Live in the Philippines

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The 21st Century Bargirl

Philippine Culture, Relationships / by

Many foreigners who come to visit, or even to live in the Philippines are into the whole “girlie bar” scene.  Many areas all around the Philippines feature bars where girls dance, either naked or semi-naked.  I’ve been to such places, as have most men.  For me, though, I’ve never really been a big patron of such.  Like I said, I’ve been to that kind of place, but only a handful of times in my life.  It just never has been the type of thing that I enjoy.  Of course, I enjoy looking at pretty girls, but the girlie bar just never seemed to excite me all that much.

Somehow along the way, the girls who work in such places as hostesses, GRO (here in the Philippines, these girls are often called GRO’s or Guest Relations Officers), or dancers have come to be known as “bar girls.”  Bar girls don’t have a very good reputation.  Most men might like to look, or even seek other forms of entertainment, but few would say that they would want to marry a bar girl.  A few do marry such girls, but it is not so common.

To avoid confusion, what exactly is a bar girl?  Well, let’s see what Wikipedia has to say:

A bargirl is a woman who works as a hostess or dancer in bars to provide company or sexual services to patrons; the exact nature of services and varieties of bar varying by country/region. In most cases, these cater mostly to male clients, although in some cases a women are also clients.

OK, I think we have a pretty good idea of what kind of lady I am talking about.

Most men would agree that when it comes to having a relationship with this type of girl, what they are primarily looking for is money.  Not all, not exclusively, but many of them are looking for a way to get a few extra bucks.

A week or so ago, a friend e-mailed me with a link to an article with some information similar to what you would find on LiP, but centered on Life in Thailand.  I found the article interesting, and also found a link to another website, which I proceeded to read.  There was one article that I particularly found interesting there.  The article was entitled “Bar Girls and Online Girls.”  This article talked about “online girls” being somewhat similar to bar girls.  I had never really considered this before, but as I thought about it, the idea made a lot of sense to me.  In fact, I came to the conclusion that “online girls” are the bar girls of the 21st Century.

When I say “online girls” I am not talking about every girl that is online using the Internet.  In some cases, I am not even talking about girls at all!  You see, there are girls (and guys who are posing as girls) here in the Philippines who have made a business out of going online, chatting with guys, and getting money from those guys.  Feyma and I used to own two Internet Cafes when we lived in General Santos, and we really saw this whole “online girl” thing live and in action.  I have seen girls online chatting with 20 to 30 guys at a single time!  Many of these girls will “work the Internet” for hours on end, just like a regular job.  In fact, this is their job.

Think about it, many of these unsuspecting guys are very naive.  After 20 minutes of chatting, the girl will mention her poor sick mom, and the guy will send her $100 to help out with the hospital bill.  The Mom is not only not sick, but often times might be sitting right there next to the girl.  Or, the Mom may have died years ago!  Yet, in a single day half a dozen different guys might send $20 to $200 to the girl to help pay that hospital bill!

In other cases, it goes beyond chatting too.  In these days when webcams are popular and common, some of these “nice girls” will take off some of their clothes and show the guy some skin in order for the guy to send a little money.

In short, for guys who are reading this who are involved in chatting with certain girls on the Internet, are you sure that you are the only guy that she is chatting with?  Maybe you are, maybe not.  Maybe she is chatting with 15 or 20 different guys at the same time while she is chatting with you.  How could you know?

As I mentioned a little earlier, this is not even just limited to girls either.  There are lots of guys that are chatting with men overseas and are doing so as women!  They just use a girl’s name, grab a few pictures on the internet, and do all they can to avoid using a webcam, and they are in business.  So, be careful about this.

Of course, every Filipina you find online is not a scammer, but the problem is that a lot of them are.  Just be careful…

Reader Interactions

Comments

  2. 🙂 You have been of great service Bob…even before the article. I am at ease with the plans I have. Without the PI service I would have not made a move.

    • Hi Gary – OK.. I kind of thought that might be what you were referring to, but wanted to be certain. I was happy to be of assistance to you, Gary, and I am happy that I was able to help firm up your plans! I wish you nothing but the best!

  3. Hi Bob;
    Internet chatting is something I don’t really have any knowledge about, it was not available when I was younger, and at my age now,it just would not interest me. But I do remember Angles City and Olongapo back in the 70’s and 80’s. Music pounding out of every bar door and girls on the street trying to get you inside (I wonder what they wanted? LOL) it was not just here in the P.I. it was everywhere, around the globe. I saw sections in Europe that would make a sailor blush (and I was a sailor). And the Combat Zone in Boston or the block in Baltimore, were just as wild.
    Yet one would hope as you get older that you grow out of that type of lifestyle. I must have, as I like Olongapo the way it is now, where you can let your kids walk through town without worrying about them.
    As for marrying a bar girl, I’ve seen it work, and I’ve seen it end in utter catastrophe.Not something I would recommend!
    And I’ll forever remember the call of the Bar Girls on the main drag in Olongapo, “I love you Baby, no B— S—, buy me air/con Trike!”

