Lately, I have been burdened with a lot of bad news. I’m talking deaths of friends. As I told you a few weeks ago, I had one friend who recently killed himself. I have known several other expats here in the Philippines who have died of late, unfortunately. It seems that nearly ever week for the last couple of months, I have gotten e-mails from people informing me of deaths of friends or acquaintances. Some of these people were close to me, others, actually most, were only people that I had met, or had e-mail contact with. Still, though, you hate to see people that you know die.
Last week, I got a “friend request” from somebody on Facebook. I didn’t know who the girl was, only that she wanted to be friends. Well, I am pretty liberal with approving friends on Facebook, because a lot of people who read my various sites want to be friends, and I am happy to do so, even if I don’t really know them. Well, after approving the friendship with the girl who requested it, I almost immediately got an e-mail from her. Turns out that she was the daughter of one of my regular readers here on LiP. Unfortunately, this reader, whom I considered a friend, and who has been reading for a long, long time here recently passed away here in the Philippines. I am not going to name the reader in this article, because some of the things I want to say in this article might not be appreciated or understood by the daughter.
This reader, let’s call him Steve, was living in Digos, Davao del Sur, about an hour south of where I live. He kind of came and went over the years, spending time both in the Philippines, and back in the USA. But, he had told me, via private e-mails, that it was his intention to make the Philippines his home, and to stay here permanently more and more as time went by. Unfortunately, he died last month in a motorcycle accident.
His daughter contacted me, because she knew of me through her father, and knew that we were friends. His daughter was quite disturbed, naturally, by her father’s death. She even questioned whether it really happened the way that it was said to have happened, thinking that perhaps his girlfriend had a hand in his death, although there was really no evidence to point to that.
Unfortunately, there was a communications problem between the daughter and the girlfriend too. Steve had been cremated after his death. The daughter wanted her father’s ashes to be returned to the States so that “he could be at peace.” Well, I can’t say that having his ashes shipped back to the States would put him at peace, but it seemed that it would give the daughter some peace. What were Steve’s wishes, though? Frankly, I don’t know, and based on conversations with the daughter and the girlfriend, I don’t think either of them knew for certain either.
The daughter asked me to communicate with the girlfriend to see if I could get the ashes sent back to the States. I was a bit uneasy with this, because I did not know Steve’s wishes. But, since it seemed that he had not made his wishes known, I obliged and acted as an intermediary, and it seems that things have been worked out between them.
I had a situation about 9 years ago along a similar vein. After I had been living here for about a year, I got a call one day from my Mom. She had been pretty much against my moving to the Philippines, and did not understand why I would want to do something like that. When she called she had a question for me:
Son, I just want to know, if you die will you have your body shipped back to the States?
The question kind of took me by surprise, but indeed it was something we had never discussed, and I had not made my wishes known. I replied to her:
Well, I would prefer to just be buried here in the Philippines. This is my home.
Mom didn’t like that answer much, and she was actually quite upset by it. Over the years, though, she has come to understand, and even feel that I would be doing the right thing by being buried here in the land that I call my home. Last week, though, I called my Mom to tell her about this experience that I had in talking with the girl who’s father died here. I told Mom that I just wanted to make sure that she understood what my wishes were, because I did not want her and Feyma to argue over what would be done with my body, should I meet my demise. Thankfully, when we talked, Mom was understanding and supportive, and assured me that she understood what my wishes were.
Basically, I would just like to encourage everybody reading this to make your wishes known to your family members. If you are from one country and have family there, yet you are living, or spending significant time in another country, this is something you need to consider and plan for appropriately. What if you die while you are in the other country? What do you want to be done with your remains? For you, since you will be dead, your wishes will really have little impact on yourself, but it can bring peace and understanding to those whom you care about in each location.
Ideally, you should have a Will that would lay out your intentions and wishes. However, a lot of people do not have a Will, so at the very least, talk to your loved ones and make sure that they know what it is that you want. If they can’t accept your desires, that is their problem, but at least they will know what your desire is.
To my friend, “Steve”, I hope that the arrangement that was made for what to do with your ashes is within your intentions. May you rest in peace, my friend.
Some good advice there. Bob. As some know my beloved mother-in-law passed away at the beginning of April. Even though we feel most of her wishes were well known and honored, there was nothing but memory of different children to guide us, and when you have the death of a parent on your hands is a time when it’s very hard to think clearly or make judgments without emotion.
I’m certainly no lawyer, and we don’t need to make this into a legal discussion, but no one can stop you, right now, from taking a sheet of paper, writing down your wishes in the event of your passing, and giving a copy to a son, daughter or someone else you trust.
