What is a Dalaga, you say? Well, a Dalaga is a single woman. Usually it is a young woman, maybe a teenager. There are two things that make a female a Dalaga. First, they have already had their first menstruation. Second, they are single. I suppose a woman who is older can also be a Dalaga assuming the meets the first two criteria.
Our daughter became a Dalaga this year. She is only 12 years old (almost 13), but I can definitely see a big difference in her level of maturity since she became a Dalaga. She is visibly more a woman now. Before she was a girl. The difference seems to have happened literally overnight, before my eyes. It’s amazing to me.
In Philippine culture, becoming a Dalaga has serious implications. A close friend of mine has two daughters who also underwent that change this year as well. One of the girls is a bit younger than our daughter is. She still seems like a child, a youngster. However, when a youngster becomes a Dalaga her behavior must change.
I was kind of surprised when the mother of this other girl was talking to me about her daughter recently. The mother told me that her daughter recently came home from school a bit late because, as the daughter said, she was “playing with her friends” after school. The woman went on to tell me that since her daughter was now a Dalaga, she was not supposed to be playing anymore, she was now a young woman after all! And, I believe that she is 11 years old, possibly 12.
Seeing the changes in my own daughter this year has really opened my eyes. Having several friends who have daughters in the same stage of their lives gives me a broader perspective to see how my own daughter’s life is different now. Philippine society expects a girl, once she has undergone the change that makes her a Dalaga, to act like a lady. Even if her age is still very young, she cannot act like a child any longer.
Just tonight, I was watching our daughter. She is taking on more of a womanly role in the house. She helps a bit with the cooking, cleaning up, and everything else around the house. Today, she helped with washing clothes too. Our boys spent the afternoon at the swimming pool enjoying themselves. Our daughter, though, chose to stay home and help around the house a bit. In the States, I could not imagine a 12 year old girl being offered to go swimming, but choosing to stay home and wash clothes. I find it kind of amazing, and a window on Philippine society.
For those reading this who don’t know, our daughter is adopted, by blood she is really our niece. I only mention this because our kids are more American, but our daughter has never been to the States, and lives a more Filipino life. It is in her blood after all, and I enjoy watching her and observing differences between her and our sons. Some differences are because it is the difference between a male and a female. Other differences, though, are cultural. I am amazed by both. Firstly, we never had a girl before, so watching our daughter grow up is eye opening to me. It’s different from a young boy growing up. The cultural differences are naturally of interest to me, because I consider myself a student of the culture here, trying to learn as much as I can.
By the way, just as a side note, boys, when they reach a similar age and are single are called Ulitawo in Bisaya, or in Tagalog it is called Binata. So, we have two sons who would be considered as Ulitawo now, a 17 year old and a 12 year old. Watching them mature is also an interesting experience, but from what I can tell at this time, the maturing of the boys does not have as many cultural aspects.
So, it’s interesting times in the Martin household these days.
Hi Bob, Congratulations on having such a beautiful daughter. I can tell that you are very proud of her. You are correct about girls in the USA. Probably it depends on the parents actions, though. Our daughter is only eight months old, so we have a ways to go. Nice article.
Bob, you are sporting the Protective Father Face.
By the way your Daughter looks you had better go out and get a big stick, to be beating the Boys away!!
Its refreshing to see how a young Woman in Philippines is/acts compared to them here in RI.
Here in RI ALOT of 12 and 13 year olds Girls have Nose rings, Lip rings, Belly rings and all that kind of CRAP..I see it so ofetn it's sickening and I feel like spapping the Parents upside the head to wake them up.
Thank you, Stevo. Yes, I am very proud of her… very proud! I love that girl a lot too! 😉
Hi Neal – To think about a girl that age having all the piercings and everything makes me feel kind of sick!
