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The Journey is complete

Family, Language Learning / by

Zosima Rodriguez Bayoy, born December 26, 1928 died on October 5, 2008 at 12:30pm in Patag, Sarangani Province on the Island of Mindanao in the Philippines.  She is survived by seven children, five girls and two boys.  Yes, Feyma’s mother passed away yesterday, and we were all relieved to know that her suffering had ended.  It was something that we had expected would happen for quite a long time now, but you just never know when the exact time is until it happens.

As I wrote last week, Feyma had gone to Patag to see her mother, as the end was nearing.  She stayed only one day and then came home to Davao.  It was hard for her to see her mother in such condition, so she didn’t stay long.  This weekend, on Saturday, Feyma went back for another visit, and was with her mother when she passed on Sunday at 12:30 p.m..  I haven’t seen Feyma yet since the incident occurred, and she is still in Patag as I write this.  I’m not yet sure when she will return home, but I suspect that it will be tomorrow maybe, and she will make at least one or two more trips back during the mourning period.

What I do know is that when I just talked to Feyma on the phone, she was really broken up, crying a lot.  Of course, how could she be blamed?  She just lost her last parent a few minutes ago.  While she is in a state of high emotion, and grief, I know that she is also relieved that her mother is no longer suffering, and she had suffered for a long time now.

I had known mama for 18 years plus, and she and I had a close relationship.  We never really were able to communicate on a language level, but somehow we made a connection.  She could not speak any English, for many of those years I could not speak any Bisaya.  By the time I started learning Bisaya, she was already in bad shape and unable to communicate anyway.  But still, we loved each other a lot, and we both knew it.  I’m happy for her that she is now with Papa.

There’s not much more to say, except that I know that Feyma would appreciate your thoughts and prayers as she goes through this hard time.  Of course her grief will pass, and fond memories of her mother will take the place of the grief in her heart.  Feyma’s childhood was not always easy, and her mother could be quite a disciplinarian at times, but I know that Feyma has forgiven her mother for those days, and holds nothing but love in her heart for her mother.  I’m very happy that Feyma was able to resolve that situation before her mother passed on.  No matter what, I think all of us have certain issues with our parents from our childhood, and it’s always good to resolve those and put them behind us.  If we’re unable to resolve those, it could be something that we will regret forever.

Mama, I’m happy you have finished your journey and have rejoined Papa.  I’m particularly happy that I got to be a small part of that journey, and shared some life experience is with you.  I will never forget you.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. My warmest condolence to the Bayoy family ,to you Bob and Feyma,
    i maybe far but my heart and thoughts will be with you today. God Bless.

  2. Bob my thoughts and prayers are with you and Feyma and all the family at this very sad time. Gob Bless

  3. I had the pl;easure to meet the lady for a few moments this year and although ill there is no doubt she was a tower of strength.

    Love to you all

  4. Hi evelyn – thank you very much, and I’m sure that the entire family joins me in thanking you for your kind thoughts.

  6. Hi john – thank you as well. You know that both Feyma and I consider you as one of our best friends. We appreciate your sentiments very much.

  8. Bob & Feyma,
    I extend my warmest condolences to you during this difficult time. May the peace which comes from the memories of love shared, comfort you now and in the days ahead.
    -Henry

  11. Bob/Feyma – I’m very sorry to hear about your loss. It’s good to know that her suffering has ended though, and Feyma was able to be with her. I’ll pass this on to Rechie, and I’m sure you will be in her prayers.

  12. I want to extend my deepest sympathy to you BOB and FEYMA and to the BAYOY FAMILY. I don’t know much of ur family but as i have read your blog this morning, I believe that the beautiful memories of FEYMA’S mother will leave long in your hearts and will always be treasured and cherished.
    Please know that you BOB and FEYMA along with the BAYOY FAMILY are in my thoughts and prayers.

  14. Deepest condolences from Mita and I, Bob and Feyma. Many guys I know are no where near as lucky as you and I … mother-in-law jokes are always so popular … but I certainly have been blessed in knowing Mita’s mom as I do, and it’s clear that you were blessed to have been a part of your mother-in-law’s life too.

    Their race is run, their journey is complete, but it still hurts when they go … I remember the day my Mom finished her race and there isn’t aday that goes by that I don’t think of her…you’ll be in our thoughts and prayers.

  15. Bob and Feyma,
    My Deepest condolences from me and Elena to you and your whole family. I know how hard it is to lose a loved one but as you stated, she isout of pain and in a better place. Elena lost her mom 2 years ago and I am glad I was able to meet her on my fist visit to Davao.

  16. Bob and Feyma
    Our sincere condolences and may you always have fond memories of Zosima.
    Larry & Sally

  21. Hi Gladys – it’s nice to hear from you, I’m glad to know that you’re still reading my blog from time to time. I’ll pass along your thoughts to Feyma. We’ll talk to on the phone soon.