Believe me, I think those who live on will be grateful
Hi Dave – The best that one could do is to have a proper Will drawn up, but short of that, just writing down your wishes on a sheet of paper is a good thing to do. Like you, I am certainly no attorney, but just the act of letting loved ones know what it is that you want is certainly the first step toward easing the process when the end comes.
Hi Bob;
My family in the states and here know that I desire to be buried at sea, one, it is where I spent most of my adult life, and two, anyone that wants to visit my grave has but to go to any beach, as I’m out there somewhere.
This can be done free by the U.S. Navy, though one would have to wait for a U.S. Navy ship to pull into port. So, I’ve asked to be cremated and my ashes cast into the sea, here in the Philippine’s, to make it easier on all. Yes, it’s in my will.
Hi Paul – I have thought of being cremated and having my ashes spread in Sarangani Bay, down around GenSan. But, that was back when I lived in that area. Now… perhaps I would want it to be in the Davao Gulf, maybe over around Samal. I just hope that it is still a long time for both of us before we require such services!
Hi Bob;
Believe me I’m in no great hurry to have it done; it’s just something that makes sense to me, as I have no desire for a box under the dirt. As if I’d know (lol). As for which body of water, it makes no never mind to me.
Hi Paul – Yep, no hurry here! It will be interesting to see what is on the other side.. but I can wait! 😯
🙁
Nice write up Bob. Thank you for bringing such an issue to the forefront. Like myself, I’m sure many of us tend to put it off time and time again.
May Steve’s soul rest in peace.
Hi Kano Doug – Yep, I think it’s a good idea to not let it slide, even just letting people know what you want can get the ball rolling!
Wow, are there two of us here?
I was wondering the same! 😯
Hi Bob – Like Paul T, my desire is burial at sea. To facilitate things, I’d go so far as to have someone ship me to Guam to pick-up my ride to my final resting place. Western Pacific, Philippine Sea or (mostly desired) South China Sea are fine places for me. (Taiwan Straight would be great, but I’m sure China and Formosa [yeah, I still call it Formosa] would be concerned about a US Naval ship dumping there. 😉 )
Though the rationale is similar to Paul T’s (visit me at any beach, etc.) the response from loved ones (?) isn’t quite in line with my desire. Greatest opposition comes from my wife, who laments that she could never go to a beach again, knowing that I’m out there. Also, she would fear going in the water as “I might grab her by the ankle and pull her in with me.” (Even “Westernized” Pinays still relish their superstitions, etc.)
So, end of the line will probably be the cemetary at Clark. Don’t want to be cremated and ashes spread anywhere – I’ve polluted the earth quite well during my living tenure, no need to continue afterward. 😆
Then, again, I’ll be dead. INMP (Is No My Problema) 😆 😆 😆
Exactly! 😉
Hi Paul – Personally.. I would not consider ash as pollution.. it’s just a natural substance from life. I wouldn’t consider it any different than dirt. It will just become part of the earth….
Well, Bob, with all the medications (prescribed and otherwise) over the years, plus a lot of other “this’s and that’s” ingested, I’d say it was more like a biohazard than some simple dirt. 😆
Ha ha… I’d say that the incineration will take care of the bio side of it, though! 😯
“. . . incineration will take care of the bio side of it, though!”
That’s the problema – with bio out of the way, it just leaves the hazard. Those “heavy metals” and other minerals can take substantial heat! 😯
And the thought of an incinerator: Oooo…that’s gonna leave a mark! 😆
Ah, Paul… the incinerator is no problem… every time I walk out the front door, I feel like I’m stepping into the incinerator! 😆
And I, stepping out of the ice-box! 😆
Paul;
My wife has the same problem’ except she’ll be afraid to eat any fish because they ate me. Ya can’t fight city hall. But you can reverse the logic; I explained that if I wake up under dirt I will come back, mad as hell.
My will needs updating so I am going to get someone local to do a cheap and simple one. I did my previous one myself but I dont know if their are any laws peculiar to the Phil that I need to be aware of . If I make a deal with a local atty i will post the results here. [ maybe we can get a group discount ! lol ]
Hi ian – I personally wonder about this. I would be a little hesitant to use a Filipino lawyer to draw up a will. Not that I don’t trust lawyers here, but I think that as a citizen of another country, the inheritance laws of our country of citizenship would apply to us. I feel that if we were to have a will drawn up by an attorney here, the Philippine inheritance laws would then apply to us. For example, I believe under Philippine law, your wife automatically gets half, and your kids automatically equally split up the other half. Maybe you would not want that exactly, and I believe since we are not citizens here, we could have our will under the laws of the home country. I am not really sure about this, though, and would have to look into it. In my case, I would want my wife to get everything. She can give the kids things as she sees fit, and when she goes the kids can split up everything. Anyway… just thinking out loud.
