Live in the Philippines

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I just sent her money for the airfare…

Money Matters, Relationships, Tourist Visa / by

I hear those words regularly from people… “I just sent her money for the airfare, she is coming soon.”  Hmm… Let me fill you in with a little more.

Because I write in a number of places, and most of my writing is related to the Philippines in some way, a lot of people contact me with various requests for information when they need to find out something.  The requests range, everything from information about finding a hotel, getting married here, relationship problems with a Filipina (or Filipino), all kinds of information about something in the Philippines.  I get these every day of the week, every month of the year.

But, one of the very common requests is about relationships through chatting online.  People will write and tell me about some wonderful lady that they met online six months ago.  They chat every day with each other.  Sometimes they even talk on the phone.  The guy will go on to tell me that he has been very good to the girl, sending her lots of money for this and that.  Doctor bills are almost always part of the equation.  Parents always need medicine, so he sent money for that too.  Maybe college tuition needed to be paid, so he sent that, of course.

His e-mail often ends…

I am so excited, she is coming to marry me soon.  I just sent her $2,000 to pay for the airfare.  She told me that she would use that money to buy the airplane ticket.  I can’t wait.

Oops.

Sorry, my friend.  I need a little more information before I can help you.  You say that she is coming to marry you.  Have you ever met her before?

Oh, of course, we meet online for chat every day.  We didn’t meet in person yet, because she is in the Philippines and I am in the United States.

Red Lights start flashing.  Sirens can be heard.  My friend… the United States Government will not just give the girl a Visa to enter the United States.  For a fiancee visa you must come to the Philippines and meet the girl first, then YOU must apply for her Visa as your fiancee.

Umm… what?  What do you mean?  I never applied for any Visa for her.  She told me that she needed $2,000 so she could come and be with me.  You don’t know what you are talking about, Bob.

Sorry, my friend, you have just been scammed!  The girl just took you for $2,000 (for that supposed airline ticket), and all that other money for doctor bills, school, medicine and everything else over the past 6 months!

You see, the vast majority of these young ladies in the Philippines can’t just buy an airplane ticket and go to the USA, or the UK, or Germany, or Australia or anywhere else except for a very small number of other Asian countries that will allow them to travel Visa free.  At the bare minimum, these ladies must first go get a Visa to come.  Problem is that 95+% of them can’t even get a tourist visa to go to the countries that I mentioned, because they don’t have the financial means to show that they will be returning to the Philippines.  They will be denied if they apply for a tourist Visa.

Bob, I knew that you didn’t know what you are talking about!  You don’t even listen!  I told you, she is coming to marry me!  Of course she won’t be returning to the Philippines, she will live with me here in the States.  Whew!  Now I know that my $2,000 is safe!

No, my friend… I am sorry.  You see, she cannot get a Fiancee Visa unless you have met.  As I said before, it is highly unlikely that she can get a tourist visa to even come for a visit.  You know what?  If she happens to get a tourist visa and comes and marries you, she has just committed Visa Fraud and will be deported.

Visa Fraud?  What do you mean?

Based on everything you told me, she knew that she was coming to marry you.  She got a tourist visa, but she is not a tourist, she is a fiancee.  So, she lied in obtaining the tourist visa, because she has no plans to return.  As soon as the Immigration people see what she has done, she is subject to deportation, and can never enter the United States again.

Honestly, I feel sorry for these guys who have been scammed.  Often, they won’t even listen when I explain to them that they have been defrauded of the money, and they will even continue sending money.  I have actually known a number of Americans who have sent more than $25,000 in a single year to girls who are doing nothing but scamming them.

Remember… these girls cannot just come to the United States anytime they want.  Even though an airline ticket is out of reach, it is only the smallest of the problems that will be faced in coming to the USA for a Filipina.

Rule of thumb… if you start chatting with a girl here, and she starts asking for money, she is trying to scam you.  Moms get sick, Dads need operations, school has to be paid, yes.  But, these things were somehow, miraculously being handled before you sat down at that keyboard and started chatting with the girl.  So, be careful.

One of my favorite all-time quotes comes into play here.  This is a quote from General Russell Honore during the Katrina catastrophe in New Orleans:

Don’t get stuck on stupid!

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Good Day Bob;
    You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. You can tell someone the truth, but can’t make them listen. I’ve seen older Merchant Seaman fall for these same scams, and these guys travel the world for a living. People believe what they want to believe, you just can’t help some people. If you can help one out of ten, then my friend you’ve done a good deed! Keep up the good fight!