I have already told Feyma that we are going to need to go out shopping for a shotgun soon, and probably hire some security people to watch the house very closely to keep the boys away! Ha ha.. it's kind of a standard joke around here. She is a beautiful girl, and also has a nice personality… most of the time! 😉
Bob if u care
NewsFlash!! Michael Jackson DEAD at age 51
Hi Bob, What a sweet daughter you have there. I agree that becoming a dalaga is an important time for young adults. But I think that to some extent the reasons the same as in many cultures, and it depends on the individual familys and role models. In the Philippines sometimes class can also play a role, if you have many helpers a daughter can be allowed to be less active domestically or her role models are different. Also, I think of course the fear of young pregnancy is an issue for all parents, but especially among the poor, given that more family to support would be an even greater hardship. I think boys in general are more physically and emotionally immature at that same age, and being raised in a more "macho" culture are allowed to do less and have a lot more freedom to roam and socialise. Probably in your daughter's case, she is very attached to Feyma, and wanting especially to please and be helpful too.
A topic sort of relating to this that I find disturbing, that in the province during fiestas and special occasions the town will hold "Disco Nights" for teens, complete with light shows and throbbing music till way into the early morning. I worry about all the dalagas that might be placed in a precarious situation during these events.
Hi Neal – yeah, I saw it on CNN when they first brought him to the hospital. I'm not a fan, but it is sad for somebody to die at such a young age, though. Anyway… back to the topic at hand! 😉
Hi queenie – Yeah, she is close to Feyma, but she is mostly very close to me. We have a special Father/Daughter bond that I enjoy very much. I understand what you mean about the "disco nights" – I also don't like that much. We are pretty strict with where she can go and what she can do. Following the traditional Philippine style, when she goes places, she almost always has a chaperon with her. She doesn't necessarily like that so much, but she will have to live with it for the coming years. 😉
That's nice Bob, given that she is your only girl. I do think that her unique situation and chance to be in a close caring family might especially make a difference for her. It's good that you're keeping a good lookout for her, and although she might sometimes resent it, she probably basks in the special attention that she now receives.
Bob, it is very evident that you have many blessings from Heavenly Father; it is also quite evident that you are very proud of your family. I congratulate you Sir
Hi queenie – I have told her that in 10 or 15 years she will thank us! She doesn't understand that 100% yet, but she is also fairly understanding that it's just gonna be that way! 😉
Hi Joe – Thank you very much.
Hi Bob! Congrats – now the real parenting begins. I don't have it in me to be the father of a daughter. Something about keeping the wolves at bay or something.
Up north, the filipino words used for a young girl is dalaginding and for an adolescent girl is dalagita. Dalaga is usually applied to an unmarried but eligible girl. An old, unmarried woman is matadang dalaga.
An Ilocana "dalaga" is called balasang, and a beautiful one is napintas kangabalasang!
Viva la difference! 🙂
kamusta bob
wow congrats to you and your daughter,she is very dependable and has alot of courage to become that of a woman instead of a child.i know alot of girls here in the usa never get the good qualitys of a filipina,
nice article,,,,salamat bob
Hi Paul – We also have dalaginding and dalagita down here, but it's most common to just use dalaga for all the ages here.
You are so right, I have wondered to myself if I have what it takes to be a father to Jean. As I see her grow up into a dalaga, I see the challenges that I face, and I am not joking. I am very serious about this. I often think to myself that it was so much easier when I had just the boys! 😉 But, I wouldn't give up Jean for anything. She is very important to me.
Hi RonW – I'm glad that you enjoyed the article. You are so right that a lot of Filipinas have some really great qualities. Unfortunately, some don't as well. But, the culture of the Philippines can really teach a girl some wonderful things about how to live their life.
Ka gwapa sa imo dalaga Bob, watch out she'll have suitor's soon….:-)
Hi Ann – There are already plenty of suitors, but so far none had the courage to come and talk to the Dad. 🙂 We have to get that shotgun soon!!!
