aren’t working regularly and have so much spare time to gossip. In some instances it could resulted in a very serious disagreement among involved parties or even physical harm. The more popular gossipers are from showbiz talk show hosts or writers who spread gossip about showbiz personalities. With regards to expat doing the gossiping, it only confirms what I read about here in LiP sometime ago that some expats don’t look at each other eye to eye. Is it a touch of local “talangka mentality”? I avoid listening to gossip and don’t gossip about other people’s lives. It’s awkward and unfair to others. In many sitcoms we see on tv, older woman are usually the typecast of this role. Just like you I tried to evade it whenever confronted by the situation. But I think in showbiz gossip it’s different, it is there for all to talk about. Sometimes it’s funny and it’s business & entertainment .

  13. Hi Bob, some correction I made in a sentence below …(not being good in English language…)

    That’s one of the many things I like about Bob, he’s frank, he speaks his mind. He took up the cudgels for the locals, whom by nature wouldn’t always respond back to negative tirades thrown against them.
    It’s true Bob, rumors seems a pastime to some here specially to those who aren’t working regularly and have so much spare time to gossip. In some instances it could resulted in a very serious disagreement among involved parties or even physical harm. The more popular gossipers are from showbiz talk show hosts or writers who spread gossip about showbiz personalities. With regards to expat doing the gossiping, it only confirms what I read here on LiP sometime ago about how some expats here in the Phils. don’t look at each other eye to eye. Is it a touch of local “talangka mentality”? I avoid listening to gossip and don’t gossip about other people’s lives. It’s awkward and unfair to others. In many sitcoms we see on tv, older women are usually the typecast of this role. Just like you I tried to evade it whenever confronted by the situation. But I think in showbiz gossip it’s different, it is there for all to talk about. Sometimes it’s funny and it’s business & entertainment .
    Reply

  14. I use to think it was due to having too much free time, but then when someone new comes into their group and they say right off we do not talk about religion, politics, what is on the news, charities, social problems, etc. I realized their conversations are pretty limited and if you are not intested in who is screwing whose old girlfriend, who was drunk in the bar last night, who was on the street last night with three teenage girls hanging all over him or how big the headlights were on the bar hostess then you need to stay home.

    • Hi Tom – They put so many limits on what you can talk about…. it would be easier to just list a couple of things that you can talk about – everything else is off limits! 😉

  15. Hi Bob
    One of the nastiest forms of gossip i have encountered was at work some years ago. A bright young lad straight out of university was employed at my works. It was obvious he had a lot of talent and was going to be on management in a very short time, now those above him on the ladder felt the ladder getting a wee shaky and spread all sorts of gossip around the workplace about him making errors, etc….even heard one about his sexuality which is neither here or there when it comes to performance at work. Needless to say he moved on to better pastures and is probably a great success now…..Ever since that incident my philosopy about being gossiped about is” Oh well while they are talking about me they are leaving some other poor bugger alone”

    • Not only did they hurt him, David, but they hurt the company and everybody working for the company because they caused talent to go elsewhere. What a shame.

  16. Funny this topic has come in a recent class I took on ethics. The instructor gave us a scenario of a news story that was not based entirely in facts but mostly hear say (gossip). He wanted to know why it was so news worthy. My classmates batted a few ideas around and never could hit the mark. I finally spoke up and said I feel most people in general love to talk about bad news or about bad things people do. And I think it is in human nature to do so, almost like its genetic. If you have ever listen to the Don Henley song Dirty Laundry it really describes this to a tee. Filipinos are more prone to this as it is part of their culture. I do think Americans in general are more vicious in the way they use gossip as they use it to assassinate a persons character.

    I personally do not participate in gossip as I was taught it was rude to do so and to mind my own business. And I tend to be very particular about the people I associate with to avoid these types of problems. My wife on the other hand gossips up a storm with her friends. Makes my head spin! lol

    Philippines bound in 2012!

    • Hi ScottD – I think that for the most part, both Feyma and I try to avoid gossip, and associating with those who engage in gossip. It’s not always easy to avoid, but we try!

  19. The one thing I like about gossip is that when I hear it that is as far as it goes. I just don’t repeat it. Where do you hear the most gossip? I have found the local church is just full of it. I can’t find any difference between the States and the Philippines. People are people. Thanks Bob for standing up for what is right.