    • I can’t help but agree with Paul.

      I often get entangled in similar conversations from people wanting to set up a business over here. You can offer all the tried, true and tested advice you have accumulated, and still people will insist you are wrong and their situation is different.

      These kinds of articles are great, because they demonstrate how easy it is to get caught up in the moment and how a person may want to take a step back every once and a while and try and get some new perspective on things.

      Thanks for sharing this, Bob.

  2. Hi Bob,
    It beggars belief how many gullible people are out there.
    I’ve read tons of these and similar stories over the years,all the info is out there,why don’t these guys do their homework and research before getting involved.
    I actually find it hard now to feel sorry for them,maybe i’m just getting old lol.

    regards Chas.

    • Hi Chas – I suppose a lot of these guys are simply inexperienced and have no idea. But, when told, many of them do not believe or will actually call you a liar. It is sad to me, but I do understand your feelings too.

  4. Yep, pretty amazing! There are whole extended families who are supported by family members (not all are girls, not all are single) who spend every night in an internet cafe, scamming lonely foreigners. I think Americans are more vulnerable than some because of the general guilt we have about ‘having so much’ while others ‘have so little.’

    It makes a man feel good to help someone less fortunate. This is a fact, and it IS a good thing to help people! BUT… when it comes to internet dating, if you are looking for a wife, the girl you want is the one who does not ask for money. She is the most likely to be a good wife and care about who you really are. And I advise girls here, the man you want is the one who does not ask for sexual compromise. He is the one most likely to be a good husband and care about who you really are. Predators on either side usually get what they deserve, eventually.

    • Hi AmericanLola – You sure are right on track. I can’t argue a bit. It seems that in the case of the girls here, and the guys abroad, though, most of them are willing to compromise their values for quick satisfaction.

  5. Bob: Love the pic, and so appropriate! People seem to lose all manner of common sense when chatting with women… Look, the Internet is a wonderful thing, but the same rules about relationships and love and marriage don’t magically disappear just because you are on the net. I can see the attraction if you are chatting with some exotic, pretty girl on the Net and you are stuck in a humdrum existence in a day-in day-out job in cold, snowy, Indiana or something, with an ex-wife or two.

    Some time back, someone sent me a similar email. I told him that things sounded fishy and he should take a step back and think. He got really irate, and my only response was along the lines of, “If you met a girl in a bar in person, in the States, and after a couple of dates she asked you for money, what would you think?” I never heard from him again.

    • Hi John – Ha ha.. glad you like that! 😯

      Yeah, it seems that once the internet comes into play, all common sense goes out the window! I get mails like that one almost daily!

  8. You didn’t even mention the best one…..Need money, Dad got hit on the head with a coconut!

    I belong to a Fil/Am relationship forum and we hear these stories all the time. In this day and age with all the information just a Google search away it is so hard to fathom how many people still fall for this. Best rule is to never send money unless you have met them in person. That doesn’t mean you can’t send $20 for jeepney fares and internet cafe fares if you are talking everyday and things are serious but you even need to keep that kind of thing in check.

    Recently returned from Bacolod to meet my online GF for the first time and she was a million times better in person than what she made herself to be online. She never asked me for any money online because as she said “I have a job, I can take care of myself.” Yes she can and that lovely lady is now my fiancee. :0)

    • Hi LJ – Yeah, it seems that no matter how available the information is, some people just don’t want to hear it! Not much you can do when people can’t be lead to water!

  9. Hi Bob,I got this fantastic business that I want to set up,so if you have a spare 10,000————————- lol lol.

  10. Bob
    Lets face it some people are just Dumb as a Rock.
    I hope you got my Brothers permission to use his face on this topic post.

  11. Bob, We correspond over the internet. Would you please send me $2000.00 so I can purchase a ticket to come visit you? I also have to pay for some orthodontist work for Luigi-could you sent me another 2800.00 for that? I love you I really do. (-:

  12. Some of them are not even Filipinas ! They are Filipino made up to look like a Filipina Beauty and some of them can do a good job at it. I even got approcahed in person by a ” Fake Filipina ” during one of my visits ! LOL .

    I have often wondered if there is a text book out on how to scam in online chats. The pattern seems so similar, they engage you in conversation, and many times more than one time then all of a sudden it’s the ” I have a problem ” thing.

    One individual once told me their mouth was bleeding and if they had $50 a dentist could fix it for them. I relpied ” and who is going to pay the internet cafe for the blood stained keyboard ? ”

    A more revent one was an individual that said they were applying for a job but their birth certificate had the incorrect sex listed on it. It would cost them $100 to have it corrected.