Congrats Bob,
Wow! Helping out with the household chores, cooking, laundry. You're definitly doing soming right. My daughter who is 15 asked me the other night Why I dont serve her dinner up first anymore. I had to explain that she should be serving me. She was appalled at the Idea. I guess I have no one to blame but myself for her being spoiled 🙂
Hi Hudson – Well, to be honest, I spoil the kids too, all of them. But, they also know that if I tell them to do something that they need to do it.
very beatiful young lady mindanao bob you are a good man and you are blessed and your family to. if you need a bodyguard i'm 6'5" and was a bodyguard,bouncer, im very protected of my little girl she's 14 watch her love her portect her teach her about life she will make you and the family proud as will your boys you rae blessed
Hi tonka – Thank you, and I agree with you. My family is certainly a blessing to me, and I love them all very much. Hmm… 6'5", former bodyguard? Stand by… I'll call on you later, perhaps! 😆
hahaha thats funny to get the shotgun soon,i will send ya some rocksalt bob.
hehehe salamat
Hi RonW – Send it quickly, my friend! Never know when it might be needed!
hi, Bob congratulations for raising a sweet and beautiful daughter.
you may need your shotgun sooner hahaha!! anyways, i hope your dalaga will focus on her studies first.
warm regards to you and to your lovely family.
Thank you, Nene. Jean brings a lot of joy to my life, and I hope it stay that way! I do get a little scared when I see some of the young boys watching her, though! 😆
She has two brothers that should also help. Probably don't need a gun a couple of big sticks and a bolo should do the trick. 😎
Hi Tom – Actually, she has 3 brothers! 😉 I hope it helps!
At her present age a mean look from you is probably enough to keep the boys at a distance.
Hi Tom – Yep! That's kind of a good thing, don't you think? And, especially because of me being a foreigner, the kids are a little more worried.
For the meantime,machete from your kitchen always comes handy lol. That should make them boys run for their life hahaha. Seriously, she's a beautiful dalagita, i'm still thinking about having another child in the near future and when it does happen i prefer a girl. I have one niece on my side of the family, hubby doesn't have any since my sister in law all have boys. You are a wonderful father and your family is very fortunate to have you for sure.
Thank you, Vanessa. Having a girl is so much different from having a boy. For me, it is harder having a girl. But, I wouldn't trade it! Good luck to you and your husband!
Hi Bob. Great kids and good looking family..Guess the manliligaw will gonna have hard time, for being the only girl among the boys..he he..tsk, tsk ..just keep a bat next to the door will help..( 4 girls and youngest boy..can imagine why my grandpa(Bulacan) kinda gone mad for keeping it there and my granny (in Batangas) gulok (jungle knife)also next to the door we call her Gabriella)..Believe me it does work.:}.My hubby lucky ended up as barkada of my oldies (Dad, lolo, uncles)..
Stages of growing up here;
bata(boy/girl)- born up until 12
dalaginding/binatilyo- 12 years old and more
dalaga/binata- 18 (girl)-21 (boy) years old onwards
matandang dalaga/matandang binata- 35 and once never been married.
I always remember my Dad said when were young kids..Go enjoy life, play as much as you wish…Once you got older you gonna miss it..(there is a saying in everybody's heart there is this child like happiness to be nurture, once got lose, never gonna be contented)..must be what my Dad is trying to express..
Happy Father's Day,
Wishing You and Feyna the Best of Everything,
Lyn
Hi Lyn – Thanks for your nice comment. I enjoy hearing how it was when you were a child.
Bob: Sorry, but I just couldn't resist….
Everything you are hearing today about MJ is fake! The Onion reported this 4 years ago.
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30940
Hi John – ❓ Hmmm???
"…kids are a little worried." Yes, let's go with that. I have two daughters and I like the idea of that shotgun very much. 🙂
Hey Tom – Wanna share? :wink?
Hi Bob
Congrats…..make sure she has a cell phone with GPS !!!! 🙂 🙂
Just out of curiosity…..
Girls are supposed to act like young ladies and stop acting like children and help around the house around 12 13 or whenever their Menses hit.