My first thought re where i go the will drawn up was the Phillipines because all of my assets are here, and I think that no matter where the will was done Phil law would prevail. My other consideration- which may in fact invalidate the first – is that my 2 kids are in Canada, and I have only been with my woman here for under 2 years and I am not prepared to give her as much control as you are Bob- not at this point anyway. I also have to see how much control of assets I can achieve by a pre-nup before we get married. And of course not having any real knowledge of Phil family law I dont know how a pre-nup affects estate law here. Thats why altho in the past i have done many wills for people i will go to see my atty here.
And on that note, altho I have dealt with 4-5 attorneys here he is the only one whose legal opinion i totally trust. [ not to be confused with i didnt trust the other attorneys lol]
This is certainly a matter that needs to be discussed with an attorney. I feel, Ian, that since we are not citizens, and if we express our wishes, our home country laws can be enforced, but I’m not a lawyer (I don’t even play one on TV) haha … it’s just hard to say. As it is now, I think that under Philippine law your wife (if you marry) will get everything, but I am not certain.
I have no problems leaving everything to Feyma… we’ve been married nearly 20 years, and whatever I have is hers too already, as is hers mine, so it’s really not even an issue in my mind.
I’ll post the results here when i find out Bob. But I do know that in Canada the place of death determines the estate laws applied, and that where you got your will done is irrelevant
Let me just rephrase for clarity, ian. I do not mean that “where you got your will done” will determine how the estate will be handled, although I agree that the way I wrote it sounds like that. What I mean is that if you write up a will here, a Philippine lawyer will write a will that fits within Philippine laws, that will just be automatic. If you have a will that is drawn up based on the laws from where you came, I believe that Philippine authorities would let that stand, based on the fact that you are not a citizen here. Think of it like this.. right now, base on what you said, I believe you are single. So, under Philippine law, I believe that nobody is entitled to inherit your estate. However, if you had a will leaving your monies to your kids in Canada, I believe that Philippine authorities would allow that to happen. It’s is just my guess, though.
Funny, You write alot of articles that I am alrady thinking about and this is another one, maybe we are related?? Hahahah, but yes very good article and its the right thing to do to discuss this with your family so they know your thoughts. I have thought about it as I said, a couple of times and I think I would want to be cremated, something I never thought of in the USA, and have them shipped to my family in the USA and they can make a decsion what to do with them, but I haven’t looked into the process of getting that done (another article?)..
Hi lenny – I have spies out there that let me know what my readers are thinking about… and it always shows up in my articles! 😯 ha ha
Personally, I don’t have any desire or need to have my remains repatriated to the USA. But, if it is important to you, certainly let your loved ones know, so that it can happen.
Interesting once again. I want my ashes to be buried in the root ball of a fruit bearing tree wherever my wife and daughter live. In that way I will always have a part of me living with them near. Sounds strange but thats my desire and its in my will.
Hi Ron – Remind me to stay away from the fruit in your yard! 😆 Ha ha.. just kidding… it sounds like you have your plans set, and have made them known. Good for you, Ron! I hope it’s a long time, though, before you see the roots of that fruit tree!
Ron, Thats cool..
I only have one living relative and that is a nephew. He was here in Davao last October on vacation and we discussed what should be done in the event of my death. It has nothing to do with the Philippines being my home because it is not and will never be. The Philippines is where I choose to live at the moment and maybe until the day I die, but Houston/Galveston Texas will always be my home.
I want to be cremated and my ashes distributed or buried here in the Philippines. What is the purpose in spending all that money so foolishly. I would much prefer the excess money be used for a good charitable cause that would help the living.
Hi Tom – As a child, my family moved around a lot. We lived in nearly every region of the USA. My father’s job transferred him a lot. We never really lived anywhere more than 2 or 3 years, and as such I never really grew roots in any one place. I have lived in Davao City longer than any other place during my life, so I consider Davao my home.
Bob/Paul
If your Wives are anything like mine they first of all dont want to hear this kind of ashes spreading scenario. From what my Wife tells me most filipino/na would like to go to a actual gravesite to visit you and feel close to you even after you die. Crazy as it may sound my Wife said she would have nightmares of me burning if I chose to be cremated.