    I usually reply by saying ” You make more money than I do, sitting in an internet cafe all the time getting money from people on the internet, How about sending some to me ! ”

    Another one I use is, ” There are plenty of ATM’s there where you are, find one you like and get some money out of that ” , after all thats what those ATM’s are there for in the first place !

    It is too bad people feel they have to do things like this as it makes their country look like nothing more than beggars to those in other parts of the world. It’s not only the Philippines where people do these things. If people do not send them money, maybe these ” internet Beggars and Scammers ” might try to find some kind of real job.

    Oh, by the way Bob, my luggage is getting so worn out from traveling back and forth to Mindanao from New York I might not be able to come there any more because I dont have any money to buy new expensive luggage. Can you send me 60,000 PHP so I can get some new luggage, and then I need 40,000 PHP to buy some clothes to put into the new luggage. My old clothes will not fit me any more because of all the stuff I ate at Jollibee and all those Pizzas I ate last time in Iligan. ( LOL )

    Good Article Bob and although this topic has come up many times before, a reminder article like this one is always good to run once in a while.

    • Hi Bob – Indeed, there are a lot of fakers. Being in the business that I am in (the gift delivery thing), I see fakers on the other side too, so it’s universal. You gotta be real careful when forging relationships on the Net!

  13. It still amazes me how people just will not listen to sound advice.
    If a guy is going to ask a question to experienced people who Live in Philippines,why will they not take the advice?
    You’re right Bob,stuck on stupid!
    I think no matter how long a guy and gal have been talking on the net,the guy should have a full investigation done on the girl JMO
    There are some girls that are VERY slick,not only in Philippines,but all over the world.
    I met Shine through a mutual friend almost 4 years ago but we have only talked on the net and phone. (she lives in davao) and no matter how wonderful of a girl she is,i will still have an investigation done on her before I come back to Philippines,for my own satisfaction and security.
    For me it is the smart thing to do,we are nearly 10,000 miles apart.
    Unless u can see her eyes,and body langauge,and or know the langauge in Philippines,an investigation should be in order,not out of disrespect,but for your own well being.
    Some guys are too soft hearted and hard headed,and they end up wondering what happened when things go wrong,and out of a lot of money.
    We have been given a tool between our ears, that if a computer was to be built to match it would cost over 3 billion dollars called a brain,.think it should be used? lol
    Thanks for a great article Bob,as always you hit the nail on the head!
    Randy

    • Ha ha… so true, Randy. It’s like they ask a question, and if your answer doesn’t agree with what they think, then you are wrong! 😉

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Randy!

  14. Very true, Bob. Probably the wisest comment you make is: “But, these things were somehow, miraculously being handled before you sat down at that keyboard and started chatting with the girl”. So many people quite frankly have sh__t for brains, I am afraid. But, in a limited defense, we all get “scammed” or do dumb things periodically through life with money. Problem is that a person new to the internet may believe all what they see. I am afraid that internet dating has got to the point now where you cannot afford to believe anything you see.

    • Hi Lee – Yeah, we do all get scammed, but we also should be on the lookout for scams too. I mean, before you send big money like $2k for a plane ticket, you should check it out a bit! 😯

  15. Am. Lola says it v. truly: it makes a man feel good to help someone less fortunate.
    The best idea though is to meet the girl face to face asap. Some are writing with other guys as well, so whoever comes first has the best chance. I lost a girl waiting too long to make the trip. At the end she chose the guy who came first. She was getting some financial help from both of us, as I learned later. I was quite angry when I learned that she is already in US with that guy. I had a hard time to forget her… Oh well, she was needy I guess and I donate to charities anyway.
    So when one late night another girl, penpal only, called and needed some money – I had a choice to believe her or reject, having that negative experience. She was stranded somewhere in the middle of nowhere in Malaysia. She just quit her job with a bad employer who was abusing her and didn’t pay any wages for 3 months already.
    She needed to get to Kuala Lumpur and return to Ph. My compassion and a good heart prevailed. I sent her $300 by WU. I kind of forgot about all that. She was only a penpal after all. But she returned to Manila and kept on writing. Saying that I saved her life and nobody else wanted to help her even though she contacted other guys as well when she was in trouble. So to make the story shorter… I helped her to come to Canada. She needed job badly and she had a quite a few family people all very poor and jobless, living in a Manila slum location. So she is in Canada, working, saving money helping all the family members. She says I saved her life and lives of her family too. I tell her to find a man who is young like her (she is 34), have some kids etc. but she likes me a lot it seems.
    Well, she might change her mind one day maybe. I’m over 60 so we have
    that big age difference. And we’re not married, so she is free after all. I really want a best for her.
    Now, am I naive or just a man with a compassion. Sometimes it’s too easy to reject somebody when all we worry is not to be scammed.
    I’d rather follow my instinct and save somebody life then worry only about scams. Sure it happens too often, just apply your common sense.
    Ted