But what about boys….. when do they stop acting like children and act like gentlemen and man up?????
Hi Tyleen – I'll report back whenever I know the answer… 😉
Hi Bob,you'll be fine raising your dalaga,I can sense that you are a responsible father. I can totally relate with you as I have a 14 yr old dalaga too,she was raised by my husband since she was 4 yrs.old.She's daddy's little girl(although she's as tall as him now at 5'7").She is spoiled in some ways but she knows her limitations.
I believe that you can raise good,respectful and responsible children no matter where you live,it's up to the parents if they let their children rule the house and be a doormat to them or do their job as parent to guide and show them the way…the right way. Congrats Bob for having a beautiful family
Hi Jessica – I thank you very much for your kind words! I hope that Feyma and I can be successful in the raising of all of our kids! And, I wish you good luck with yours as well!
From what I've seen, they usually "man up" at about 30 or so… 😀
Hi Bob – They don't remain children forever mores the pity but I'm just being selfish I suppose.
Enjoy her while you can as one day someone will come along and win her heart after you have given him the 3rd degree that is hahaha!
Best wishes.
Jim.
Hi Garryck – No comment! 😯
Hi Jim – Honestly, that is not a day I am looking forward to, my friend! 😀
Hello Kuya Bob- Congratulations! Your daughter is growing up! 😀
🙂 I’m curious whether the dalaga had to perform the rituals (e.g. jumping off the last three steps of the stairs, sitting on a banana leaf, etc.).
Hi Leilani – I never heard of such rituals! But, no, there were no rituals here! 😉
Hi Bob
I think girls are generally more mature than boys, and more of a natural home-maker.
We have a girl (7 years) and a boy (4 years), and have tried very hard to bring them up the same way. However, it have been very interesting watching our girl reading books when she was 4, while the boy is happier playing with his toys. The differences are much more than just physcial.
Sometimes I dread the time when my kids grow up. I was a teenage boy once, so I know what they're like :0) What's worse, a girl saying she's pregnant, or a boy saying he's got a girl pregnant? 🙁 I am really not looking to either.
Pass me that shotgun, I may need it later 🙂
Hi Barry – Ha ha… Maybe we can do a group buy on those shotguns and get a discount? Might be the way to go.
I don't want to hear the girl saying she is pregnant, or the boy saying he caused the girl to get pregnant. But, to be honest, although this may be sexist, I would prefer that it's the boy saying he was responsible for it. But, I don't want to hear either! 😯
Hello Bob! Great! Now she's twelve and certified "dalaga", by the way, you've got a nice photo there. Really! Congrats for being such a cool dad. Haha!
Thanks, kebby.
Hi Bob – 'Taint Jean I'd be worried about! She's had a good upbringing so she may not be trouble. I'd worry about the tomcats that will start hanging 'round. 😯
But, then, that's just me – the dominant male protecting the herd! 🙂
Ha ha… thanks for the tip, Paul! 😉
Kamusta ka Bob,
This is another thing I did not know, this I find interesting too. Shes a beautiful child, or should I say young lady now, and is good that she knows responsibility, and is wanting to help around the house. Instead of playing video games, and/or playing with the kids in the neighborhood, and also has her priorities straight. This goes along with good parenting, and good role models, which Feyma and yourself obviously are, and keeping with good family values and morals.
The last couple of years have been a big learning experience for myself as well, I have no children of my own yet. But have three children living here in the house with me, Jhuan and Bryant 11 and 12, and my little Rachel who is 9 years old now, and treat them as my own children. The boys are easy, in my opinion, even with the oldest Bryant having ADHD (attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder), he can be a hand full at times.
Now Rachel is like my little shadow, and I call her my "pequeño compañero" (little companion).Shes only 9 years old, but thinks she is like a 15 year old already. But even being 9 years old, she does a lot of the household chores here, like cooking and cleaning, and realizes how important it is for her to help out with these things. I also think being the only girl, its natural for her to just help out and pitch in…(maybe I am sounding chauvenistic(sic), not sure).