      • yup! agree with you there. I believe too that it is more so in Philippines, an anspect of Filipino minds I really am hating (that’s because right now my wife over there is getting … crap load of craps fron one of his uncles regarding money and where it was spent)… short story,, he didn’t look after his health and had to have one of his legs amputated from an infection for something like being a diabetic. some thing that had to do with that and not looking after himself.. which assumingly cost 150,000.00 for which my wife didn’t have ALL THE RECEIPTS and she’s the ONLY PERSON THAT HELPED HIM GET BY!! including all the run arounds and selling of the land so they can pay for his medical bills. and well . now her name is being ruined by the her uncle and telling stories to the rest of the family that she kept the money and used for erm.. whatever she spent on.. ..erm.. all of those money are coming from me thanks.. I work my…. backside doing 2 jobs to keep my family well looked after… grrr..

      • Ohhh Bob I know I know what you should write about, LOL LOL!

        Why Chicken breast costs a fortune in the USA but Chicken legs and thighs cost 99cents a lb. and in the Philippines the opposite is true, LOL! I think Chicken legs cost like 20 pesos more than Chicken Breast.

        hehehe nonsense topic, LOL LOL!

        • Ah… that’s already easy, Cheryll. In the USA, people value the lower fat content, more lean and healthy breast, so it costs more. In the Philippines where people get only a small amount of meat with their meal, they value the piece that is higher in fat and calorie content, because a small people goes a longer way, so then the fattier piece costs more. No mystery.

          • Bob,

            I was trying to be funny and serious at the same time. I have seen gossip and jealousy as problems. It amazes me how you can do something nice for one person and another family can get jealous because you didn’t do it for them also.

    • the one that i would rather not get invovled in. Something my Dad really hates about us pinoy’s and I don’t blame him. My missus and I are going through that moment.. and I swear if I was in Philippines I’d be crossing a lot of people right now.. and I know I’m full blooded Filipino but I just really don’t get it.. Maybe I’ve been living in Australia for that long that I’m so used to how we do things here..

  23. Bob,
    You are so right in your comments. Filipinos (and Americans) love to gossip! It is funny when I am there and the stories I can hear about one neighbor to the next. Good and bad alike! Not being fluent in the Tagalog language I have to trust my translator in giving me the best translation of the gossip! Sometimes I am sure I do not get the whole story.
    Did you know that there is a gossip line set up from Kuwait direct to the Philippines? I have been out to a store here and before I got home my wife called asking who the girl was that I was with in the store? Good thing I was with a friend of mine and his wife and they could verify it!

  26. Sad to say thats a big showbiz business in Pinas usually happened late Sunday afternoon, its drives me crazy to think they have blind items too. Thats not items, thats people’s lives, that they are guessing.

  27. What confuses me the most about gossip is the motivation behind it. What benefit is there for the one that spreads the gossip? That is what needs to be questioned. If John Doe spreads crap about Mindanao Bob, all John Doe has done is waste some calories on moving his mouth, and brought his own life and motivations under scrutiny. I have too few brain cells already for me to waste them contemplating the actions of others. I’ll just worry about myself, and how my actions affect those that I love.
    Oh, and I will second the suggestion the suggestion that someone else made…an examination of Filipina jealousy and how to deal with it in a manner which brings peace back into a home, and dimmishes the frequency and intensity of incidents. Now I am not talking about the kind of anger that should arise when some Romeo forgets his wife is in the room, and starts eyeballing or chatting up some dark and lovely that is in the room. That is just asking for a baseball bat along side the head. I am talking about the green eyed monster that possesses your wife when some other female sitting across the room asks you some questions about American life, or some other topic of Pinoy curiosity. It took me almost a week to get the green eyed monster back into the cage, and I still am not 100% convinced the cage door is securely locked.

  28. Hi Bob,
    Glad to meet another gossip hater. I see gossip as a warped form of interest in people and also as a way to show off as being “in the know”. I find it despiccable and totally reprehensible. My motto is ‘if you have nothing good to say about a person then just shut the f**k up!!’

    • Hi Goran – I think you might be correct…. if a person gossips, he is showing off how much he knows, even though he really doesn’t know a thing!

  29. Hi Bob – There is an old saying ,if they are talking about you they are leaving someone else alone.
    Regards.
    Jim.