  23. Hi Randy C – thank you very much Randy. It’s something we’ve been expecting, but it’s still not easy. Please give our best to Rechie.

  27. Hi Dave Starr – yes it is a blessing to have a mother-in-law that you don’t have to make jokes about, as is so commonly the case. Thank you very much Dave.

  28. Hi Bruce – yes, I remember hearing about your mother-in-law from you before, I’m glad that you also got a chance to meet her. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

  35. My condolences also to Feyma and you Bob. Your two columns on this event brought tears to my eyes. Remember, “No one ever dies if you keep them in your heart.”

    John

  36. Bob,

    Please extend our heartfelt sympathies to Feyma and the rest of the family. You are in our thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.

    May Mama rest in peace.

  43. Bob & Feyma – Our sincerest condolences to you. May God grant both of you His blessings and a greater understanding of His Plan.

    Paul & Emy

  44. Hi Klaus – Thank you, to all the Doring Family. I know that you are going through the same situation right now too, and we offer our condolences to you as well.

  47. Bob and Feyma you have our warmest condolences. I don't know if you remember but we had the opportunity to briefly see your mother when we visited. I remember you explaining what you did to help her and I know that you are so correct when you say she is no longer in pain. There are no words that we can say to help your family but know that we are all here for you in any capacity we can be.

  48. Hey Bob, sorry for the loss. Glad her pain is over. Sounds like she’s been sick for a long time. That is always hard to watch.

  49. Hi Ron LaFleur – thank you so much for your kind words. I do recall that you had a chance to meet my mother-in-law, during her visit here. She was not in good shape at that time, or really any time within the last four or five years, I guess.

  50. Bob, Feyma and family,

    Losing a close relative is never easy. Please accept my deepest sympathies. Be strong and take care of one another.

  51. Let me express to you again Venice's and my warmest condolences. The passing of a loved one, expected or not, is always hard to those were closest to them. Furthermore it always seems to impress our own mortality on those who are left behind. My mother made the journey in 2006 and I am sure both her and Feymas mom are in a better place free of the strife, prejudeces and pain of this world. Requiem in pace mama, you are missed by those who are left behind.

  52. Hi Rusty – Thank you so much for your kind words. Yes, Mama had been sick for many years, and in the past 2 years or so had been particularly bad. It is a relief to know that her suffering has passed.

  54. Hi BrSpiritus – thank you very much for your kind words. Feyma and I both appreciate it very much.

    Brian – I am sorry, I clicked the wrong button and deleted your comment. I apologize for that, and I think you for your thoughts.

  55. Bob and Feyma Please accept our condolences i am sure your parent is so very proud of you both and we will have both of you in out prayers

    Tommy & Riza

  59. Bob, Feyma ,& family- Im so sorry to hear about this, My thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.
    Take care and be strong.
    Tess 😥

  60. Bob and Feyma
    Even though you knew it was a matter of time…when the end comes you are never ready…..
    You are both blessed with some great memories.
    I know it is trite to say “time heals all wounds” but it is true.The good memories will come flooding back and they will always be with you to help ease your sad heart.
    You don’t get over it, you just get through it. You don’t get by it, because you can’t get around it. It doesn’t ‘get better’; it just gets different. Everyday… Grief will put on a new face.

    Best wishes
    Tyleen

  62. Dear Bob & Feyma please accept our deepest sympathy on your recent sad loss. Everything that happens in life happens for a purpose so look back on all the good times you spent together and cherish the memories.
    Regards.
    Jim & Marilou.

  63. Hi Bob and Feyma,
    Our deepest condolences on the passing of your mother. We will lit a candle.
    Betsy & Ronny

  65. Hi Tyleen – I agree with what you say, as I have lost a number of close loved ones over the years. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

  67. Hi Jim – Thank you so much for your thoughts. We appreciate the friendship that you and Marilou have offered over the years.

  69. Bob, Feyma, and the rest of the family: Please accept our deepest sympathy and prayers for your loss. Words can never replace Mama, but you do know we are thinking of you all. Take care of yourselves and try to remember the good times.

  70. Bob, Feyma and kids:

    As she is with God now her pain has ended. Let us be thankful for the years you all had with her and her memory live on.

    God Bless and let the healing begin.

    Mike & Rochelle K.

  71. To you Bob and Feyma, please accept our sincere condolences. She was part of your life and now she will remain in your memory forever.

    Patrice and Amie

  73. I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my Mother-In -Law many years ago but I remember her smiling face daily I miss her.

  76. Dear Bob and Feyma Sometimes words seem so inadequate to the moment. I know that your mother is at peace and is in a better place. I know that her family gave her joy and satisfaction. I can see her in Feyma and in your wonderful family. She will allways be in your heart and soul. I know your being there for her meant everything. Celebrate her life and the character and values she shared with you. With deep sadness I can only give my most sincere and heartfelt condolences. John

  77. Dear Bob and Feyma,

    Please accept our deepest condolence for the passing of Manang Zosima,
    Feyma’s beloved mother. We know she is now in the hands of god.