    • Hi Paul – Ha ha… I hear you! I’ve chatted on the net a few times, but frankly it doesn’t really interest me. I much prefer e-mail because I can time-shift with that. For example, if it is chat, I have to be there and do it at the same time that the other person does it. With e-mail, somebody can e-mail me at one time, when he/she is free, and I can answer some other time when I have the time. I just don’t have the time for chatting and such.

  4. Yes indeed, scammers abound! I’ve known of married couples who work side-by-side, the wife sitting in front of the web-cam when needed. And men who work up relationships with several girls and make their won sex tours, just as dishonest. So, Bob, you warn the men about women who ask for money, and I’ll warn the girls of men who ask for sexual favors. The girls who want money and the men who want sex will find each other easily enough. The ones who want a good marriage need to move with caution on both sides of the pond.

    • Yes, absolutely, AmericanLola. Sounds like we can form a partnership on this! And, I agree that the men who are looking for a string of conquests for their next trip are just as bad as the girls who have permanent accounts with Western Union or Xoom! No doubt about that!

  5. Hi Bob,
    I had a run in with one of those online girls when I first started talking to women from the Philippines. We talked for a couple of months and I noticed that the things she said did not add up so I contacted a PI and she tipped her hat by refusing to give me her address for the delivery of a “present”. There were a lot of inconsistency’s once I started paying attention. Fortunately I met a real lady and we are now married.

    • Hi Richard – I’m glad that you were able to detect a problem before she hurt you too badly, then. Great news that you were able to move on and find the right person after that!

  6. Hi Bob – Hey, I’ll admit it! In the youthful years of my first career, I would patronize those places. Seems as though the price list was kinder to patrons in those places, with any differences in price being made up for by the girls.

    I agree with PaulT – these places are global, and vary in their “environmental activities” considerably. The title for “wildest” was always up for grabs.

    As for the girls themselves, you could tell who was “fishing” and who was trying to earn a living. You could talk with the latter and hold a decent conversation and keep the relationship plutonic if you wanted. Of course, any deviancy was determined by the patron.

    Those were the days – glad they’re over, but wouldn’t change a thing about them. 😆

    • Hi Paul – I agree that these places are global. Like you, I’m not sure where the wildest is, it’s not a scene that I ever really did much “research” about. 😆

      None of that kind up stuff up in the extreme north, is there? 😉

      • Well, I heard there was but I haven’t personally witnessed it. 😉

        “Supposedly,” there’s a barrio in the capital that is pretty much chock-a-block “clubs” – have only been driven through it one time during daylight hours and I couldn’t tell. 😯

        There are a few other “reported” establishments all around, but I haven’t investigated any at all (always had “honey-do” items to take care of).

        Allegedly, the ladies who work in these establishments hail from central and southern Luzon, come from “dirt poor” environments, and are willing to make their fortune one drink at a time. Sad but true, or so I’m told.

        Personally, I can’t vouch for any info, nor can I judge anyone who has any involvement. I can only look on. 😉

  7. Hi Bob,
    Had a few experiences of girlie bars in my Navy career,but lost interest in them some years ago.They are certainly the fastest way to an empty wallet.
    Possibly internet dating is the 2nd fastest way to an empty wallet if you pick the wrong one.
    Although i have earlier experiences of penpal dating by snail mail,the advent of internet cam to cam dating makes life easier for the good and the bad.Internet dating is a minefield,you can easily be scammed if you are a little naive.If you have a worldly streetwise attitude its easier to spot them.Most dating sites will warn you,never send money to someone you have never met in person.Amazingly many men still do.
    If you lose the girl coz you don’t send money,then she was never interested in you,only money.

    Personally,i never sent a penny to Sheryl for the first 2yrs,neither did she ever ask,then i offered to help with her mothers bereavement,to which she replied “only if you can afford it”.After that she still never asked.
    Many months after we first met she would tell me how others in her neighbourhood would tell her “Get him to send you money,if he doesn’t move on” or “you should get many bf and get them all to send you money”.Fortunately for me she ignored their advice.I’m a lucky guy.

    regards Chas.

    • Hi chasdv – I hear you, and fully agree. Do you know, Feyma and I are coming up on 20 years of marriage, and still to this day some Filipinos talk to her as if they believe that she is in the marriage for a scam. Some will talk openly with her telling how they are ripping off their boyfriends, and asking her how she is doing in getting money out of me! Imagine, after 20 years of being married! What a sick mind somebody would need to think that way.