The more I learn about filipino culture the more I love it, especially when it comes to the family culture. I wish when I moved to the Philippines I could bring these children with me, and let them grow up in this environment, but of course I won't be able to.
Thanks for another interesting article Bob, and of course all parents have there doubts and worrys about raising a child, I wouldn't worry in your daughters case, she has two parents who love and care for her and will guide her in the right direction.
Salamat kaayo, ug ingatz,
Danny 🙂
Hi Danny – Yes, I think that there are probably a lot of similarities between Hispanic Cultures and Philippine Culture. It sounds like your relationship with Rachel is a lot like Jean and I have too. I bet you will miss those kids when you move!
Bob
I had to get the Wife to look at this Dalaga topic (she is not addicted) she said your Daughter is very pretty and congratulations for "him"?. She said tell Bob to start saving his peso's because your Daughter's next big thing will be when you have to throw her a "16 Roses" party. I have been to one of these parties here in RI and it cost me a Hundred dollar bill as a gift for the young lady turning 16 years old.
Hi Neal – Ha ha… Oh yes, the big "Debut" – we won't be going too fancy on that, I assure you! 😉
Hi Bob, better stock up on your coffee and start brewing them. You'll need it to keep you awake waiting for her to come home after a date.
Hi Jun – Ha ha… 😆 You got a good one on me there! 😉 But, remember, I said earlier in the comments that she has a chaperon wherever she goes! That takes some of the worry away!
We probably could. Once you've used it once, all the other boys likely get the hint. 🙂
Hi Tom – Ah yes, the power of example!
con-grats Bob ,I guess I'll be looking forward to that too when jess cousin turns 12 she is 9 now, she is going to school here so I can wait 🙂 and she does a lot of work around the house now too …Phil n Jess
Hi Phil – Haven't heard much out of you lately! You must be enjoying your time here now that you finally arrived! Good luck with that 9 year old! Sounds like you'll be joining the shotgun club too!
no internet at the house yet Bob but it is comming 🙂
Pretty girl Bob. You lucky man.
Hi Phil – You must be going through withdrawals!!!
Thank you, Carlin. Yes, I am very lucky!
hi bob,
I know many western men are shocked when they take a filipina for a first date with a chaperon, a lot of them scratches their head in confussion, now that you are raising a daughter the philippine way. you pretty much understand the need of chaperon. yes? no?
Hi dans – I absolutely understand it! 😀 Here is the way I look at it, and I have told Jean this. I am a man. I know what young men really want when they go on a date with a beautiful young girl. Because of the fact that I know what the guys are hoping for and wanting… she needs to hae a chaperon! 😉
Bob,
A nice looking lady you got there Bob. By the way, you're asking if the boys undergoes the same changes as a girl does? Of course Bob they do change as well and it starts after the circumcision. It usually happens around 9-10 yrs of age of a boy's life. After being circumsized he's considered an adult and one or foremost of the changes is him being forbidden to cry, crying is for children only, real men weep but don't cry. One of the changes as well is the binata taking on more manly roles in the household like fetching water for his sister's laundry, fetching firewood for cooking, taking care of the carabao that father is going to use in the field, and etc. But you being not much of a traditional rural father, I guess your binata's work will be considerably less, but i'm sure you can think of something to give him some manly responsibilities so that he can pattern himself from you.
Just my 2 cents worth.
Hi Ernest – Thanks for sharing, I appreciate hearing your thoughts. Of course, for us westerners, if a boy is circumcised it usually happens at birth. But, most of what you say makes perfect sense to me. I appreciate it.
Hey! You should probably watch out for your daughter. Though the people here do have morals and values, most of the Binata here are kind of perverted. Seriously. This is me, speaking as a 15 year old girl. 🙂
Though yes, most of us can be trusted. Just keep your guard up. :))
Hello Myca – Yep, I believe you! Thanks for the warning! 😀