    Robert and Susie

  86. Hi robert – Thank you, my friend. I look forward to seeing you when you are in Davao next. I suspect that will be soon!

  87. My condolences. I know from personal experience that expecting it does not diminish the loss.

    I look at those dates and realize how close my own parents are to that (Dad born in 1930 and Mom in 1937). Both still with us, but it does make you wonder.

    It is times like this that makes one think of your own mortality. Best to make sure that you finish everything you have planned.

  88. Hi Tom N – Thank you very much. Yes, we are all getting a little older every day, and at these kind of times that comes to your mind. It is a sobering thought.

  89. Our deepest condolences Bob, to you and to the extended family. Family bereavements are hard to deal with in any circumstances, and the process in the Philippines is long and wearing by comparison with our own home countries. My Wife Vangie was unable to attend the death of her own Father in 2007 as she was 8 months pregnant at the time and consequently unable to fly. As a result of this, the family had a video made of the whole funeral, which was very large indeed, and it helped her to come to terms with her loss, almost as though she had been there. To many of us in other countries, this may seem a bizzare thing to do, but I understand it is not uncommon in the Philippines ,at least amongst what may be called “middle class” families who can afford some luxuries.

    Perhaps, Bob, in due course, when you and Feyma have had time to deal with the loss, an article on a typical Filipino funeral may be an interesting insight for readers.

    Again Bob, please accept, and pass to Feyma, our deepest condolences.

    Best Wishes,

    Jim, Vangie and Family.

  90. Hi Bob,
    Very sad to hear about your loss.Give my warmest regards to Feyma.My thoughts and those of my family are with you and Feyma at this very difficult time.
    With deepest sympathy.
    Dave,Joradin & kids.

  91. HI BOB/FEYMA,
    Our Prayers and thoughts are with you in this difficult time.
    All our Best,
    Neng/Cliff here in missouri

  92. Hi Jim Hannah – Thank you very much to you and Vangie. Like Vangie, Feyma was unable to return to the Philippines when her father died in 1992, so the death of her mother gives her an opportunity to participate in the ritual.

  95. My thoughts and prayers are still with you, Bob, Feyma and the entire Bayoy family through this difficult time.

    Ed Griffin in North Carolina

  97. Bob and Feyma,
    My sincere sympathies on the passing of Mama Bayoy. Her suffering is over at last. What memories she has left you all; a life to be remembered with celebration. Thank you both for sharing your stories of Mama Bayoy. You’ve offered us glimpses of an amazing woman’s life. I appreciate the opportunity to have ” met ” the lady through your words.
    Karen

  98. Hi Karen – Thank you for your nice comment. It’s a pleasure to have brought a little introduction of Mama to the site.

  99. Feyma & Bob,

    We extend you our deepest sympathy.

    We will keep both of you, but especially Feyma, in our prayers during this difficult time.

    As you mourn the loss of your mother, may God grant you an extra special measure of His Peace and Love.

    Mr. & Mrs. R L Graham

  103. I have not read your posts in a few days here and am sorry to hear about the passing of Feyma’s mother, I will be sure to tell Irene when she wakes as I am typing this in the middle of the night here…………. I suppose death to us all is an odd thing in life, something we all fear to a degree, others may count it a blessing to stop all the suffering. My father who passed some 11 years ago this December is still something I’ve never come to terms with for some reason. I have never had the ability to move on and somehow is drags with me and I have no idea why. My father suffered for the last 7 years of his life and he wished his death to be much sooner then it was. My father, like me, lived a life on the road and I didn’t see him sometimes for months at a time. On his final days he was coming home and was within 7 hours of the house and passed away in a hotel room in the middle of the night. I miss him and his quirky stories and life lessons, but most of all I miss the fact that I wasn’t there to say what I held back to say so many times in his last 7 years of struggle………Somehow through it all I’m always in belief that in circumstances like Feyma’s, that the parent or loved one is holding on till their children or loved ones arrive. I’ve seen this happen many times it’s almost something that far exceeds any religion that my mind can comprehend………..Bless you all and know that you are being tought of often!

  104. Bob,

    My condolences to you and Feyma. I would like to point out that you are a true member of your wife’s family … the proof (?) is that you called them Mama and Papa. You have accepted them in your heart as they have in theirs!

  105. Hi Tim Walker – Thank you for your kind words.

    I understand what you say about your father, and not coming to terms with it. When I was 17, my 15 year old sister died. It took me more than 25 years to come to terms with that issue.

  107. Dear Bob, Feyma and family,

    We are very sorry for what happen to your mother.Its very sad news.May God bless her soul always.Our thoughts and prayer for your family.God Bless