    • Hi Ted – One thing about AmericanLola – if she leaves a comment, you can bet that her view is valid 100% of the time, and usually spot on! 🙂

      If you re-read what I wrote, Ted, I didn’t say that we have to reject every request for assistance. I said, though, that if somebody who has knowledge and experience tells us that what we have been told is simply untrue, then we need to be aware that we may have been victimized.

      Good luck to you.

  16. Mr. Bob:

    I trust that this email find you in good health and spirit. I am Mrs. Violet Mbogo, wife of esteemed prime Minister of Somaliland. You remember husband Mbeke Mbogo, yes?

    When husband assassinated, he have over US$30,000,000 in Nigeria bank. However, due to my country’s very strict inheritance law, I am unable to withdraw this money. It is for this business proposition that I write you. Please, if you wiol l help with following, I offer you the sum of US$10,000,000 as partner, completely tax free. Please send the following, and we share the money: Your bank account number so I can transfer funds, US$10,000 for bank fee, autographed copy of “The Brothers Karamazov”, underpants from 90 year old woman for voodoo prayer, mountain gorilla pee pee, and soul of ex girlfriend.

    Please expedite all, especially cash, via nearest Fedex, and we can begin business deal.

    I know you might be skeptical, do my Skype ID is nubiansexprincess. Let us chat and you can see that I am really, truly real person.

    Yours in God and Kthulu,

    Violet Mbogo (Deceased)

    • Hi John – Look, I am not playing around here!!! Last time I sent you $20k and you said that the money would be following, but it never showed up. Oh… well.. OK, I’ll try one more time. Just $10k this time anyway, that will surely send the millions my way!

      BTW, Violet… do you have a brother? I got a similar e-mail from another guy there in Nigeria yesterday… surely you must be related?

  17. Hi Bob,
    All good advice I couldn’t argue with.
    On the other hand it is unfortunate that, unlike one of your earlier commenters, the innocent naive filipinas can’t afford an investigation of some of the low life types who prey on them through the net. My observation is that a significant number of the western husbands of filipinas I have met have totally misrepresented themselves to the poor girls as fine kind upstanding successful citizens when in reality often they are poorly educated, in and out of work or engaged in very menial poorly paid occupations, heavy drinkers or drug users with poor morals and a tendency towards violence and sit right at the bottom of their own society.
    IMO a lot of the comments seem to suggest that only the girls are scammers whereas I think a lot of the men are. They are just looking for a naive filipina to become a subservient house maid and keep the bed warm.

  18. So many words of truth there Bob.

    I laughed when I read it, thiking about how we had just been having a prvate conversation on a totally different subject, but with the same ‘moral’ or ‘take away’ … even if it hurst, to have to do the right thing.

    Guys, trust me on this … take a deep breath and do things right. I know that advice like this upsets you and even makes you mad sometimes, but in the long run, you’ll be happier … believe me.

  19. Hi Bob, it still amazes me how stupid some people can be, especially some westerners who think they are well educated. This story reminds me of the current scams going around where people are duped into believing they have won a foreign lottery eventhough they have never entered it, or been left an inheritance by a distant relative in a foreign country. Usually the fraudster requests an arrangement fee upfront to help process the administration and once this is paid there are usually several further requests for admin fees which the sucker normally pays out. In my line of work I regularly come across victims of this sort of scam and in many cases they end up lossing £10,000’s and in one particular case up to £400,0000, which in many cases they have borrowed through loans. There is a well known phrase for this “A fool and his money are easily parted.” Just for the record there is no such thing as an online relationship, you can only have a real girlfriend or boyfriend if you have actually met, virtual relationships in cyberspace are a non starter!!!

