Today will be a big day in the Martin household. It’s kind of a long story, but I will just keep it short.
I don’t think I have ever posted on this blog about this, but my oldest son, Chris, is mentally retarded. It is something that took many years for us to accept and understand, but we do accept the fact now, and we do all we can to help him. Moving here to the Philippines was something that was largely influenced by Chris. You see, in a place like the USA, having a kid with a condition like Chris has is hard. There is basically no help. Everybody is busy with their own life, and have little time to really make a big impact in assisting the parents of a kid who needs constant help and attention. So, as Chris got older, we decided that a move to the Philippines might be good for us. Here, having extended family is good, because they actively assist us in raising Chris and addressing his special needs.
Of course, there were many other reasons why we decided to move here and live in the Philippines, but the needs of our son were among the top reasons for our decision. And, I would say that in terms of Chris and his needs, moving to the Philippines has been a wonderful thing. For one thing, in the States, a kid who is retarded or has other special needs is often treated poorly by others. He was teased by other kids in school. Most people don’t have the time or inclination to take some time to help him when it is needed. This put a tremendous amount of burden on Feyma and I. But, he is our son, and we love him. Of course, we were willing to accept that burden. However, if moving to the Philippines can lessen the load, that is good for Chris, Feyma and I, all at the same time.
Well, you may be wondering… “what is so special about today?” Well, you see, since mid-March, Chris has been hospitalized in a home for counseling. It is a place that has been teaching Chris some additional skills that he had been unable to learn at home. Part of the therapy that he has been receiving included that he was not allowed to see us, or talk with us for 2 months now. It has been really difficult for us, but we made it through the 2 months. We have been told by the nursing staff that Chris has made a lot of progress at the home, and we are so happy for that, and we are so excited to see him and see the progress that he has made.
Today, in just 2 hours from now, Chris will be coming home. It’s a day that we have been looking forward to. Not only Feyma and I, but our other 3 kids have been excited to see Chris again. Also, our employees, our other family members (extended) and such have all missed Chris so much.
Today will be a great day for us, and we are so looking forward to seeing our son.
Hope u have a wonderful reunion !
Oh congrats. Have a great day!
That's great news! please extend my congratulations to Chris.
gonradulations tell chris good job!
Hi Brian, Elisa, Macky and Ken – thanks so much for your kind wishes! Chris came home this morning, and we have been having a nice time together today.
Bob,
Welcome home Chris. I am sure you are all enjoying Chris's homecoming.
As a mental health professional with extensive experience working with the mentally retarded in the states I can unequivocally say that your move to the Philippines was a good move for Chris. I've always been disheartened by the decided tendency in the states to shun and isolate the mentally retarded. My limited knowledge of the Philippine culture leads me to believe that in the Philippines an individual who is mentally retarded is able to lead a more normal life that can a similar individual in the states.
Again, welcome home Chris and my best to the Martin household.
Bill Paul
Hi Bill – your comment is really touching, and brought a smile (or was it a tear?) both my wife and I. Thank you for sharing your view, it is very valued.
Hi Bob,
Looks like a happy reunion there! Congratulations, and may God bless your family especially Chris to provide him strength to tackle everyday challenges. An guardian angel will be with him, always. 🙂
Filipinos are known to be very family oriented and family-centered. Everyone takes care , love and respect one another, even extended family members. You need not worry Bob to have somebody out there in the country to look after and take good care of Chris.
Hi Bob & Feyma,
This is wonderful news! I kept meaning to ask you about Chris and how he was doing but, unfortunately, never got a chance to…
I am sure Chris knows that you all love and care for him. I agree with you that you made the right decision to move to the Philippines. He is very lucky to have a family like yours who cares so much for him.
God bless you!
Happy Reunion! Chris is your sweet innocent angel, a gift only given to special people. You are blessed!
joy
Bob, your story about your son, chris, touched my heart. It will be a honor to meet you, your family…..and Chris soon after my move to Butaun in Sept…….by the end of this year, i will be married to a wonderful Filipina Lady, have a wedding, a reception, get settled in a new home on the beach. Then will find time to Visit Davao. As i have said before, you already seem as a friend. Great news about Chris…enjoy Him, he is very special, as are his parents….Bill Huff
Hi Jio – thanks for your kind words.
Hi Tina – Thank you as well. Chris has changed a lot in his two months of counseling. We have been very pleasantly surprised with his progress and the things that he has learned.
Hi Speedbump – thanks for your nice words too!
Hi Bill – I am certainly looking forward to the time when we can get together for a drink, lunch or whatever!
Godd to hear your family will be reunited again, and Chris is getting all the help he could get. I also have a friend who immigrated to the states thinking that she could get top-notch assistance for her autistic daughther. She realized it wasn't worth it. Now she's working on bringing her family back to the Philippines, where plenty of help are available.
For all the advanced program the U.S. have in place for children with special need, it's the caring and time that is lacking. Special children are treated just like numbers, and we can only attirbute this to the harried lifestyle. It's not that no one cares in the states; it's just that they don't have the time to care because they're concerned about getting on with their own life. There are some things that a Third World Country that a First World Country cannot offer. And that something cannot be measure by material means. Regards to you and your family, Bob. Till next time….
Well
Hi Julius – thank you for sharing your experiences! As usual – it seems like we have many parallels in our experiences. I appreciate your kind words.
Hi Bob,–knowing you have a special child too as I do, please give me more info on the house counselling Chris had–how did you go about it? Also planning to go home because of my son condition. Thanks so much,Johnny
Hi Johnny – I will send you a private response to your e-mail.
hi bob i have read your note about your son's condition and i proufoundly will say to stick to what you feel now and you are blessed to have married a filipina cause filipinos per se are really caring person. have you ever come across any nursing home in the philippines… none right, maybe in manila they do cause some of our high rising society people have no time to take good care of their elderly frailing parents. i have been in the USA for 28 years and i am a registered nurse working at one of the VA facility in west los angeles. i am in psychiatry and mental retardation is part of my daily dealings with my dear veterans. mental retardation is it you can't do anything with it it is there but INJECT MORE LOVE AND CARE and that brains will forever work as long as you and your family finds time to take good care of chris. well i have 4.5 more years to go before i will retire and i am from the summer capital of PI which is baguio city. i have been going home so often to start my smooth transition back to my roots. i have been in davao in 1976 and did my 6 month rural work in toril. well keep up that chin and be forever be proud of your son….. praying for his daily endeavours. God bless
Hi Rhoejy – Thanks for sharing yoru tips and your thoughts! I appreciate it so much. Good luck on your pending return to Baguio!
Hi Bob!
I've been following your blogs and other sites for years now. I mean not actively – reading stuff, just passing by, if we can call it that way. I'm just posting responses now because your blog really makes me feel close to home.
Anyway, since I found your site/s, I've been wondering, what really is/was your reason on deciding to move to the Philippines. Knowing about your son's situation finally answered my question. It finally made sense to me. If it happened to me, I would have done the same thing.
I wasn't happy to hear about Chris's situation, but I'm happy that you made the decision. If we use the business term – its a "win-win" situation for everybody.
Hi Yadni – Thanks for leaving your comments! Yes, Chris was a big part of the reason why we decided to move. But, he was only one reason among many. As it has turned out, it has been the right move for us!