      Your advice that you passed on about never sending money to somebody you’ve never met is pure gold, chas. That is really a key toward dating success.

      • Hi Bob,
        Yes its amazing what the gossip mongers come up with.
        I remember another incident which upset Sheryl greatly.
        I had to delay my original visit in 2006 due to redundancy,the neighbourhood gossips told her “thats an excuse,he is kidding you,ditch him and move on”.Sheryl told me “however long it takes i will wait for you”.Thank God she stuck by me and ignored them,she’s a Diamond.
        We both accepted and realized that the long distance would never be easy,but we’ve stood the test of time.
        I have to admit that prior to meeting her i had chatted to hundreds of ladies,but there was an instant spark and chemistry on both sides when i first met Sheryl online.

        regards Chas.

        • Hi chasdv – I agree. The funny thing is that these gossip mongers are the ones who don’t have successful relationships, yet they are the ones giving advice! Amazing.

  8. Hello Bob

    The bargirl scene is just getting stronger in my opinion. When I was arriving to Cebu last May, there was a man who had papers on where to go for “GRO’s”. When my wife and I would go to an internet cafe, we would always see several girls chatting in a private cubicle. I would strongly agree that the 21st bargirls are “invading” the internet.

    I have a link towards a documentary about GRO’s. It’s from a Canadian news agency. I found it very interesting, but I don’t want to post a link without your permission. The title is Selling sex in Heaven.
    Ingat

    • Hi Jason – I believe that the bar scene is strong, but probably has gone into a bit of remission from the old days when the US bases were up north. But, still strong, no doubt.

      On your link, I have no problem with it, as long as it is not seedy. I consider this a family site, and if it is something I wouldn’t want my kids to watch, then I prefer not to have it here. If it is not racy, though… no problem.

      • Hi Bob,

        I’ve seen the documentary that Jason is refering to. It’s a first-rate documentary and a real eye-opener. Nothing seedy or pornographic except maybe the topic. It was on the regular Canadian television networks.

  9. A short time ago, I found a certain girl who wanted to know me better on one site. Then, she tried to reach me again. After careful review, I thought it curious that this girl had the same last name as my fiancee.’ I thought it might be to see if I would take the bait.

    This girl with even a little cleavage (mind you) is my fiancee’s gay brother.

    I wonder how many guys are looking like girls but actually are guys. My guess is that they too are making a living out of this.

  10. Good pal of mine ( filipino) in Cebu has a pal who owns a small GRO bar by Robinson Mall, we would go in there a few times a week for “almost free beer”, got to know a few of the girls, they love to brag about how many boyfriends they have and how much money they get them to send them. Very interesting hearing about their craft and how they get the most they can outta of their clients. A real eye opener !!

  11. PS: Not that I’m interested Bob but hey since your on the subject could you post a few more pics???? heheheheh 🙂

  12. Hi Bob,

    Interesting article. I don’t go onto girlie sites myself, but I do leave my Skype set so that anyone can contact me. It’s been interesting. I’ve met a young woman in the Philippines and one in China. Both are working and in in their mid-30s, and both contacted me at one time over the years.

    Over the years we have texted each other many times and become good friends. I have visited the girl in the Philippines and her daughter calls me Lolo (grandfather). Never once have either asked for money, although the daughter is always wanting toys! 🙂

    So, there are good ones out there as well – guess I have been lucky!

  13. You still don’t get it? The operative word is “vouch”, Paul’s word. So I came back with “can you “vouch” for the beauty of Ilocana women and their beautiful songs.” The youtube video of the Ilocana woman singing an Ilocano song was a just to visually reinforce the beauty of Ilocana women and their beautiful songs.

    • Yeah, I understand about that…. I just didn’t understand how it was relevant to the article.. OK.. let’s just forget it, we are going way off topic here anyway.

      • I know it was not relevant to the article. It was a comment to a comment. Sorry, I don’t have anything to say about your article as I never had any experience with bargirls of the 21st century.

  14. Bob: Indeed it is usually worldwide, mostly in port towns or where foreign businessmen with fat expense accounts hang out. In terms of “wild”, I’ve found that Bangkok and Macao are probably the places to go for that stuff… anything goes as long as you can pay. In Eastern Europe, you cannot check into a hotel without being approached if you look foreign… Bucharest was probably the seediest, though Russia still is king. Even in muslim countries… Jakarta can be pretty much “anything goes” and Dubai has many brothels or “clubs” that specialize in different nationalities of women. Singapore is another such location where it is technically illegal, authorities turn a blind eye. All of these places make infamous red light districts such as Amsterdam, Las Vegas, Tijuana, and the Reeperbahn in Hamburg look tame by comparison.