Feyma doesn’t seem to have a problem with it.
Bob,
Jeanne has informed me that I am not allowed to be buried at sea, as she would no longer be able to eat seafood! Gee, I didn’t realize I had that effect on my wife! Ha-ha. Jeanne’s family has a section of burial plots at one of the cemetaries in Davao, but I told her that I didn’t want her to waste money on making space for me, “just bake me & dump me!”. You’ve probably been to a few cemetaries for the annual 3 day party. I’m not putting up with all of that surface noise! I’ve already told my siblings that my wife calls the shots with my will & remains, so there should be no problems. Any idea of estate taxes in The RP? In Canada, they tax the corpse, so I may “engineer” things to make sure my wife can avoid that final government gouge.
Mike2
Hi Mike – To be honest, I don’t really know what the situation is here in regard to estate taxes. Maybe I should look into that.
Bob;
Now that I’m semi-prepared for the big wet (and/or dirt) nap, I’ve left with one question. In the obituary column in the News Papers I’ve noticed that people tend to pass on in alphabetical order. Can I change my last name to Xerox?
Hi Paul – Better yet, my friend… make it Zerox… that will buy you a little extra time! 😉
DYING IN THE PHILIPPINES
The law on estate tax is very complicated. I will give a link to the government cite- as well as a few relevant paragraphs.
Estate Tax is a tax on the right of the deceased person to transmit his/her estate to his/her lawful heirs and beneficiaries at the time of death and on certain transfers, which are made by law as equivalent to testamentary disposition. It is not a tax on property. It is a tax imposed on the privilege of transmitting property upon the death of the owner. The Estate Tax is based on the laws in force at the time of death notwithstanding the postponement of the actual possession or enjoyment of the estate by the beneficiary.
Tax Rates
Effective January 1, 1998 up to Present
If the Net Estate is:
over 2M but not over 5M you pay 135,000 plus 11%
over 5M but not over 10M you pay 465,000 plus 15%
go to the cite for the complete chart
http://www.bir.gov.ph/taxinfo/tax_estate.htm
One thing i find interesting but havent deciphered yet is 6.[j] where under WHAT ARE THE ALLOWABLE DEDUCTIONS FOR ESTATE TAX PURPS it says [j]- share of surviving spouse
Not sure at all what that means
I found a fabulous cite with a wealth of info.
Foreign wills are allowed in the Philippines
The will of a foreigner that is proven and allowed in a foreign country, in accordance with the laws of that country, may be allowed, filed and recorded by the Philippine courts. A copy of the will and the decree of allowance issued by the proper authorities in the foreign country, must be duly authenticated, and filed with a petition for allowance before the Philippine courts. The due execution of the will and the testamentary capacity of the decedent need not be proven again. After hearing, the Philippine court decides whether the will may be allowed in the Philippines.
Foreigners can make a local will
High income or upper middle class Filipinos are most likely to make a will, but those in the low income classes are unlikely to do so. Executing a will requires the heirs to go through the tedious process of probate proceedings, and rules out extrajudicial settlement of the estate. In some instances, as a form of estate planning, families establish “close corporations” or “holding companies” to hold and manage properties of the family to ensure continued development and expansion of family properties without being bogged down by succession or estate issues.
Much much more info available at:
http://www.globalpropertyguide.com/Asia/Philippines/Inheritance
Hi ian – Thanks for sharing this. This info pretty much confirms my thinking on the possibility for a foreigner to have a will that would not conform to Philippine inheritance laws. I think it really makes sense.
Bob- I’ll update the info once I finish my due diligence ! lol
But it doesnt seem that the courts will diffenentiate between a Canadian/US will and a Philippine made will- as long as it conforms to both jurisdictions. I have drafted many legal documents here for review by my attorney [ saves a few pesos that way ! ] and have never had a document changed because my wording was inappropriate for the Philippines
differentiate lol sometimes when I read back through my previous posts I wonder how I ever passed Spelling 101 haha
Looking forward to hearing more, ian!
I’ve told my asawa a few times just to dump me in the canal, cos I’ll be beyond caring, but I don’t think it’s taken as a serious suggestion. Basically I think it’s up to the people left behind to do whatever brings them comfort, rather than me trying to dictate events that I won’t be around to take part in. I have made it clear that I regard money spent on death ceremonies as a poor priority compared to the continuing needs of those still living, but once again I don’t expect such a coldly rational perspective to carry the day.
Fortunately I don’t have anyone back in Australia who’s likely to take an interest.