    • Hi tony – If every person just thought of that phrase – “a fool and his money are easily parted” – and applied it in his mind before making any financial decision, a lot of good people would be a lot better off today. A lot of Nigerian scammers would be worse off, though! 😉

  20. Just to echo Michael’s comments, again from a professional standpoint I was emailed by a Filipina in Japan who had contacted a “British” guy through an online dating site. After they had been corresponding for a while he gave her a sob story that he had a sick child who he needed to arrange some hospital treatment for. He asked her to lend him some money and after she wired him her hard earned cash she never heard from him again. Eventually she contacted my organisation with the details she had of this guy,but it was impossible to trace him or get her money back as the zip code he provided related to an address in USA and the address he gave was a bogus address in UK. His profile on the dating site provided a photograph of himself and his supposed address in UK. The dating site itself was an inrernational one based in Scandinavia. As with anything the caveat “buyer beware” applies especially where the internet is concerned.

  23. best thing to do is not chat with anyone just go to P.I and if you can spend a couple months there and learn the culture .hang out in the big malls go to church . you will meet some people they will seek you out ! then you will be safe with your choice of a spouse

  24. Hi Bob,

    Im Mark from New Zealand and i am a “kiwi”. I am in fact dating a girl online and will be going to Manila in March. I have been reading your posts with great interest and i wondered if you could answer a couple of questions.

    First, Traveling to Mindanao. Is this a dangerous part of the philippines to be going to and is there extremism and kidnapping.? Also what about health. Do you take precautions on health such as Yellow Fever, and Malaria.?

    Second. As mentioned before i am dating a girl online and will be visiting her in March. Is there signs that men should look out for when dating online someone and you fall in love. Do you know a tried and tested formula that weeds out a fake and liars. Whats your comments on that. Would love to hear from you on that.

    Regards,
    Mark.

    • Hi Mark – I got an e-mail from you earlier today about safety in Mindanao. I already replied, maybe you didn’t get it. You ask is is dangerous to go to Mindanao? Well, Mindanao is more than 94,000 square kilometers. You need to give a little more specific information on where you are going. Some parts of Mindanao are very safe, as safe as New Zealand. Other parts of Mindanao are extremely dangerous, it just depends on where you go. It’s a huge island!

      Health – there really is no Malaria, or very very little in Mindanao, that’s just not a concern. Yellow Fever, again, not a concern. Biggest health concern would be Dengue Fever, just use mosquito repellent and you should be fine.

      How dangerous is Mindanao? Well, I’ve lived on the Island for 10 years, and I’m still happy, healthy and alive. I’ve never been threatened or victimized here. Well, I just recalled, I had a burglary in my office one time years ago, but that can happen anywhere.

      Is there a sign to look for when dating online? Yes… as I say in the article, if she asks for money, you should look elsewhere. It’s that simple.

      • Hi Bob , her family live in and around Chocolate Hills. In that region. Do you know it ?

        No, she hasnt ever asked for money. I have offered it to her. And sent a little . IE 1600.00 Pesos, to help with some some things in the flat and Tax Duty on sent gifts.

        Regards,
        Mark.

        • Hi Mark – The Chocolate Hills are not in Mindanao, or even near Mindanao. The Chocolate Hills are in Bohol. Hmm… maybe there is a place in Mindanao that the locals also call the Chocolate Hills, but the famous Chocolate Hills are on the Island of Bohol.

          P1600 is not a lot of money, but you really should avoid sending money unless you already know the girl very well.

          • I have heard and seen pics of a place in the area of CDO / Misamis Oriental / or Buckidnon that are known as Chocolate Hills. I will see if I can get a more exact location for you on these.

            • Hi Bob – Yes, I have heard people say “oh that hill looks like a chocolate hill” and that sort of thing. But, when somebody says “they live around the Chocolate Hills,” well for me… that’s in Bohol! The Chocolate Hills in Bohol are known worldwide.

      • Regarding visitor safety in Mindanao, I have visited Iligan City and Cagayan De Oro in Mindanao several times now ( best vacation I have ever had too ! ) .No Problem, just use your common sense or as i like to call it ” City Sense ” .

        I’ll put it this way, I felt a lot ” safer ” in Cagayan De Oro and Iligan City ( Mindanao ) than I ever have on a New York City subway or on the London Underground ( subway ) .

  25. Hi Bob,

    Yes, i see. Okay i need to find out where they live. Yes, on the Island of Bohol, with those cute little tiny monkeys. Wow, will go there.

    Mark

  26. I have been to bohol it is very nice and also i been to choc hills thats in carmen. bohol is a lot more laid back then Cebu City they speak cebuano or bisayan on bohol. it is geared towards tourists you can get a flt from manila -tabilaran or first go to cebu city and take the super ferry over to bohol it takes about 2 or 3 hrs that way. In fact I like Bohol better than cebu .and those monkeys are called tarsiers!