    In Bangkok, places such as the “No Hands Restaurant” have become infamous. The Thais have taken these forms of entertainment to a whole different level. We were once taken to a KTV that the room was the entire floor of a 20-floor office tower, complete with 10m diameter jacuzzi and 8′ big screen tvs around the room. Six guys in our group, and 30 girls walk in (5 each) to massage. arm or leg each and one massaging shoulders. Mama san bangs a gong and the girls leave so you can eat dinner. Gong sounds again and the girls are back. No rules, no nothing. Very difficult not to be naughty 😉

    A couple of years ago, when hotel prices in Dubai were sky high, I had a colleague who would go to the Cyclone Club, find a Russian girl and say “I’m staying at the Holiday Inn, but my wife’s in the room… Can I stay with you?” For the price of a hotel room, he got a girl AND a place to stay.

    I wrote about this topic in one of my early articles… In my business, I’m exposed to this sort of thing, like it or not, in most of Asia. As I get older, the “thrill” wears off and turns into a sort of “been there, done that” situation. Let’s face it… I’m getting too damn old to stay up until 3:00 am drinking and carousing and up at work at 6:00 am the next morning… Maybe when I was 21, but now???

  15. Bob: As an aside… there is also a reason that the bars are always dark or have colored lighting… The girls very rarely look the same in the daylight and sober

  16. Bob your first reply to John was priceless !!! I was in tears laughing so hard…thanks for the days humor !!!!!

  17. Hi Bob,

    “Of course, every Filipina you find online is not a scammer, but the problem is that a lot of them are. Just be careful…”

    Well…I think many guys who are here looking for that are, in their own way, scammers too. These GRO’s know what these guys are about and see them as amoral suckers…which is what they are, to be honest. If you go on line looking for a ‘loose woman’ in the Philippines, then you will surely find her…just make sure you know what you are getting. If you are looking for an honest relationship…for love and marriage…well, that is here too. Just don’t confuse the two and you will probably find whatever you are looking for…if you are scammed…blame yourself first before you start pointing at others. They are very obvious if you have the right frame of mind.

    • Hi rc – I fully agree! The scammer thing cuts both ways! BTW – that is kind of what AmericanLola and I were talking about in the early comments on this article! 😉

      • Hi Bob – Yes it is along the same line as you and AmericanLola were discussing earlier. By the way, it’s great to see her still commenting here. I’ve read all of here posts and I do think she’s seen it all! Too bad such good advice goes unheeded so often. I saw a video from the Philippines today about some ‘poor’ sod who got taken. Always reminds me of P. T. Barnum’s alleged quote. But, though not directly related…I do believe the quote “it’s impossible to blackmail an honest man” applies here as well…or ‘no honor among thieves’…same thing, different context.

  18. At leaset online a man won’t get that gift that keeps on giving by just being online. Some of you guys know exactly what I am talking about don’t you?

  19. Bob,

    Haven’t been commenting on many of your posts lately because of activities I’ve been involved in here, and, for the most part many of anything I would have to say would be redundant to what most of your regular followers have to say. But, I have to say, I hope that photo is not indicative of the majority of the ‘bar girls” (barfine,GRO or whatever they want to be known as)in your area. There is no comparison to what I have seen in Angeles City, San Fernando and Subic(not to mention MM). None are pretty and,they look a little old for the job. That’s not to say that I have much experience in that area of entertainment. Just an observation.

    • Hi Francisco – Nice to hear from you, I’ve missed your comments! Nah, that picture is not from my area. Actually, in Davao the government keeps pretty tight rein on that sort of thing and there is not much of that kind of stuff here at all.

  20. bar girls mmm yes i did my time at that too but never over in phill lol seen them in new zelend where u can get some good ones lol ut asiam new married to a filipina wife i dont need no bar girl to keep me warm at night and if thats i all men go over there for thay are better of staying home and puting the tv on and seeing a good show there lol

  21. Interesting set of comments here. The ‘girls’ one might chat with online these days are typically NOT of the same caliber one might meet online circa 2000. I met my first Filipina online and we spent a good 7 years living together. She was a good, honest woman and fully did her part financially during our relationship. I met my (now) wife at her workplace, she doesn’t even have an online account even though she easily could with full access to all our Internet facilities in our home. She’s a lot more expensive to maintain, but that happens when you have a bunch of kids, marry, and engage in agriculture and other legitimate businesses. Your mileage may vary. 🙂

  23. there are still lots of good ones online…. you just have to weed through a lot of riff raff to find em