Hi Ken – Ha ha… I’m not sure why, but even though I won’t be around for the event, I still have wishes of how I want things to be handled. I think most of us do. Kind of refreshing that you don’t have any worries about it!
I’ve asked to have everything I own buried with me !! lol
If it was good enuf for the Pharaohs its good enuf for me.
Hi ian – Everybody is always digging into the pyramids to see what they can take from the Pharaohs, though… I want to rest in peace, don’t want anybody to keep digging in to get what they can! 😆
Hi bob well i can relate to the talk to your family part as my father has been gone 7 months now ,my wife and daughter only new him for a short time but grew to love him very much especially my daughter ,he was the boy that never grew up as my mother would say ,when discusing his funeral arrangements with the funeral home ,i had remembered that he had wanted the song sailing played at his funeral because of his love for the sea on which he spent many an afternoon sailing his own small yaughts at the local sailing club ,he has also requested that his ashes be strewn on the sea as well which we will do at an appropriate time when my mother is ready to let him go and that heonly wanted a simple funeral and no reliuos service as he didnt beleive ,the only way that we knew what he wanted to be done was by him telling us so i emplore all of you let someone know what you want done wether it be cremation, burial,or whatever i have told my wife i am not sure yet but when i know i will tell her ,my family and i miss him very much he was my wifes second father and my dauughters grandpa and he was my mate but we knew what he wanted done and that makes all the difference
chris
Hi chris – I am sorry to hear about your father. I hope that all of your family finds peace.
Joke: when asked, a man requested that he be cremated and his ashes sprinkled around Bloomindales in New york. when asked why, he replied, “That way I know my daughter will visit my grave at least once a week.
Bob, very useful article. My wife shies away from any discussion of wills or burial details on the basis of if you talk about it and prepare for it, it will soon happen. For Americans, unless you are very wealthy, there are no death taxes. In the Philippines there are, as noted above. As well, the lawyer who porbates your will takes a big whack, 7% as I recall. Bottom, line, place your assets in the name of those persons you want to receive the money/land etc. when you die. Another suggestion, to the extent that any of your wives are like mine, you really need to write down and review with her “where the money is” – and how to access it, including social security and pensions.
Final thought, I live near Dipolog. Of the sixty or so ex pats I know, 57 are below 70 years of age and only three are above 70. Makes you think?
Hi ProfDon – I like that one about Bloomingdales! 😉
After reading Bob’s original article above, I thought my first response might be offensive to some people. However, after reading all the comments, I believe it’s OK.
If it is acceptable for ashes to be spread around in various places, the sea, forests, Bloomingdales, then there should be nothing offensive in the idea of dividing the ashes and placing them into 2 or more containers. I’m sure that for an additional fee, most crematoriums would be willing to do this and make them available to surviving relatives, wherever they are. If I move to the Philippines, I will specify this in my will. Of course, for burial methods other than cremation, this doesn’t solve the problem.
Hi James – The way I feel about it is that it’s your body, and whatever you choose to do with it upon your demise is acceptable. 😀
I’m having my ashes put into my martini shaker. Since people move about so much these days, I want my “grave site” to be portable (or should that be potable). No matter where my family decides to live, I can go with them.
I have the vision, that when my daughter Erica is all grown, hosting her own cocktail parties, one of her guests might ask for a martini. Erica will wonder: “Now is that the martini shaker, or is that Daddy.”
Ha ha ha!
Good grief its Daddy ! lol from the book/movie Candy
I read with interest your posting. It is something that I believe needs to be done by any expat. However, a friend who was from Norway only let his commonlaw wife and children in the Philippines know of his wishes.
His family back in Norway, to my knowledge, did not have any knowledge of this. In fact the actual involvement from them in his life was non-existant up until a few months ago when the wife contacted them to let them know he had contracted dengue. The patient told his wife not to bother asking for money for his hospitalization as they (Norwegian relatives) would never send anything to help him.
When he died recently the wife informed the relatives in Norway and right away they insisted that his ashes be returned to Norway for their possession. This created and is still creating an unbelieveable amount of stress for the widow. It is further compounded by the Norwegian embassy getting involved.
To make this as short as possible he was cremeated and the wife’s friends provided the necessary funds to cover this cost. She is in possession of the ashes and still the relatives in Norway are trying to get the ashes from her. The embassy keeps contacting her and it is causing widow unbelieveable stress.
If there is anyone who knows a way out of this I would love to hear from them in the near future. I think the ashes should stay here with the widow as that was his wishes and the family in Norway should leave her alone and stop harrassing her….